Ask Women on Sidechat | The longer i date the less i understand monogamy. If youre monogamous, why is exclusivity a need for you?

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Ask Women 18h

The longer i date the less i understand monogamy. If youre monogamous, why is exclusivity a need for you?

Anonymous 17h

because i want to be with my partner and only my partner and i expect the same from them, why would they even think of going out and messing with other people if not to imply that im not good enough for them and vice versa, at that point dont even date anyone

🦇

Anonymous 16h

i enjoy casually dating a few ppl at a time sometimes but when it comes to a committed relationship i prefer monogamy. for sexual health reasons for one. and i believe the bond is stronger when you are only sharing your body and intimate self with that one person not others. i’ve had both monogamous and non monogamous and it just feels more intense, real and intimate for me when im only focused on one person.

Anonymous 17h

I expect to receive back what I have to offer, which is loyalty and consideration and support

Anonymous 16h

i can barely manage one relationship, much less multiple. i think all the people that would be up in my business would genuinely pmo

Anonymous 17h

Because it would make me feel inferior, and bc I’m a very loyal person and want my person to be the same. I have nothing against consensual nonmonogamy, it’s just not for me. I don’t think it would be my thing even if I were perfectly secure in the relationship tbh. Maybe in a perfect scenario I would do closed poly, or see them with a close friend, but never a stranger

Anonymous 16h

OP I get where you're coming from here in the abstract but this is like asking a gay man why he doesn't think beautiful women are attractive to him. like it's just not a question that makes sense.

Anonymous 15h

I’m formerly monogamous, and my best guess, while simple, is that social norms have a really deep impact on people. Most people don’t spend their lives questioning the status quo, they just watch their Disney movies and hear Reddit horror stories about cheated and stop there.

Anonymous 17h

Because I’m not polyamorous

Anonymous 10h

knowing that someone else has the same depth of love and vulnerability with my partner jsut doesn’t make me comfortable. casually dating is fine, but if i’m in a committed relationship, that’s between me and 1 person. i want the bond with my partner to be special and between us only. it does not feel right nor special if another person or more are included. id never want my partner to be intimate with me n someone else if we’re in a committed relationship. sex isnt a hobby

Anonymous 16h

First thing is disease. Second is mental health. Overtime with various partners disease and mental health will form.

-2

Anonymous

#1 17h

How does it imply youre not good enough? Like i can see how that could be the case but in my experience thats not really been true

Anonymous

#3 17h

I mean all of those things can be true regardless of monogamy or not

Anonymous

#4 17h

Sure but what about the idea of someone you love sharing that love with others is offputting?

-1

Anonymous

OP 17h

Hmmm consideration and support sure, loyalty I don’t think so

Anonymous

OP 17h

I am only romantically attracted to one person at a time. If my partner wanted to include another person I would just break up. I don’t want that because it’s not something I feel at all. If they push that boundary that’s just fucked up

Anonymous

#4 17h

Youd break up for them mentioning it?

Anonymous

#3 17h

Im not sure i understand how someone cant be loyal to multiple people

-2

Anonymous

OP 17h

Yes. Because that’s something I mention. An important boundary for me is I don’t want someone else in my relationship. If my partner ignores that they obviously don’t care about me and my boundaries. So I would leave

Anonymous

#4 16h

Ah for sure for sure

Anonymous

#7 15h

Idk im getting a lot of good answers from folks 🤷‍♀️ also im a lesbian and i could tell you why im not into men. But i get ur point

Anonymous

#6 15h

Is this not also the case with any relationship

Anonymous

OP 15h

That is true if one picks an abusive person for life. It isn’t just one person though and generally after so many partners statistics will also turn.

Anonymous

#6 15h

I mean but what about having standards lol like this can be avoided in polyamory as much as it can in monogamy

Anonymous

#1 15h

Some logic I found persuasive on this topic was the question of why that’s only true romantically. For example, why is it that we don’t get jealous when our best friend hangs out with other people platonically? We don’t generally interpret that as “not being good enough” for our best friends.

Anonymous

OP 15h

In Poly, the third partner can be a long time friend and with known history. Then that can control the disease and mental health issues. For a lifetime though, the partners can build up.

Anonymous

#6 15h

Im not sure if i am understanding what youre trying to say tbh

Anonymous

#9 15h

Yes this is the main crux of my confusion with monogamy

Anonymous

OP 15h

In this context, to me loyalty MEANS exclusivity so I disagree on that one but that’s okay

Anonymous

#3 15h

Okay thats totally fair

Anonymous

#9 15h

Some people absolutely get jealous when their best friend hangs out with other people. Ngl it sucks to learn that they are your best friend but you’re not theirs because that also happens

Anonymous

OP 15h

Tbh I think it all goes back to societal norms and most people adhering to them w/o really thinking about it

Anonymous

#9 15h

In a lot of ways, monogamy is a product of patriarchy too so we could go down that whole rabbit hole

Anonymous

#9 14h

And imperialism but idk if ppl are ready for that conversation

-2

Anonymous

#10 10h

at the end of the day, though this is all my personal preference. I’ve never been interested in polygamy and I never will be. And that’s not because of the status quo. That’s not because being an monogamous relationship is normalized, I just can never get behind polygamy