
cool_intellectual
Is it wrong to have racial preferences in dating and to articulate said preferences?And people got to stop acting like calling out racism is automatically demonization of a person. Most people have racist biases in some way. We live in a racist world. Just acknowledge them. And part of that acknowledgement is learning to shut the fuck up and not blast your racial preferences to the world, because you are just furthering stereotypes and fetishization in doing so.
It’s just ignorant to argue so adamantly that perceiving one race as more attractive is not rooted in racism. It is. And we live in a racist society. I’m not saying u have to go out and date everybody of every race. Date who u want. But acknowledge that preferences r shaped by our society, our upbringing, our attitudes. Racism is part of that. I feel like if ppl just acknowledged that.
It seems like the prevailing misconception is this thread is that racism is 1. A conscious choice and 2. The idea that one race is “better” than another. Racism is so much more complex because it is societal and systemic. Black women being seen as loud and aggressive is inherently rooted in racist propaganda in the same way the black men being viewed as rapists was. These ideas were spread to dehumanize black peoples throughout history. No two people of any race are identical in their looks or..
Personalities. Therefore, preferences based on race with no exceptions are rooted in racism. Infantilisation of Asian men and women is similar. If you only want to date Asian people because you view them as submissive, that’s rooted in systemic racism. Racism isn’t “hmm… I think black people are bad.” That type of oversimplification is exactly why unconscious bias is so prevalent in our culture. You don’t exist in a bubble. You exist in a society and that bitch is racist. Period.
Agreed. Although I’m curious your thoughts. I have no preference of physical features EXCEPT hair. To me 80% of what makes men attractive is hair, I’m not rly attracted to them if they don’t have what I like, and I specifically like straight mid length kinda anime boy hair. Mostly Asians and white people have that so i mainly go for them. Black peiple never do so I’ve never been attracted to a black man (tbf I am also not attracted to most men in general, just a small exception who have the hair
Um guys racism and prejudice is different. Preferences are also different. People are more comfortable around people who are similar to the people they grew up with, which isn’t racism, but psychology. Racism is the belief that one racial group is inherently superior or inferior to another. Prejudice is an unjustified, typically negative attitude or preconceived opinion directed toward an individual or group based on their social identity
I don’t think I understand. I don’t go out of my way to only swipe on white men on tinder but I am more attracted to white men. I don’t find black men ugly I am just not attracted to them. I’m not attracted to red heads so like I don’t understand the difference. I’d never say that to anyone’s face. I know white girls that are only attracted to black men so are they racist too?
That’s not true. I personally don’t find black women attractive. I’m not racist I don’t think I’m better or that my skin is better I’m just simply not attracted to them. I’m also not attracted to Indian women. That being said are there some beautiful women yes but I wouldn’t date them.
That’s fine. Your preferences are still rooted in racism. That doesn’t mean you are a blatant racist or a bad person. Y’all just dont want to think critically about this because you’re so scared of being labeled racist. Why don’t you find black or Indian women attractive? Because you have a generalized set of features you ascribe to them, influenced by past experiences and upbringing, and you’ve learned to deem them unattractive. I’m not calling you a bad person. But your preferences are absolut
Okay. I disagree with you. I would say sex is different because it determines sexual organs, and a romantic partner is someone you’re having sex with, so yes to many people whether or not you have a penis or a vagina matters when it comes to sex. I do believe gender and sexuality is also something that can be influenced by upbringing, life experiences, and even sexism as well. But that’s beside the point, and it doesn’t change the fact that your preferences have been influenced by racism.
I’m aware this is a very odd rant btw lol and kinda distracting from ur main point i apologize. I’m just curious whether you think that’s rooted in subconscious racism or I’m just weird. It’s worth noting I have been attracted to many black women, I’m just very weird with men in general
Yeah I’ll name a few. Now I will again say this this is based on my experience and what I’ve dealt with. This is in no way a representation on all people of color. Now that being said why I don’t like black women. They are more argumentative, louder, more disrespectful. I like my women to be softer and more lady like. Based on my personal experience black women don’t meet what I look for.
