Anonymous #1 9w

I’m completely sober and have read it a few times😔 i get it, then i dont

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Anonymous #2 9w

This is about dating. The point being made is that even though women have a saturated pool of options, and not all of those options are high quality, they still have options and don’t have to work as hard to get them. So the real question is: which is better, having to work hard for limited options(that still may not be great), or having plenty of options that aren’t always great?

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Anonymous OP 9w

ohh😭 idk it seems like kinda a pointless question. but what’s good about having options if you don’t want any of them lol

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Anonymous #1 9w

What’s good about not having options or trying super hard to get them?

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Anonymous #1 9w

You don’t want any of them because u have options. If you had 2 opportunities a year you’d care more about them . Rn you’re suffering from analysis paralysis and inflation

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Anonymous #4 9w

also psych studies show that people prefer less choices

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Anonymous beestboy 9w

that’s a weird thing to say tbh?? if i’m not romantically or physically attracted to them i don’t want to be with them period it doesn’t matter how many options i have. if i like someone i like someone if i dont i dont

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Anonymous #1 9w

Yeah but would you rather have no options or work hard for your options?

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Anonymous OP 9w

i don’t get what ur saying 😭 work hard as in..??

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Anonymous #1 9w

As in. If you didn’t put forth effort at all the option wouldnt be there

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Anonymous #7 8w

As my example illustrates, it is really not that hard to appeal to women. Guys who can’t figure out how are deficient somewhere and usually their problem is that they are subtly indicating that they’re dangerous (like through resentment)

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Anonymous #7 8w

I think that you have a tremendous lack of empathy for men…. And a tremendous lack of understanding about the difficulty of appealing to women from a man’s respective.

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Anonymous OP 8w

I would rather have difficulty attracting someone than fear for my life on dates- or fear being raped. One is unfortunate and can suck. One can kill.

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You have more options, good or bad they are still there and that is a distinguishable difference

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Women have more options in dating than men whether they are good or bad

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Yall get more matches in dating apps and you have a DRAMATICALLY higher successful cold approach rate.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

OK, but if you were at a convention where you’re supposed to talk to people, since it’s a third space meant for getting to know others, how likely is a woman to get a date by asking someone out there, compared to a man doing the same at that same convention?

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Anonymous OP 8w

Oh I would never ask someone out at a convention. I would make friends. When I go into a space like that my intention is not for dating. Besides… at the conventions I go to there’s plenty of desperate people- men and women.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

How does it feel to know that you can be picky about the third spaces that you choose to be open for romantic attention in …while still knowing that if you wanted to be open then you could like any other third space?

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Also, most women Ive talked to at conventions think like you

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Anonymous OP 8w

I’ve asked out men before. There are spaces for that kind of thing. Conventions are not that. There’s a lot of wonderful people… and a lot of weirdos. Besides, me being in a wheelchair at them doesn’t exactly make people want to talk to me🙄. I don’t care. I choose to not date. Because the men I’ve meet since high school don’t meet basic expectations.

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Anonymous OP 8w

Yeah because we’ve been creeped on there.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Where are those spaces then?

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

So you can be picky about where you choose to be open to romantic attention without that affecting your total potential for romantic success like getting a date

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

What are possibly the standards that me aren’t meeting for you rn?

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Anonymous OP 8w

I go to anime conventions and oddity fairs. Not the place to pick up people. Especially since the ages are so varied.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

What places are for romantic intent?

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Anonymous OP 8w

Well I haven’t met a guy who: wants a long term relationship, is willing to wait to have sex, is respectful of my opinions, wants kids, can communicate, doesn’t get jealous of my friends. Me and my ex broke up because he wouldn’t tell me anything. Nothing that upset him was ever talked about. He would just brush it off. And I’m terrible at picking up hints so I need someone who can actually talk.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Note: the waiting for sex is because I prefer to know the person first. I don’t do sex on the first date or even the first few. I need a relationship before I personally feel comfortable with that. And that’s a huge deal breaker. Plus a lot of guys don’t like that I’m driven.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Wait for sex?… for how long?

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

What do you mean isn’t jealous of your friends?

