Anonymous #2 1w

I’ve been told all men are bad by numerous women and men are lumped together for one man’s actions always. If I say not all men I’m attacked. What you do doesn’t matter it seems to me it more matters how you are perceived and just being a guy I guess most women from my understanding do not trust you and in fact fear you.

-1

Anonymous #4 1w

That’s what it feels like I’m being told

4

Anonymous #3 1w

Since women started generalizing all men together. Women would rather be with a bear than a man in the woods, they find it weird for guys to just exist often times and normal things are perceived as wierd because of this deep fear of men. You can be a good guy and still be demonized just because you are man. Have you tried saying not all men to a women when they are generalizing men? The whole gender has been demonized. Which makes being a man really fucking difficult to navigate.

0

Anonymous OP 1w

No one is doing this

0

Anonymous #5 1w

Minorities have no uphold to society? Racism exists still

6

Anonymous #6 1w

Where I am they are

1

Anonymous OP 1w

Would you just shut the fuck up jesus christ nobody cares about ur man problems. Go to a therapist

16

Anonymous OP 1w

Uh…women aren’t doing that. And…I have said not all men? But women have every right to be fearful of men after decades of men being the sources of abusive behaviors, sex trafficking, and sexual assault. Just like if a man was assaulted by a woman he’d be fearful of women. It’s a trauma response. No such thing as a bad gender, just bad people

6

Anonymous #3 1w

I don’t even know wtf you are saying. But basically what he’s saying racist people do the same to minorities all day. And they either have the choice of taking it as truth (like him) or not giving af what dumbasses think

7

Anonymous #4 1w

Im asking a actual question? You don’t need to be a asshole about it

4

Anonymous OP 1w

Cause were answering you’re fucking question and your arguing and not listening. Did you want to debate or do you want advice? Dumbass

17

Anonymous #5 1w

What? Racist ppl actively harm monitories all the time. Women being cautious of men for safety reasons is not harming men. They aren’t the same

5

Anonymous #3 1w

Idk what the feminist propaganda is though

5

Anonymous #3 1w

Women are though, at least where I am on the west coast. I completely agree they have every right but women here talk about men as a whole as an evil of society. I have been taken advantage of by women several times but I try not to generalize all women because I know some people will be different in a world of 8 billion.

0

Anonymous OP 1w

I highly doubt that and you’re just victimizing yourself and using women as the scapegoat to ending things. In which. Stop doing that and get help

3

Anonymous #3 1w

You can doubt it sure but my lived experiences are real. I’m not using women as a scapegoat for anything either I’m just asking what one’s supposed to do, what I’m learning is maybe I need to move

2

Anonymous #3 1w

Being cautious and demonizing is very different. Everyone should be cautious with a stranger. Demonizing someone for something they cannot change is different.

0

Anonymous OP 1w

You need some therapy

4

Anonymous OP 1w

No one is demonizing you. If you are that concerned about women’s rightful safety and caution around others you must be the problem. No one is going to act scared of ppl unless you look suspicious or gave a reason. Unless they are Karens they purposefully act scared for no reason but not all of us are Karens

3

Anonymous #3 1w

The guilty always has suspicions of themselves

3

Anonymous #3 1w

You can say that but it doesn’t change reality, idk where you are located but if you live where I am it is the case. Men are demonized as a whole. I’m not a problem, I don’t even interact with women hardly out of respect of their fears lmao, but I’m asking what the fuck the point of living like this is

-1

Anonymous OP 1w

Clearly none. You just want ppl to feed your delusions so just die I guess

6

Anonymous OP 1w

Fuck, it’s weird to approach a girl today as a man doesn’t even matter if it’s platonic

-2

Anonymous strawberry_hair 1w

Like for example I can easily explain why I would choose being alone with a bear in the woods over a man. I am still extremely close to multiple men and consider them some of my closest friends. That doesn’t take away my experiences. If you want an actual discussion we can have one. Otherwise keep rage baiting.

7

Anonymous OP 1w

You clearly haven’t talked to women you just generalize interactions. Of course you’re prob the problem bc normal men wouldn’t have that issue

5

Anonymous #3 1w

How are my experiences delusions?