So that is racist. You are grouping all black women together because of specific situations you have seen from a couple people. You may say this isn’t a representation but in your mind it is. I have had multiple white men try and rape or assault me and didn’t take no. That doesn’t mean I lose my attraction for all white men because I also understand that to think every single white man is like that would be insane
They are lived experiences with a limited number of black women. And you have decided that all black women are more likely to be those things, so you avoid them. That’s your choice. But your description you just gave us? It is so blatantly racist that I cannot possibly explain this to you any further.
Not all black women are like that. And you see to know and acknowledge that. Yet you come on here, and for whatever reason, you think it’s okay to spread the idea that black women are mean, loud, and disrespectful. It’s not all black women, like you said. So how do you think that makes those black women feel that read your post? Do you not care about how your words affect others? You let your own experience and preferences override basic respect for others, and that is my problem with you.
Questions for you then. Let’s say you dated 5 pink colored skin men in a row and every single one of them smelled like ass would you go back for a 5th time or be like nah I think imma try purple men now. For me I wouldn’t go back that’s not racist it’s me finding something I don’t like and trying something different
Idk I guess it just works the same way other physical preferences do. Like I see a lot of women say they can’t be attracted to men who are shorter than them or whatever. Well I don’t care at all about height, never understood the hype. But hair? Absolutely fucking essential. It’s an unfortunate preference when a lot of men go bald and a lot of other men choose the most fuckass haircuts known to man.
No I don’t think it’s racist to want to try something different, and I’ve been making it clear from the beginning you don’t need to date ourside your preference. But it would be a problem if I came online and was like “well all the pink men I’ve dated smell like ass so I’m not gonna date them anymore”. Because that is mean and dehumanizing and spreads hatred. And that is exactly what you’re doing.
I didn’t spread hatred somebody asked ME why I don’t do it. Just because you didn’t like the answer isn’t my problem. I am a black man raised around black women dated several black women. I am around black women all the time. So because of this I prefer to not date black women. Not a single other race has to do with this. My preference isn’t based on racism it’s based on lived experiences.
Lived experiences are still internalized racism coded based on experience and trauma. One or several black women do not make up the entirety of black women. Some of you act so obtuse to people calling you racist for your actions bc you cannot fathom how deep racism truly is. Ppl find being racist the biggest insult ever instead of being held accountable for it and fixing it. I believe everyone can be educated and learn things everyday. You being defensive won’t help you learn
I’m not arguing that it’s not based on lived experiences. It’s still racism and generalization. You can be racist towards your own race, it does not absolve you of responsibility to treat others with respect. They asked because you - of your own free will - shared that you are not attracted to black women. They asked why because they assumed the reasons would be racist, and they were correct. I am not telling you to go date black women if you don’t want to, but you won’t even acknowledge your
Yes but not being attracted to someone isn’t discriminating against them though. The reasons behind not being attracted to someone could be because you’re more comfortable around people you grew up with, like if you grew up in a black neighborhood, but you don’t view white people as less than.
I asked because I wanted to make sure as sometimes it’s absolutely not because the person is racist, just that they have internalized things. You then explained further in a way that showed me your reasoning was just racist. You were the one who stated you didn’t find black women attractive. I didn’t do that
That’s not even what we’re getting at bc everyone has bad experiences with ppl of their own race we’re not a perfect altitude of ppl. But you using your experience as a one size fits all to tear down a demographic of women is just racist. Bc every woman of a specific race won’t even act the same anyway. You’re just stereotyping as an excuse to potentially uplift another race as if they can’t do the same things
Yes it is. No one is born loving one race over another it starts at home. That’s a learned trait that your parents should have known better to do. Excluding ppl to their entirety is racist. No one said “in order to not be racist you have to date one black girl at least once in your life” bc I guarantee you most of us will reject you bc we’ve been in that situation as the “experiment black girl”. Who isn’t wanted just there so ppl can’t pull the racist card