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Anonymous OP 8w

Not anime conventions that’s for damn sure lol. Any place could technically be for romantic intent but I do have to say, being harassed by older men after my Papa’s funeral was not the place for it. I can give you hundreds of examples of people being creepy or weird. I have never been asked out in public. No number, no anything. My experiences are purely with dating people I knew.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

So where are the places that youd feel comfortable?

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Anonymous OP 8w

Depends on the relationship. Everyone is different and has different expectations for something like sex. I don’t like being submissive. This throws people off. And I have guy friends that I am physically affectionate with- hugging and such. Also because of my bisexuality I’ve had ex’s get jealous I was hugging my female friends too.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

For how long are they usually waiting?….and are you demisexual/ on the asexual spectrum or just low libido?

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Anonymous OP 8w

Oh my romantic success is totally awful. I’ve tried looking for dates and it’s gone terribly.

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Anonymous OP 8w

I’m not on the demisexual spectrum or low libido. That’s not why I prefer to wait. Sex is a very intimate act for me, so I prefer to get to know my partner and discuss things like that before we actually have sex.

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Anonymous OP 8w

I mean I would feel comfortable at: libraries, cafés, restaurants, college- even just walking around. I’m telling you I have never been approached and asked for my number.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Ok

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Anonymous OP 8w

My standards aren’t anything ridiculous. I want to be treated well in a long term relationship. I don’t date casually. I want to be able to see a future with whomever I date.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Well if you think any place is a place for romantic how do you expect it to go well?

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Anonymous OP 8w

I don’t? Anywhere can be a place to be approached (besides the gym and at customer service jobs). Hell I’ve approached more than I’ve been approached. Doesn’t mean anything happened but I’ve tried. It has nothing to do with my attractiveness level either. I just don’t go to clubs. Be respectful, kind and appropriate. That’s really all it takes.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

Ok ig that makes sense

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

It sounds like you dont like being approached tho

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

It sounds like you don’t like being approached at all tho

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Likes to match ratio is different and i didnt just say apps

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Anonymous OP 8w

You aren’t reading very clearly. I’ve never been approached. I’ve been harassed. There’s a difference. No one has ever walked up to me and asked for my number.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 8w

I say that bc you caveats for where you want ppl to approach you … i think a convention is a great place for you specifically bc you ppl with similar interests as you. Those are the better ppl you could be dating

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Matching and liking a small pool of guys…

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Anonymous OP 8w

No one has approached me at a convention. I’m speaking for my own approaching. Well… no one has approached me with good intentions at a convention. I’ve gotten some looks for being so young in a wheelchair and such but no one actually asks each other out during a convention.

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Anonymous OP 8w

I have empathy for specific men and their challenges, I do not empathize with the general “plight of men” since we live in a world where girls are still sold off for marriage at 5 years old, one in 3 college girls have experienced sexual assault, and 99% of medical research has been conducted on male bodies. I think those of you who believe that men are uniquely challenged might be challenged yourselves, but that has more to do with your frontal lobe’s capacity than your gender.

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Anonymous #7 8w

What is the general plight of men?

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Yes more options mean more ppl interested….Higher cold approach success rates… more likes on dating apps

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“Options” that dont reveal themselves to you arent options.

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You should never be encouraging anybody to go beg for attention from women

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No ….women can’t wait for the chance to tell a regular every day man no…. So the advice to men should always be to leave women the hell alone.

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Why do you expect men to make the first move? Stop doing that. It’s not safe for you, and it’s not fair to him. You’re the one with the safety concerns, so you should be the one making the first move. You should be the one asking people out, because you’re the one worried about safety, not him. He’s not afraid of you. You’re afraid of him. So ask him yourself. If you won’t, then let him leave you alone.

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Well, it’s not a good way

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I’d rather just tell men to leave women alone

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Well, y’all do it a lot… it’s only fair to conclude that that’s what’s happening

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Since when did women ever care about men being alone enough to pay attention to their complaints

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Anonymous OP 8w

Women are wayyy more accepting and supportive of men entering female-dominated support spaces (such as SA victim groups) than men are of women who enter their spaces

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Anonymous OP 8w

But I actually don’t see a good argument as to why women should care about men’s loneliness? Women have faced systemic problems for centuries (subjugation, political oppression, sexual violence) and where have men been?