-1

Anonymous strawberry_hair 1w

People are invalidating my experiences though saying I’m delusional

-1

Anonymous OP 1w

Bc you just said you don’t talk to women out of respect of fears. So you have no actual experience

3

Anonymous #3 1w

I avoid meeting new ones yah because I don’t want to come off as weird I know some women through still through friends and I hear them talk and then also the internet exists

0

Anonymous #3 1w

At one point though I did try talking to new women

0

Anonymous OP 1w

I can tell you have no genuine connections

6

Anonymous #3 1w

You must get off to this kind of stuff. Bc there’s no way you refuse to listen and are oblivious to societal fears. Do women die bc a man fears her using him? Of her abusing him? When she knows she’s not like that? If not why would you do it

2

Anonymous strawberry_hair 1w

I’m not trying to rage bait I’m trying to learn what women want, I’m not rage baiting. I understand why women are demonized but if we are then what do we do is my question

-2

Anonymous #3 1w

So the few women I am friends with aren’t genuine is what you are saying?

0

Anonymous OP 1w

Are you purposefully this dense or

6

Anonymous #3 1w

I’m not saying it’s not warranted but if men are to be demonized how do we exist in society

0

Anonymous #3 1w

Fuck you

0

Anonymous OP 1w

You exist how any normal human exists dummy. Bc normal ppl are not this insecure in themselves that they’ll hurt women unless they know they are capable of doing so

7

Anonymous OP 1w

Idc

2

Anonymous #3 1w

I’m trying to have a conversation here and now you are calling me stupid because I wanna learn. I should of known Yik yak only has hate

-4

Anonymous OP 1w

Terrible rage bait

3

Anonymous #3 1w

What? I’m not gonna hurt women. Also a lot of men feel this way but don’t share it navigating the world as man in 2025 is difficult

0

Anonymous OP 1w

Wow so hard for you….

1

Anonymous #3 1w

You ignore the hypocrisy of the modern day

-1

Anonymous OP 1w

Yeah bc it’s so hard for you getting harassed every time you go outside isn’t it

11

Anonymous #3 1w

Oh wait. That’s women

12

Anonymous OP 1w

You are trying to rage bait. Otherwise you would’ve listened. This isn’t “learning what women want” this is you saying all men are demonized as if every single woman is the one doing it. And you aren’t listening to WHY we act the way we do around me.

9

Anonymous OP 1w

okay what you're doing is whining. if you aren't part of the problem then no one is talking about you when they're talking about the many shitty things that men do. if you're too insecure to realize that, I don't know what to tell you. if you feel like people are addressing you when they're specifically talking about people who do bad shit, that isn't their fault.

10

Anonymous #8 1w

with whats reality vs whats the crazy shit ppl say online. Listen to what the ppl in these comments r saying instead of crying in ur own selfmade pity puddle. If you truly are experiencing sooooo many women (IN THE REAL WORLD) who are considering you weird or threatening, then u need to seriously take a step back and reevaluate how you are acting. If ur being normal no sane woman is demonizing you.

3

Anonymous #9 1w

not to compare men to non-human animals (how complex humans are compared to non-human animals is not relevant to this point), there are animals that i am afraid of (ei. dogs, sharks, etc.) not because they’re all individually prone to attacking people but because i have no way of knowing which ones will and which ones will not

1

Anonymous OP 1w

It IS what you’re being told. Look at them downvoting you, attacking you like rabid animals just for saying the truth. They hate men. And that’s why you should never even give a drop of respect to these women. They hate you. They want to kill you. They’d cheer to see you die. Stop trying to respect these women when they’ll never respect you.

-2

Anonymous #9 1w

But do you assume automatically that every dog you come across is evil and out to get you by default? That demonization is what men are facing, I’m not saying there is no reason behind it, but if just being a man is a red flag what does a man do?

0

Anonymous paulrevered 1w

I understand that. But I’ve had bad experiences with women and I’m not hateful of the gender as a whole. And if I was then I’d be called a Incel. But when women do it it’s just how it is. You say to find women that don’t treat men like punching bags but is that not all women for the most part? (Perhaps where I live is a bubble but it seems that way). How do you find women who don’t see men as inherently evil?

-1

Anonymous #2 1w

What? When women say all men and you try to clarify that’s not true you get told you are part of the problem for saying not all men… you don’t need to be a part of the problem to be lumped into evil with all men, because you are man though. I’ve been told just by being a man you are part of the problem.

4

Anonymous OP 1w

It definitely seems like a bubble, especially in this comment section. All of the women I know (including myself) are not manhaters, so I don’t know exactly how to help, but since you’ve said you are a good person, I’d say to continue being yourself and girls who aren’t manhaters will find you. Ignore the vitriol and hateful comments telling you men are all violent rapists and you’ll eventually be one yourself.

1

Anonymous OP 1w

as stated in my previous comment, no i do not. i am saying that my demeanor might be different or my guard might be up because i have no way of predicting who is who. same way that you’re slightly more on guard around a stranger compared to someone that you are familiar with.