Yeah but it mattered enough that you decided to stop dating them altogether and to share that online. I’m not saying you have to date black women! Nobody is making you! But your thought processes are absolutely racist and you’re so scared of being called racist that you won’t even acknowledge the fact that racism just MIGHT be playing a role here. Your reasoning was blatantly racist and it is incredible that you don’t see that’s
But that doesn’t mean say an entire race is unattractive or not valuable to date bc of random reasons that are usually deep down stereotypes that are rooted in racism that was propelled on them by other ppl when deep down if it wasn’t for stereotypes everyone wouldn’t be up in arms about it in the first place bc we’d all act the exact same
That’s literally internalized racism and what every black man has used in podcasts to tear black women down. Do you watch manosphere black podcast content? Bc if anything black men act the same way. Loud, petty, no accountability. They take “expressing feelings” as “argumentative” bc a lot of men refuse to be accountable for actions. Instead they victim blame. YOU are the problem bc every woman will argue with you if you did fucked up shit not just as. Just say you hate women that will be open-
Yes which is internally racist in intent. That shouldn’t be explained further but instead you being accountable and acknowledging it bc you’re just really ignorant and don’t want to be called racist. You want to float around with that negativity without a label that’s deemed hurtful to your self esteem. It seems being called racist in any capacity is more of an insult than the actual ppl being hurt which are the ppl you’re stereotyping and discriminating against
Two things can be true at once. You have negative lived experiences, and that is valid. You don’t have to date black women. Coming on here and telling us that you won’t date black women because they are rude, loud and argumentative is racist. Like that genuinely could not be any clearer I don’t understanding what you are missing here. You say not all black women are like that, okay, then don’t tell us that they are rude and mean and you don’t want to date them because of it. Just don’t date them
Idc your experience is racist we all aren’t “loud”. I bet you’ve never actually spoken to a genuine black girl a day in your life you took a stereotype, ran with it, and label every black girl you see under that umbrella bc you don’t want to fix the true issue which is your shit personality. A lot of us are introverted, shy, neurodivergent. Personality is not racially ingraved so we’re not all loud and mean
I have not tore down a demographic of women. I am telling you why me personally won’t date black women again. I do not think black women are inferior or superior to anybody nor will I ever. I just won’t date them based off of my life experiences being around them all the time and seeing how those women around me act. It’s not something I want in a partner.
Bc if we did the same to you and say all black men do is avoid, leave when times don’t work for them, and abandon their lives for stupid reasons and never take care of their children, are uneducated and rude you’d hate that right? Like seriously. Think before you speak. Black ppl are not monolithic
You can have internalized racism towards your own race, even if it is based on lived experiences. But if you don’t want to acknowledge that then that’s fine. This whole time you have been more concerned with being labeled racist than thinking about how your words affect people, namely ALL the black women who you claim to understand don’t fit your description. Then why share it? Going forward, just do what you want and you don’t need to discuss your racial preferences or reasons for them, because
If you’re dating who you want anyways then it shouldn’t matter. I understand you were just trying to share your perspective and experience here but my issue is that you don’t see the harm in your words because to you it’s just talking about a dating preference. For women of color who hear this, it cuts into self esteem. For others, it reinforces stereotypes and racism. That is my final word on this.
It’s not name calling it’s the sad reality YOU live in. I’ve had bad experiences with black men. I can say all black men do is lie manipulate and cheat bc every black man I’ve dated has in fact…lied, manipulated, and cheated. The only person that didn’t cheat was my non white ex. But would I ultimately label ALL black men like that as you did to black women no. And I’ll STILL date black men bc I’m not a mean bitch that stereotypes a whole archetype of a gender. Continue to be racist big guy
Meant to say non black ex. Dude was a sweet guy just didn’t work long term for me. But you’re more fixated on your feelings than others that’s just selfish dude. Bc every person you went to school did not act like that it was prob less than half you’re actually slow. And if they act that way that reflects how you act you know that right? Would you say that to your mom’s face? That she’s loud and argumentative bc EVERY black woman you’ve met in life is like that?
I don’t believe a persons dating preference are ever based on racism ever. Somebody asked me why I don’t date black women so I told them my reasons of not dating them. Based on what I’ve experienced isn’t racist. It’s just what I’ve been around and don’t want that. Even with us disagreeing you’ve been polite and respectful so thank you for the conversation and I hope you have a wonderful day.
