Ask Women on Sidechat | For many women why is there a high correlation of categorizing dates as “low effort” versus “high effort” based on the dollar amount spent.

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Ask Women 15h

For many women why is there a high correlation of categorizing dates as “low effort” versus “high effort” based on the dollar amount spent.

Anonymous 14h

How so? I feel like the less money u spend the more effort you spend on like physical activities or crafting or picnics or smth

Anonymous 14h

Because it shows high commitment/ effort to spend money on a date. it can mean you’re prioritizing showing them a high quality experience. not everyone has the means to be spending like that on a date ofc, but if they do have the means then it’s nice to be shown that kind of effort when they could have also done something low expense

Anonymous 13h

i think ur right in the sense that actually planning a real date shows a level of effort rather than guys who will say let’s just go for a walk or you can come over or something. it doesn’t have to be expensive to be considered effort but planning an actual activity naturally costs more

Anonymous 9h

It’s kind of like how I think of engagement rings and their price. Them being expensive and hard to get but you getting it for your girl is so romantic bc you saved up and thought about her and put all of this thought into it. And I think like if you make $22/hr no don’t buy a fucking $25,000 ring. But like I make $17/hr rn so I’m gonna by my partner a $6,000. Bc that’s expensive for me but possible. So most of these “cheap” dates I’ve been seeing actually just have no thought put into them

Anonymous

#1 14h

Usually that’s not the type of effort people are describing. I would think of it more like the effort someone puts into a presentation rather than physical effort.

Anonymous

OP 14h

Well i also put less effort into appearance if im going like tide pooling or smth i have to be more tactical vs going out for drinks ill get all dressed up cuz that is the setting for it

Anonymous

#1 14h

I think I made it even more confusing for you. Low effort is being voiced as a complaint. As in it was a low effort idea or didn’t involve much effort for the guy to come up with

Anonymous

OP 14h

Ah ok im a lesbian most dates are like 6+ hours lmao

Anonymous

#2 13h

Spending more money doesn’t change anything about the amount of effort concerning the date. It takes the same amount of effort to plan a coffee date and a dinner date. But one is being called high effort and the other low this is exactly what my post is about.

Anonymous

#2 13h

Also side question why should a man even invest so greatly in someone he doesn’t even know? And how is the woman meeting his investment what is she doing to invest high commitment in him?

Anonymous

#3 13h

Asking a girl. “Do you want to go to diner on X date at Y location at Z time” takes no more effort than most other dates though and that’s considered a high effort date. But if I changed dinner with go to the park or Starbucks then it’s suddenly low effort.

Anonymous

OP 13h

maybe effort isn’t the exact right word then, but what i was getting at is that theyre showing more investment by spending more. and im not saying that a guy HAS to do that. but it definetly helps his chances of hes trying to impress a woman. women are more simply more saught after in the dating market. the average woman has more options that the avg man. if a guy wants to stand out with a woman who has many options, trying to impress her will help.

Anonymous

OP 13h

as for “return on investment” it’s well documented that men often do better in life when they have a partner. their physical and mental health is better, they tend to live longer, earn more money, and report higher levels of life satisfaction

Anonymous

OP 13h

for me at least, saying let's get starbucks is something that is quick so I see it as low effort. i love a walk and then getting like ice cream or something. it doesn't have to be dinner.

Anonymous

OP 13h

and a woman meeting a man on a first date is risking more than a man. she is risking her safety more than a man is, and she’s spending way more time money and effort getting ready

Anonymous

OP 13h

i think that if the date is something that is like a little side quest in your day it's low effort. if that make sense. planning a dinner date is something to look forward too or even a walk at sunset.

Anonymous

#2 12h

If a woman really wants and likes a guy she will not need extra convincing to spend time with him

Anonymous

OP 12h

i mean picking out a restaurant where both you and her will enjoy the vibes and the food does take more effort than just going to starbucks. but i don’t think it has to be a super expensive dinner to be high effort.

Anonymous

#3 12h

I think you overestimate the thought process most people put behind picking the restaurant if at all. You cannot tailor the location the vibe of someone you’ve never met as you don’t know their “vibes”. Top three are going to be in no order price, location, and is the food actually good/what I want to eat then

Anonymous

OP 11h

she doesn’t know if she’ll really like a guy in the beginning tho

Anonymous

#2 11h

Neither does he but needs to be the sole party to invest? Either she wants the opportunity to get to know him also or she doesn’t. Both people are basing their want/like to go out for the first time off very little information anyways.

Anonymous

OP 11h

again- i never said he needs to do anything. just that it will increase his odds. that’s the world we live in. a man should do whatever he wants / is comfortable with in the realm of spending and effort.

Anonymous

#1 9h

As a lesbian this is so true lol

Anonymous

#5 8h

The normal meal based date has no particular effort or thought either beyond, what do I want to eat, how much do I want to pay, and what date/time. Only one thought is unique to this style of date that being the kind of food. A dinner date by definition is low effort planning wise but is seen as high effort simply due to cost