12

Anonymous OP 1w

reading your replies it seems like we are talking about different things. i don’t think you are rage baiting but i ask you to consider the possibility that others might be? i also am curious what specifically you are talking about? is this online strangers saying “i hate men”? is this women you don’t know acting uncomfortable when you approach them? what is considered demonizing vs caution?

6

Anonymous #9 1w

It feels like that is the case in these comments tbh, and honestly I feel like this is part of the reason men don’t open up. I tried asking an actual question and you are like the only person taking me seriously! Which thank you for that!

5

Anonymous #9 1w

What I’m talking about is the rhetoric that generalizes all men together that has been basically made law in leftist spaces. I have given up trying to defend the idea that individualism matters more than gender because I just get attacked for it. For example if a women says all men are predators, that’s just taken as fact. If I dare challenge that there are many men who aren’t you are assumed to be one of those men just for challenging the notion. If a guy says “all women want is money”…

1

Anonymous OP 1w

That is then shut down universally. If a women says all men want is sex though for example, that’s just taken as fact. So as a man navigating the world it becomes difficult. I find I hear women dislike men just sharing the same spaces at them (even if it’s a public area). As a man it’s nearly impossible to make friends with a women because most women automatically assume you have ill intent. If a women says men are cheaters. It’s just taken as fact. If a man argues not all men. He’s accused…

1

Anonymous OP 1w

Of being a cheater for calling out a generalization. I have come to terms though that the generalizations are justified and I understand where they come from. But as a man trying to exist alongside women with all these things just placed on me as fact by people I don’t even know, it makes life really confusing and difficult to know what to do. It feels like just existing as a man I am “the enemy” to women, at least in the way men are talked about and treated. (Shit you try doing a nice thing…

2

Anonymous OP 1w

And it’s assumed you are not doing it out of good faith. I am afraid to help a women in distress (so are many men) because just putting your hand on someone’s back and saying are you ok can be inflated as assault because the worst is the automatic assumption. Hell haven’t you seen the video of the guy who tried to give a women her wallet that she dropped? The women ran from him rather than hearing what he had to say because the worst is assumed. If I can’t walk down the street without being…

4

Anonymous OP 1w

Assumed bad then how do I make relationships, or even exists in society is my big question. Because currently it seems you must avoid women entirely because just disagreeing with this rhetoric will have you labeled right wing (even if you are a left wing).

3

Anonymous OP 1w

no one is saying "all men." they're saying "men" and you hear "all men" because you have one of the craziest victim complexes I've ever seen. alternatively, maybe you feel guilty for shit you actually do. no need to feel guilty or ashamed if you don't participate in the bad behaviors that are being described.

2

Anonymous OP 1w

if your behavior on this thread is any indication, I don't think it's being a man that's causing problems for you

3

Anonymous OP 1w

judging based on individualism isn’t an option when it comes to people you don’t know. like yeah don’t judge a book by its cover but sometimes the cover is all you have and (for lack of better words) the book can physically attack you. not to mention the fact that majority of rape victims are assaulted by someone they already know, proving how difficult it is to determine who has ill intent vs not

5

Anonymous OP 1w

what are your thoughts on “acab”? do you think it means/the people saying it believe that every single police officer is a morally corrupt/ill intended person?

1

Anonymous #9 1w

They literally are in fact saying that

5

Anonymous OP 1w

do you think it’s dislike as in “i don’t think they should be allowed in public spaces” or “i am uncomfortable/on edge because i don’t know the intentions of every individual here”? i feel like a broken record because idk how to answer any differently but this really boils down to at what point to you believe that not risking ones safety should take priority over opening yourself up to the possibility of having a pleasant interaction or making a new friend? what ratio/stat would change that?

1

Anonymous OP 1w

as a white person i understand that poc’s are going to be more on edge around me. i believe that just because i personally am not a violent raging racist does not mean that i should be rewarded or that they owe me automatic trust without knowing that. their weariness of me is not a punishment or really that inconvenient to me at all and has nothing to do with me personally. do you think this is a correct/reasonable reaction?

1

Anonymous OP 1w

not to sound chronically online but “who set that system up”? i urge you to consider what a person has to have endured to choose to abandon their money and sources of identification out of fear 😭 i understand your point in that it isn’t at all enjoyable to be assumed to be a bad person, but women don’t like to live in fear either and with all due respect i think a solution other than “just take the risk” is necessary in this situation

6

Anonymous #2 1w

Can you elaborate?

