Ask Women on Sidechat | I feel like a lot of guys our age look down on women who had shitty breakups/divorces or got in bad relationships but as a guy who’s mom was in that situation, imo it often isn’t the woman’s naivety and ppl can hide their true colors. Would yall agree?

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Ask Women 10w

I feel like a lot of guys our age look down on women who had shitty breakups/divorces or got in bad relationships but as a guy who’s mom was in that situation, imo it often isn’t the woman’s naivety and ppl can hide their true colors. Would yall agree?

Anonymous 10w

I just think there’s a lot of victim blaming where people say “she should’ve known better” when firsthand I’ve experienced it and I can say, sometimes there is no way for the woman to know as people can completely change.

Anonymous 10w

My sis was divorced before she graduated college. It was definitely not her fault. We’ve both gone through multiple awful relationships. I feel like no one should be judged or looked down upon for their past relationships unless there is a clear undeniable pattern that warrants judging

Anonymous 10w

A recent study found that 95.1% of men who had some kind of sexual encounter within the last two years engaged in some kind of sexually predatory/coercive behavior. The problem isn’t that women are bad at choosing. The problem is that most men don’t have enough empathy for women to truly treat them well. Any time you try any man, chances are he will do something shitty.

Anonymous 9w

I disagree. I don’t believe that any woman goes into a relationship looking for shitty guys, but many of them end up staying with them way longer than they should have. How can I trust a woman to keep our children safe if she can’t even respect herself enough to leave the moment she gets abused/cheated on, etc.?

Anonymous 10w

Hi I am a guy that is a virgin by choice. I too am perplexed by the trust issue among people. What I see is either people with bad intentions or good people with bad experiences from bad people. Either way trust is low and barriers are high for good treason by some. What happens this becomes a maze and a jungle to navigate and for a person to truly trust another. It’s too much time and energy for this to happen while being too easy for a bad person to take advantage.

-1

Anonymous 10w

Stfu simp

-1

Anonymous

#2 10w

The only way around this is to invest in real communities and get to know people overtime in real life and make a pick there. The other odd thing I noticed is many don’t want to spend the time to do that which means they don’t have a way around from bad people wasting their time or bad experiences. So basically this is like some singularity event where peak internet culture doesn’t have a third space for people see each other in real life.

Anonymous

OP 10w

Yeah, it’s just another excuse to avoid accountability.

Anonymous

#3 10w

What fucking study?

Anonymous

#3 10w

I looked into the study and I don’t really agree with it. Saying this as OP here and I clearly support women. It considers some pretty stupid stuff to be coercive like “Had a female friend around to make the woman feel safe”. Like what do you want the alternative to be, just have men around her instead? Or like “Used your money, age, status to convince her”. Yeah… humans are materialistic creatures… we care about this shit. Should I just be broke and be a bum instead? Pretty misleading imo.

Anonymous

OP 9w

For context, the study explicitly asked for their behavior AFTER SHE ALREADY SAID NO. All of that was an attempt to manipulate her feelings in some way to overcome her lack of consent. It is all predatory, and it is all unacceptable.

Anonymous

#6 9w

The study is called “Isolate, Inebriate, Intimidate, Repeat: High Rates of Sexual Force Against Women Are Reported When Young Men Given Anonymous Surveys”. It asks a bunch of men how they behave after being told “no” by a woman they want to have sex with. 95.1% tried to manipulate her in some way, using at least one tactic designed to influence her emotions or worse.

Anonymous

#3 9w

How exactly do you measure something like that when not every no is the same?Some nos mean never some nos mean you can try again later. If a girl says no but keeps flirting with me hours later I’m not allowed to ask again?

Anonymous

#3 9w

Ilyas.abdulin on tik tok debunked this study pretty well about a week ago. Only 12 of the 36 different strategies used are considered “forceful strategies”. And 62.6% of the men reported none. 37.4% of the sample reported to using at least one forceful strategy. 37.4% is the number we should be focusing on, not 95.1

Anonymous

#9 4w

If someone online doesn’t think that trying to emotionally influence someone or lie to them after they say no is bad, that doesn’t discount the study’s findings. My personal standards are this: any man who does any of the things listed in the study is not good enough to be part of my social circle. Those are my standards, and they are not yours to decide.

Anonymous

#9 4w

What to do if someone says no? ACCEPT IT. The worst that can happen if you take no for an answer is this: it won’t lead to sex, and if she wanted sex, she will learn to communicate better next time. The worst that can happen if you try to circumvent a no? You pressure someone into having sex they don’t want, which can leave them feeling guilty, violated, depressed, or pregnant. If you care more about sex than the other person, sex isn’t for you.