I mentioned this in the original post but the literal definition of racism is discrimination against someone based on their race. It’s okay to have a preference. But, if you won’t even bother getting to know someone because of their race, you’re discrimination against them based on their race
Because it’s way more likely that they will be “loud and rude.” He obviously prefers a woman with a more introverted personality, therefore he would rather not waste his time. Say you have a bunch of orange carrots and you take a bite of one but don’t like the taste so you try a few others but they’re all too bitter for you. Instead of trying every single carrot in the patch and continuously getting bitter ones, you might try the purple carrots instead.
No. So, like I said, it’s just that more of the orange carrots are bitter so you’re more likely to get bitter ones. Then you might be more inclined after that to try purple carrots. Nothing wrong w that. Thing abt ts is, it completely depends on how you are stating your preference/what exactly the preference is
I am more than willing to be best friends with anyone no matter their skin color or hair color lol. If I was on the bachelor or something I would give all races the same chance. I just wouldn’t go out of my way to get with a black man. I did say I don’t find them attractive, I more meant I don’t find them AS attractive.
You can’t control who you’re attracted to, but that attraction is likely influenced by upbringing and life experiences, which may include racist stereotypes or attitudes. I think the fact that you’d never say that to anyone’s face is good and shows you are not ill-intentioned, plus you didn’t say you cut off an entire race from consideration (unlike some people in these comments). As for white girls that are only attracted to black men, that is often due to fetishization and stereotypes,
About what, your preferences? You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. What I think is people should stop openly discussing racial preference as some casual conversation topic because that is demeaning towards the groups you’re talking about. Really, I just want people to acknowledge the possibility that their preferences may be influenced by racism. You don’t have to date any differently because of what I think.
Hey, I want to weigh it on this. I’m a black woman, and I can understand where you’re coming from #5. There’s a lifestyle many black men choose that I really don’t respect, it’s a turn off. Because if that, I end up not being attracted to anyone with said lifestyle, many being black men unfortunately… I grew up around it, I see it everywhere, but I know not all black men are like that, and I’m not like that. I am still very attracted to black men that do NOT behave that way, I don’t count all ou
OG is saying there are underlying roots in racism not because of your experiences with black woman being very real and very common, but your decision to block out the race instead of each person the minute they show the traits you don’t desire. The lifestyle I dislike is unattractive on anyone I see it on; I’m immediately turned off by anyone showing those, and I could never date them. Though statistically many (maybe most) are black men, I’m not turned off by black men as a whole
Thankfully, you know automatically if someone is loud/abrupt, and you’re able to not waste time if that’s not something you like 👍🏾. So I get what you’re saying, but I do agree with OP that if you KNOW every black woman isn’t like that, even if it’s more common, it doesn’t take long before you know whether or not they are like that, why count out the whole race? You wouldn’t be wasting time much time at all taking it person-by-person
I don’t think what you said was completely wrong but theoretically speaking if you met another black woman, and she shows you those type of traits that you like a soft feminine woman would you be open to possibly dating her? A lot of women are a product of their environment because even women of other races could be more tough
OK, so I have a question. I don’t preferably date white men because with them I have seen that the ones I dated expected the world to fall at their feet and they don’t have a very hard working mentality and I would like a man how is hardworking and have more of a provider mentality but that doesn’t me if I met a white men and see some traits I like that I wouldn’t give him a chance but I wouldn’t go looking for one if that makes sense. I’m not racist if they have the traits I will try
Thats the thing. If you were raised around a ton of black women, or a ton of indian women, if you were from a black community or lived in india, the statistical likelihood of you being attracted to those women SKYROCKETS. …Your preference is rooted in racism. Factually. Via bias, a lack of exposure, a lack of ideal media representation in the shows and movies you watched…accept reality lil bro.
If I grew up in the hood and was surrounded by mfs doing wild shit, selling stuff, shooting out…is it racist to say that black men are violent or dangerous based on my lived experience? That they’re thieves and murderers? Or am I being prejudiced bc of a lack of exposure to good black men who aren’t dealing with the stressors of poverty as a young man who’s trying to support himself/help his family?
…thats even more racist. Because that means it’s entirely internal and based off of media and stereotypes you’ve been fed, that you’ve then projected those flat traits onto the women you’re with. The way you’re so blantantly ignoring any kind of fact or accountability tells me those women probably weren’t angry. You are an angering, obtuse, mean person. You are rude, you likely expected that behavior and lived a self-fulfilling prophecy