Anonymous mother_russia 4d

I used to talk to my ex all the time. They were the one person I could talk to about anything. They gave me purpose to try. Purpose to wake up and work towards something with. Without a partner I can trust and grow with, I feel so stagnant.

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Anonymous OP 4d

My friends I can’t speak openly with. Just cannot. And when I try to talk about my lack of purpose with them I’m met with “that’s too bad” “that’s life” “oh well”

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Anonymous OP 4d

Yeah that’s definitely a dependence on a partner. You have to find factors outside of your partner to live and try and grow. It sounds like you’re using whoever you’re dating to build your entire world around and use them as your lifeline. Ultimately you need to be able to exist without a partner and be able to motivate yourself and give yourself purpose outside of that relationship

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Anonymous OP 4d

Oh damn I’m really sorry your friends are like that. Honestly sounds like you need better friends bc that’s super shitty

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

I think I get it. And was afraid these feels were an over dependence. I’m not dating anyone now, I wish I was but was worried if Im dependent on them that’s unfair to anyone I would be with.

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

Thank you

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

Thank you. I don’t know. They are good people I just chalk it up to them not really being able to handle my issues. So it’s better to not bother

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Anonymous OP 4d

This might sound like a dumb solution, but when I felt like that in life I started volunteering. It helped give me purpose (ex: volunteering at a dog shelter gives importance to your work by getting to help animals and get them adopted) and also joy from being able to see the results of the hard work

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Anonymous OP 4d

It could help you make some quality friends too and give you something to do so you have less time to feel lonely or worry about anything

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

Thank you, that seems like good advice. I am trying to stay busy. I’ve reconnected with old friends, and I’m starting a new job soon. My previous ex leaving utterly destroyed me. And I’m just trying to handle it and rebuild.

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

Thank you. Not a dumb solution at all. I’ve not been the same since losing them. Any advice is welcome and greatly appreciated

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Anonymous OP 4d

Yeah it can definitely take a while to rebuild yourself after something like that but it sounds like you’re really trying and that’s great

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

Thank you. I’m trying as best I can. There’s good days and bad. It’s just trying to take it as I can. We were engaged. It’s was 250 days until the wedding when they left, and I’ve not been the same since.

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Anonymous OP 4d

I’m worried to get into any other relationships, despite this empty feeling. Primarily because of what we talked about, that it seems like dependence, which is unfair to them, and secondly I’ve struggled with finding my self worth. My ex, tho I didn’t see it at the time, constantly demeaned me for my interests and hobbies, and our sex life was awful. I was put down for my tastes there. I feel so beaten down and don’t want to take this sadness into a new relationship, but feel I need it to heal

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Anonymous OP 4d

I don’t know. I’m sorry for the spam, it’s just been overall very difficult. Thank you for your advice, it is appreciated.

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Anonymous OP 4d

I’m so sorry, that sounds horrible and really emotionally abusive.

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Anonymous OP 4d

I know them leaving really sucks (especially with the timing) but it sounds like they weren’t good to you either and that it could be a good thing that you aren’t together anymore.

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

I think so too. In the long run I feel like I will be better off. But in the short terms it’s been difficult. Having to explain to all our guests and vendors the wedding is off. Finding the motivation to get out of bed every day. My main hobbies, woodworking and blacksmithing, have been off the table too, as I was told I couldn’t have anything I may harm myself with. I feel safer not having something I could use for that, but with my outlets gone, I feel worse.

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Anonymous OP 4d

Hmmm what about sculpting? No sharp objects really but you would still be making something with your hands

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Anonymous mother_russia 4d

I’ll give that a try. Thank you again. I’m sorry to put so much on you, I’ve just had no one to talk to about this in the month it’s been. I greatly appreciate it

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Anonymous OP 4d

No it’s totally okay, I’m glad I could help at least a little.

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