5

Anonymous #9 1w

It’s the same vice versa though. But only men face the stigma.

4

Anonymous #9 1w

I think it’s fair because people can control being a cop or not. I see it more as a systemic issue and there is a potential for individual police to be good people but the system itself and the laws they enforce and don’t enforce on each other makes acab valid in the sense that they are part of a greater police system. Men can’t simply quit being a man though.

6

Anonymous OP 1w

overall i mean to say that this issue is bigger than you and exists outside of who you are as a person entirely, womens uncomfortability isn’t a personal punishment and a negative reaction from a woman who you are just trying to help/befriend isn’t out of spite or a malicious attempt to guilt you or make you feel bad about yourself.

1

Anonymous #9 1w

I think it’s both. Like I have said it is valid for people to fear strangers, I do too. But judging them based on appearance of being men and hating men as a gender makes men’s lives hard to navigate. I’m not talking about any ratio I’m talking about simply women assuming the worst of men for being men

3

Anonymous #9 1w

I think you are misconstrued. I have said that being wary is understandable. Staring stuff like all white men are colonizers or that White guys are all part of the hegemonic conspiracy to deprive the underclass of fundamental rights through their exercise of white privilege is different. Nobody is asking for trust but merely respect and not to be villainized for things that can’t be changed.

6

Anonymous OP 1w

i ask you to consider why someone would choose to fear/tend to avoid almost half the population if it was not out of necessity? or why you are owed conversation from strangers? or how what you are experiencing negates this necessity? i am trying to say that this does nothing to solve the issue/reason this is happening and that that is why people are replying out of frustration

1

Anonymous OP 1w

wait on which one i can’t tell

1

Anonymous #9 1w

I get that. But none the less I am a man in the world who has to try to navigate this. It seems like what women want though is men to just be absent from society. Hell look at the women telling me to kill myself in these comments

5

Anonymous #9 1w

Take the risk one, I’m not suggesting anything like that I’m asking what women want men to do

3

Anonymous #9 1w

I have said I understand why, lived experience is why. How are men supposed to exist though and make women comfortable? Because the rhetoric points that men shouldn’t exist in society for women to feel comfortable and that men are doomed to be villainized. Nobody owes conversation but assuming bad things of someone out of things they can’t control is what I am pointing at.

2

Anonymous #9 1w

Also I just want to point out that your wording re affirms my point. You say women avoid half the population (aka all men) so if all men are lumped like this, what do you do as a man? Where is our place? How do we participate in society without being a villain. Because it seems the options are to embrace villainy like many on the right, or remove yourself from society as many men on the left have done. I feel like a lot of women don’t understand how it feels to try to be a man in the present day

7

Anonymous OP 1w

ok so for one i apologize i realize my wifi was spotty and i was not seeing any replies as i was commenting and it probably looks like i was purposefully disregarding those replies. that was not my intention

5

Anonymous OP 1w

ok that’s fair i see that. i meant it more in the sense that it usually isn’t used to mean that each individual cop is a bad evil malicious person in their personal life outside of their profession but i get your point

1

Anonymous OP 1w

wait sorry again which one is this replying to?

1

Anonymous #9 1w

(the vice versa one)

1

Anonymous #9 1w

Ohh that makes more sense! Thank you for sharing that! I really appreciate that communication!

1

Anonymous #9 1w

The one where you mention “chronically online”

0

Anonymous OP 1w

OP I’d advise you to pick a different metaphor here. Black people have higher arrest stats largely because of discriminatory policing and generational poverty created by Jim Crowe era laws that still harm those communities to this day. I’m actually with you on many of the points you made here but this just wasn’t one that’s valid in my opinion.

13

Anonymous OP 1w

i’m assuming this was meant to be a reply to my comment (correct me if i’m wrong) but that is completely different and i’m guessing you as someone who identifies as being on the left knows that. black men have a higher rate of being arrested (from what i know, for the most part) 1. because racism as an institution has caused them to live in poverty at a higher rate and people living in poverty are arrested at a higher rate than average and commit crimes out of necessity

8

Anonymous OP 1w

and 2. because police have roots tracing back to being “slave patrol” and after slavery was abolished, “punishment for a crime” was the legal way to get forced labor out of a person without pay

3

Anonymous #2 1w

Some people do say “all men”, I see it all the time on twitter tbh. But those people are best off being ignored like any other sexist, you’ll probably never meet them and it’s not like that opinion is going to affect you in any way

18

Anonymous #9 1w

I’m actually not aware of your comment, I was replying to OP. Although I agree with your points!