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Anonymous #7 8w

Since when did female dominated support spaces create space for men who are lonely… and since when did women care about men complaining that they’re lonely?

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Anonymous #7 8w

Is anyone here asking you to care?… you’re the one that brought loneliness up.

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No I don’t feel that women hostile towards me or men in general. I know that women reject a lot of people… and that’s fair… so the response to that is to leave women alone. I’d rather not feed women’s egos or encourage other men to feed women’s egos

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And what I mean by the question is, I didn’t bring up loneliness.. you brought up loneliness. I just said that men should leave women alone as a means to not feed their egos. I don’t expect women to care about male loneliness… I don’t even expect women to care about men in general… I don’t expect anything from women.

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you’re right women aren’t a hive mine and they are individual people, but there are trends in behavior …. And a lot of single women are rejecting a lot of single men…. That’s their prerogative to reject all of those men…. My suggestion to the men is to leave them alone.

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There’s no problem I’m just saying that men should leave women alone. Women have their prerogative to reject people.. I’m not going to encourage men to feed women’s egos. Also, I would never want to increase the amount of hurt men in the world. And the best way to decrease that amount is to get more men happy with dying alone.

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I think some women do, and I’m glad they feel great about themselves. Women should feel great about themselves. I just don’t think men should be the ones feeding that ego. And not just for high ego women, but any woman. They have options if they want them, they can get them. I’m not going to tell men to bend over backwards trying to be an option for women. I’d actually rather men not participate in that at all.

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It’s about managing expectations. I’m not going to encourage men to get their feelings hurt because of optimism. Women say no a lot, and men aren’t meeting their standards. So under those circumstances, do I think men should feel bad for not being able to meet women’s standards? No. If they can’t meet the standards, I think they should find a way to be happy in a way that doesn’t concern women in a romantic context.

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Depends on the man… if he’s never had success, I wouldn’t encourage him to continue to try

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What women say that they like and what they actually like varies a lot… and I don’t think men who have never been desired by women should concern themselves with the standards enough to be hard on themselves about it. I think that they should take a step back.

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I would never encourage men to work on themselves to appease women

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I personally would buy a car from a salesman that nobody ever buys cars from. But I know that’s not a good sales pitch though. And if you don’t make a sale after a long time, usually they just fire you.

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Nope, he should figure out how to live his life in a way that is not concerned with women in romantic context. I’m not an advocate for hurting men’s feelings.. I’m an advocate for resigning from things that hurt you.

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And also, I hate it when people talk about confidence. It takes a lot of confidence to talk to women in general and if they’re constantly getting rejected, I’m not gonna advocate for them to continue their feelings hurt

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I don’t want to see men get hurt from things I do not necessitate them having a fulfilling life

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Men should not have to work on themselves to appease women. They should work on themselves to appease themselves. It already takes confidence to have put yourself in a position to be rejected a lot

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Also, talking about people who have experienced being undesirable as if there's something wrong with them, to the point that they need to work on themselves to make other people happy, is fucked up. And that's the reason why I advocate for them to resign themselves from the entire thing and focus on other things. Not because focusing on other things will make their dating life better, but because focusing on other things would make them not even need to think about having a dating life.

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It takes confidence to put yourself in a position to be rejected enough times to be tired of rejection. That environment is hostile on your mental health.

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How much rejection from men have you experienced in your life?

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Not receiving romantic attention isn’t the same as rejection. The same vulnerabilities aren’t present. I can imagine that the bullying, the dares people made concerning you, were genuinely hurtful. I think your two rejections are the closest glimpse you’ve had into what a lot of men deal with on a much larger scale. But it’s not easy and I don’t expect men to continue doing it.

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it gets exhausting. Women are pickier than men and that’s OK, but there will be men that won’t get picked. Those men should not be sitting there like dogs, waiting for their owner to come home.

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Being rejected as many times as a lot of men have required confidence… that confidence has not been beneficial to them in a way that would’ve made their dating prospects better thus far

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