Ask Women on Sidechat | my boyfriend has a history of punching the wall when he gets mad. I’ve told him it scares me. He says he would never lay his hands on me, and it happened again last night. How should I approach this? I love him and want to help but also need him to stop

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Ask Women 1d

my boyfriend has a history of punching the wall when he gets mad. I’ve told him it scares me. He says he would never lay his hands on me, and it happened again last night. How should I approach this? I love him and want to help but also need him to stop

Anonymous 1d

Break up with him. If you have told him it scares you and he continues to do it something else is wrong. My ex used to do the same thing until eventually he actually did hit me

Anonymous 1d

Huge red flag. He can’t control his anger issues. It’s only a matter of time before he takes it out on you

Anonymous 1d

I say this as someone who used to be abusive. Either get out or let him know you’re serious about him getting help or finding some other way to stop. That reaction comes from issues regulating emotions, be it poor mental health or something else, and it can very much m escalate to violence if he doesn’t learn how to regulate it properly. He can’t say with confidence he won’t hit you bc the whole reason he’s hitting walls is he can’t control his reactions appropriately.

Anonymous 1d

I used to punch myself or punch my head till I broke down crying, maybe get him a punching bag

Anonymous 1d

My brother used to do this. He went to therapy over the course of a year or two and got better.

Anonymous 21h

I used to be impulsive like he was. Rarely so but I have put holes in walls and damaged my hands/knuckles from punching things. For me it took a complete change of mindset to finally stop. It starts by asking 2 questions. What are you about to do, and why are you about to do it. You can practice it in your everyday life. Wake up. What are you about to do? Probably get out of bed. Why? Because you have a date to get ready for. Just an example. Do it daily for as many things as possible.

Anonymous 1d

If he hits other things never not doubt he won’t hit you

Anonymous 19h

Punching the wall is retarted

Anonymous 9h

My ex punched the wall too, but in my case it did not scare me. The way he did it and the reasons behind it made it make sense, and I sometimes enjoy taking out my frustrations on a pillow. Trust your gut. Your intuition often detects danger before your mind does. If you ever feel like something is off, something is missing, or you’re not safe, listen to that feeling and end things.

Anonymous

#1 1d

(I’m a dude)

Anonymous

#3 1d

Like what is getting this guy so angry he is punching walls?

Anonymous

#4 1d

For what it’s worth I learned to regulate my emotional expressions and I am safe to be around now. I’m still with my bf and we fixed things. BUT do not be with him while he’s working on himself bc it’s just not safe or fair to you at all

Anonymous

#3 1d

With the situation last night. We were already asleep and a cup of water spilled over waking me up. I had repeatedly told him in the past to not have the water next to the bed and he didnt listen. I woke up to the floor soaked and was upset and definitely was giving him a hard time, and woke him up. He flipped out tho, punch the wall, yelled and got out of bed. He said he needed a second for “everything to stop” but I was scared and crying after, feeling helpless

Anonymous

#2 1d

I just know he won’t hit me though, and like doesn’t feel like something ending a relationship over. But it’s also like idk how to get him to take me seriously and stop. He says he doesn’t want to react this way, but it’s reaffirming

Anonymous

#4 1d

See we’ve been together a year and he’s never laid a finger on me. But in instances where he yells or hits things, obviously it feels like my fight or flight kicks in, feeling fearful and helpless. He said he wants to not react this way but idk what direction to point him in to get help. But since he was young he’s been like this, so ik it’s deep rooted stuff but it’s hard when he apologizes and then does it again. It’s gotten a lot less, like it’s been months since this has happened but scary

Anonymous

#1 1d

How do u recommend I approach him, in getting him to stop. Like i obviously never want to end things but i need him to take me seriously and stop

Anonymous

OP 1d

He has anger issues. Have u asked him to try therapy? If he isn’t receptive to that, then that’s a problem. I’d be concerned too, bc it shows lack of self-control

Anonymous

OP 1d

This sounds disturbing. Not a healthy situation

Anonymous

#6 1d

I haven’t really brought up the idea seriously, but I just texted him right now bringing it up. I have struggles of my own and I get it’s hard, but all I want is to see real effort in fixing it ya know. I think therapy would be a great first step, thank you

Anonymous

OP 1d

You’re welcome. I’d trust ur instincts. If it makes u feel uncomfortable or scared, that’s probably for a reason.

Anonymous

OP 1d

My bf used to have a scary kind of anger, and I told him it scares me. He didn't change until I asked him to do this 3 things daily: - read his Bible 1 chapter everyday. - make a grateful notes 3 things he should be grateful for - lent fasting at that time. He can choose whatever he likes and abstain from it during Lent. Now he maintains all those three, and even maintains his daily exercise. His anger no longer as scary as it was. I didn't ask for, but he personally decided to keep doing it.

-2

Anonymous

OP 1d

Sit him down and tell him you’d like to talk to him about something. Tell him you’re concerned about his anger issues and it’s scaring you. He sounds like he needs therapy, help him workout the details on getting an appointment if you wanna make it easier for him to accept.

Anonymous

OP 23h

That’s a massive overreaction for something so small. Dude needs professional help.

Anonymous

#9 21h

But especially do it for things that you do unconsciously. Things that just “feel right” to do automatically. Things that you don’t usually think about. Another thing that helps is committing to making better choices.

Anonymous

#9 21h

My philosophy is that our lives are the summation of our choices. Sometimes those choices can be influenced by our environment, so we make choices that feel subjectively right but are objectively wrong. So we should commit to making better choices, no matter what. Always. Think about everything you do in your day to day life as a choice.

Anonymous

#8 19h

While I understand that religion helped you, it can really hurt others. My ex was very religious and still hit me. He actually justified his anger by saying God gave him his anger and it had to go somewhere. Also a person doesn’t get better because of their faith, they get better because it’s a personal choice they make