1

Anonymous #12 1w

My point was that black people are over represented in prisons because of a system that has always worked against them, not because they have different morals or something absurd like that. Men, specifically white men, have always been at the top of those systems. Seems like a dishonest comparison to make.

5

Anonymous OP 1w

in order to avoid repetitive responses to every comment, without speaking for all women i’d say that women just want men to not act villainous. i think the issue here is how you vs I think women should be interacting with men before knowing if they are “villainous”. continue to be a good person but you can’t expect to be “rewarded” for that by people who don’t know that about you yk.

14

Anonymous OP 1w

the best comparison i can come up with (not perfect ik) is a child vs an adult. children shouldn’t be kicking at or screaming at strangers minding their own business but they are taught “stranger danger” and how to not trust adults that are not their parents, they are also not taught to be polite to random adults that approach them while alone, and it would be a reasonable reaction if the wallet scenario was between a random adult and child + a small toy or something

4

Anonymous OP 1w

i can accept that children will assume that i am a threat for their own safety, and that their parents will teach them that i am dangerous, without changing my sense of self or feeling vilified. does it make me a little sad that if i attempted to help a child alone in distress they would assume danger? yes but that doesn’t mean i’m doing anything wrong currently and there’s no amount of good i can do that could or should change that instinctual reaction

5

Anonymous OP 1w

Why are you bringing us up??

1

Anonymous #3 1w

Such an insensitive comparison

1

Anonymous OP 1w

Because not all men is interpreted (usually correctly) as a way of absolving ones self of responsibility and ignoring the fact that it might not be ‘all’ men but picking the ‘wrong’ man could mean a horrific experience or death. Men understand this fact when it comes to “don't drop the soap” but pretend they don't when a woman is just simply uncomfortable around men.

6

Anonymous #12 1w

sorry for the miscommunication i believe you were notified because i was replying to a comment that you also replied to but (i don’t know how to say this without it coming off as passive aggressive, that is not at all my intention) if you look at my comment you’ll see i was replying to op. i’ve got a long asf thread going with op and based on the timing + the fact that the sentences line up i believe they meant to reply to a comment of mine. i also agree with your points

5

Anonymous OP 1w

how is it the same vice versa? what specifically (genuinely asking)

3

Anonymous OP 1w

Another favorite analogy: there is a bag of 100 skittles, some are poisoned. It's “not all skittles!” but there is statistical probability that 3 of those skittles out of a 100 will cause you horrible pain and might kill you. Are you rushing to take your favorite flavor? (That's only the skittles for men convicted of partner violence against women btw. About 5% of cases result in conviction and that's WHEN women report. On average women experience violence 7x before reporting their partner.

5

Anonymous OP 1w

what is your definition of respect vs trust vs being villainized? is this about mindset assuming the worst or about actions only? i’m not looking for individual anecdotal evidence of clearly villainizing that i could’ve guessed. i’m looking for the more moderate frequent/everyday hot take examples that you count as villainizing but not everyone might agree

2

Anonymous #15 1w

*being

1

Anonymous #12 1w

That’s fair, sorry I didn’t realize that might be insensitive. I know black propel are disproportionately arrested due to a broken system, I was just trying to point at the stat because it’s used by the right to demonize black people and men commit most crimes statistically but that shouldn’t mean all men are bad.

1

Anonymous #9 1w

I know and I agree it’s because of a broken system, I was merely trying to point out how black people being arrested more as a stat doesn’t make demonizing black people as a whole right and so why does the stat that men get arrested more than women make men as a whole demonized

1

Anonymous #3 1w

I’m simply trying to make you guys understand what I’m trying to say and that stat and how the right treat it was an comparison to how women are treating men

1

Anonymous OP 1w

But women are not treating all men the same? And trying to compare that to arrest stats is really insensitive

1

Anonymous #13 1w

I don’t think you understand, where I am at least, you do meet this people, all the time actually. I actually have a friend who says stuff like this but I can’t talk to them about it because I’m “a problem” for disagreeing that all men are bad. So opinion does affect me.

0

Anonymous #9 1w

I don’t act villainous, and I’m not asking to be rewarded for doing the bare minimum at all. But being hated by default because I’m a guy is what is difficult. Yknow what I mean?

0

Anonymous #9 1w

I understand that and that does make sense actually. But I feel like adults should be more polite than kids because as a kid you are pounded into you to be polite. No?

0

Anonymous #9 1w

Respect = treat others how you wanna be treated basically. Waiting for people to exit an elevator before you enter. Not judging people for their appearance or make assumptions. Basic things tbh. Being villainized = people assume the worst of you by default, stuff like men are inherently dangerous for women, being masculine is a part of the patriarchy and so men bad. Stuff like that. It’s about mindset but more so actions done because of their mindset.

