
I’ve been there. For me, I just adjusted. This may not work for you. I just thought, “I’ll do what I can, but his choices are out of my control” and helped as much as I could. I became isolated and independent because in my experience, asking for help got me nowhere. He did manage to overcome his addiction. If you want more details, I’m happy to answer questions.
I stopped feeling anxiety over stuff like this after repeated emergency situations. I found out that my fight/flight/freeze/fawn response is typically freeze, and after experiencing this a couple times, I made a bunch of emergency plans and practiced/rehearsed them. From then on I no longer froze because I knew what to do. Over time I got desensitized. Is this healthy? Idk. It’s just what I do apparently.
Part of what helped in my case was identifying and addressing what went wrong to cause the drug behavior. He didn’t really want his life to go that way. His story isn’t mine to share in any identifiable way, but I will say this: people with happy, normal lives usually don’t just turn to drugs. Usually there is some personal struggle or peer pressure involved.
Just realized this was for OP. Yeah, after reading her last comment, I agree. If he’s going to change his habits, he has to want to. My ex really wanted to be free from drugs, and that is what drove him to make that change. It came from him first and foremost. He did it with the help of others, but that would have been impossible if he didn’t want to be free.
You know more about the underlying reasons than I do. If it’s the toxic influence of another person, building up his self confidence and telling him over and over that he has a right to be himself might help. Also building community, introducing him to good people who respect him and his space.
With toxic influences, the truth comes out eventually. The toxic friend will eventually show their true colors. At the same time, the good friends will be the same as ever. He’ll notice that. Also, if you can build a good support network, there will be less pressure on you. You’ll feel more free to stay with him or leave, without the guilt of seeing him lose his only safe space.