0

Anonymous OP 1w

as said in my comment, black people (especially black men) being arrested more on average as a stat has less to do with difference in actions under the same circumstances and more to do with being targeted by police and the prison system/being arrested at a higher rate for crimes others get away with/being arrested for a crime you did not or were provoked to commit, and being pushed into poverty/being under circumstances where committing certain crimes is necessary to survive.

1

Anonymous OP 1w

that is not the same as women being raped (i think probably the only completely unjustifiable crime), at an insanely higher rate by men than by women (aside from arrest stats (talking about survey stats from reputable sources)). one is a stat of how frequently a group is “held accountable” by the law for a crime they may/may not have committed and is heavily manipulated by outside factors, the other is a stat of how often a group commits an act that isn’t necessary under any circumstances

1

Anonymous #9 1w

I guess that’s fair, what a better example then?

1

Anonymous OP 1w

my comment came with that assumption since that is what you said. what i mean by “rewarded” is that bc i have no way of knowing, i’m forced to interact with all stranger men the same, evil rapist or kind. the consequence of assuming the first is the latter is worse than the reverse, and so while most men aren’t the first, and i don’t interact as if they 100% are, my reactions’ll come with more of an assumption/bracing myself for the worst to a degree that does not represent the actual likelyhood

1

Anonymous OP 1w

sorry i don’t think i’m understanding you correctly. do you mean adults should be more kind bc they know better/it doesn’t come as naturally to kids?

1

Anonymous OP 1w

i see that (the respect thing) but i also believe that people can be treated slightly differently based on circumstance or power dynamics at hand and that this isn’t disrespectful. also when you say making assumptions do you mean the thoughts are disrespectful? also in regard to assumptions, to you does making assumptions mean someone thinking definitively “this guy will rape/attack me” or does it also mean “this guy is more likely to rape/attack me statistically so i will act more guarded”

1

Anonymous #9 1w

Sort of yah

1

Anonymous OP 1w

it seems like it’s the actions that come with these assumptions that are the issue for you? aside from what counts as an assumption, what actions do you consider disrespectful? is it a certain level of guarded/fearfulness or is it outright accusations of what one might assume your intentions to be without any indication of that?

4

Anonymous #9 1w

I understand that, but I guess what I don’t get is why the default often is antisocial rather than more cordial and professional. Does that make sense?

1

Anonymous OP 1w

which one?

1

Anonymous #9 1w

Yes exactly, it’s the actions. It’s how you can’t even ask a girl her name sometimes and get a straight answer, so yes a level of guardedness that comes off rude I guess as well as yah accusations of intent.

1

Anonymous #9 1w

Which one are you asking which one of? (I feel like Yik yak needs to re design its threads)

0

Anonymous OP 1w

because something as little as eye contact or cordial politeness can be taken as a signal by some (ik not all) men, or if not a signal, at least can draw attention from whoever you’re being polite to and making unwanted advances more (and subsequently the risk of rejection violence) more likely. the idea is to do anything possible to communicate that you do not wanna be approached, without drawing attention. in fact, here’s part of an article from the nih/pubmed on this exact topic.

1

Anonymous OP 1w

FOR REAL!! i was talking about the “sort of yah” comment. i had two ideas and i didn’t know which one you agreed with

1

Anonymous OP 1w

i guess now that i’m thinking about it, a lot of this really boils down to fear of rejection violence overall and the actions women take to avoid being like “propositioned” i guess which requires seeming as uninterested in a man as possible so that there is absolutely no confusion/a man won’t ask if he knows the answer will be no (ofc this is not fool-proof)

1

Anonymous OP 1w

wait was the sort of yah comment talking about the adult/child politeness thing? i it’s a close enough understanding then to that i would say that i’m curious to know how you think that applies to what it was an analogy for? cus i can’t figure it out. i’m assuming my guess for what you meant was not that close at all though

1

Anonymous #9 1w

Yah

1

Anonymous #9 1w

So how do you interact with women? If women can’t be polite out of fear a guy will take that as interest? Also does that mean then when a women is being polite thats a sign they are interested romantically then?!? That sounds like what you are suggesting because it’s the vice versa

1

Anonymous OP 1w

what are you referring to?

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Anonymous OP 1w

it doesn’t. women aren’t a hive mind and not every woman chooses to act that way around men she doesn’t know out of fear of that particular issue. some might just not consider the people around them as a threat, not take it into consideration, or even not want to be confronted (maybe even physically) for being rude since not being friendly can be taken as a rejection on its own. i’m just explaining the stand-offishness of many of them.

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Anonymous OP 1w

also there isn’t like- an order here in that way. if a woman is interested she will act interested. i was saying that regular politeness can be taken as interest by (some) men who are not reading signals correctly/don’t care to do so, not that it’s a universal sign of interest. quite the opposite actually. there aren’t any mind games of “well i didn’t wanna be harassed so i was acting cold and now that i see someone i’m interested in i can’t act anywhere above polite bc that’s the next step/

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Anonymous OP 1w

/level up from acting cold and i can’t skip a level!!” just continue to be polite to women keeping in mind how seemingly harmless (to you) things might come off to someone on high alert, and without an expectation of them doing the same i guess. i’m hoping you now at least somewhat understand why a woman would choose to do that.

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Anonymous OP 1w

ok so i’m guessing the “yah” is a response to the other child/adult politeness thing. could you explain what you mean?

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Anonymous OP 1w

i think the (reoccurring) issue here seems to be (correct me if i’m wrong) that you want to figure out how to change how women perceive you/how you can talk to them to accomplish that? if you’re truly a kind and polite person you’re literally fine there isn’t any mystery code word women are looking for from you. there is no amount of good you can do overall to change strangers first impressions of you or to change womens entire impression/assumptions of men. it’s a group effort.

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Anonymous OP 1w

People don’t respond that way to “not all men” because they actually think all men are bad. If you went on a post about priests being pedophiles and half the comments were priests saying “not all priests”, you’d be kinda annoyed at their lack of accountability. As priests they have power to address the issue at hand, by holding other priests accountable. Instead they are focused on avoiding blame, which is a bit selfish.

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Anonymous OP 1w

With all due respect OP, 3 answered your question. You asked why it seems like many women are scared of you. 3 said that most women can tell the difference between good men and creeps, and that you may be a creep in denial. Humans evolved intuition to help us avoid danger. If you approach someone with bad intentions, their intuition will often pick that up. Some ppl accidentally trip intuition, but intuition is usually right.

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Anonymous OP 1w

What you described sounds like a California problem. I never lived there, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were pockets of people there who are extremely liberal to the point of MAGA level devotion. Visit some other places, make better friends, and prioritize the well-being and autonomy of other humans. Don’t expect everyone to trust you instantly. Trust must always be earned.

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Anonymous OP 1w

If you go to 3 other places and still get treated like a creep though, you need to evaluate which behaviors make you seem that way. Because the vast majority of women can tell the difference.

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Anonymous #18 1w

no one here can say for sure what kind of man you are, and by making these inane accusations they’re feeding your point ignorantly. i’ll say this to actually be helpful and answer you: there are a lot of misandrists/men blamers in this generation, and i HAVE heard many women say “all men xyz” and so on. that being said there are many many men who have done horrific things to lose the trust of women. be able to discern who they are referring to and don’t identify yourself with THOSE men

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Anonymous #18 1w

don’t be ignorant and call yourself a victim to women’s distrust (because it’s for our safety), and also you don’t deserve to be called “whiny” or told your concerns aren’t relevant^

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Anonymous #17 1w

You are saying despite not doing anything creepy, respecting women, and going out of my way to not make women uncomfortable means I’m a creep in denial? That’s absurd. You act like these are solely my experiences and other men don’t also experience this, but many men do. Clearly women can’t tell with their intuition a creep from a a good guy because if they could they wouldn’t be going out with abusive guys while rejecting normal ones lol.

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Anonymous #17 1w

I think it might be a California problem. I honestly would like to try living in a different state for a bit maybe. Also I’m not saying I should be trusted instantly, I’m simply saying that the assumption of distrust and malice by default is what is frustrating to deal with. You have to almost “prove yourself” just to exist amongst women without a preconceived bias of you are man so you have bad intent.

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Anonymous #18 6d

Thank you for your response, it’s relieving to see a real response and not rage bait. Truly is ironic how some are validating my point. I understand there’s men who have ruined trust in women. But I guess my primary question is how does a guy interact with the world if he’s assumed to be one of those guys by default. Like every social situation a guy goes into the worst is assumed and the guy either must attempt to prove himself (which is exhausting to do constantly) or just not interact.

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Anonymous #18 6d

I am not trying to call myself a victim, but simply wondering how to navigate with distrust as the default when someone looks at you. I understand the justification behind the distrust as a default for men but facing that as a man is difficult to navigate because you are starting out at negative trust by default where women start at 0 for example if that makes sense? I’m not trying to invalidate why women behave this way but I’m seeking guidance on how to interact with women or society…

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Anonymous #18 6d

…With these preconceived notions of what my intentions are. I feel like I can’t ask a women for directions even because it will be assumed as ill intended. I don’t know how I can word this better? Do you get what I’m asking kind of?

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Anonymous OP 6d

I can tell you’re genuine no worries, I don’t think you’re playing victim or complaining or any of that nonsense. I think similarly to how it’s not all men, it’s not all women. Just treat women with as much respect and compassion as possible. Be patient & understanding and OF COURSE KEEP YOURSELF SAFE above all else. Don’t let yourself fall victim to foul mouthed women either

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Anonymous OP 6d

I can feel your authenticity through the screen alone, so I’m sure you give that off in person as well. Sometimes we just need to turn off our 24/7 defense system, it’s not fully your responsibility. It might seem exhausting or like a hassle, but if anything see it as good that most women are so exhausting. It will help single your approaches down to a lovely SENSIBLE and respectful woman

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Anonymous OP 6d

If you want like real applicable tips, maybe change tone of voice to be friendlier? Maybe a soft smile or respectful words lol “Excuse me” or “Sorry to bother”. Things to distinguish yourself from the creepy “Yo bitch” type of dudes. I totally agree that the stigma can be frustrating, and I’m also glad you can appreciate why women are so cautious. There’s a happy medium when you just get to be yourself and not have to stress these things

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Anonymous #18 6d

Thank you I really appreciate that! I wish others could see my authenticity too instead of just calling me a rage baiter for asking for help. I am kind of confused what you mean though by see it as good that so many women are exhausting trying to prove yourself as different? Because The energy it takes it leads to just not interacting with women as much. Like just to dial down the defensive mode you mention it takes significant time and if you don’t have a mutual friend to vouch for you it’s-

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Anonymous OP 6d

There’s this guy, Vladimir the big Russian man. He disguises himself as a woman and goes outside to see how people will behave. He said it started when his girlfriend mentioned several creepy experiences with men, and Vladimir thought she was exaggerating. So he decided to test it. Look him up and see for yourself.

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Anonymous #18 6d

-it’s sometimes impossible to get the defense to lower enough just to hear you. Like a good analogy is there’s a wall infront of me when I try to talk to women and just getting them to open a window on that wall takes mountains of effort to prove yourself. Rather than the wall being built at signs of being creepy or malicious, the wall is just the default setting.

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Anonymous #17 6d

Ok I’ll google him

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Anonymous #17 6d

Sounds like the opposite of Norah Vincent’s self made man kind of

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Anonymous #17 6d

It looks like there’s a ton of videos he has made? Do you recommend any in particular?

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Anonymous OP 6d

I didn’t say you were a creep in denial, just that it’s a possibility and that this was 3’s conclusion. Bad people often lie about their experiences online to gain support and feel better about themselves. This is always a possibility with anyone claiming innocence online. If I compare my limited knowledge of you with the avoidant behavior of multiple women who met you personally, you being a creep is not unlikely.

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Anonymous #17 6d

I simply asked a question lmao! It sounds like that’s what you are accusing me of. All women are avoidant, doesn’t really matter the man (excluding if they are into them). I am far from the only guy who was experienced this. I’m not gonna converse with you if you are just trying to gaslight me

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Anonymous OP 6d

Ok, time for numbers. 1. How many women have you had negative experiences with? Positive ones? 2. Are you neurodivergent? Do you ever have trouble understanding what’s going on in social situations? 3. Do you ever over-explain simple things, escalate arguments that could be settled with a simple fact check, speak highly of Andrew Tate, mock strangers, express “traditional values”, lose your temper, get very upset about rejection, attempt sex with drunk ppl, repeatedly ask for sex, or catcall?

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Anonymous OP 6d

Playlists - pretend to be a girl irl. That’s where all the relevant videos are. I’ll try to find the one where he talks about his experience, but any of those videos will work. It’s all data. You can see how he tells the difference between creeps and friends.

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Anonymous OP 6d

I have some personal experience with intuition. - Had a gut feeling I should bring my pet chickens inside the house. Fox attacked them later that night. - Had a gut feeling something was missing with some lady I met. Got to know her better and added up evidence of her narcissism. My gut feeling failed to show up for the selfish drug dealer, but I have yet to note an example of a false positive. Hence, my intuition likely errs on the side of caution, although there may be some memory bias.

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Anonymous #17 6d

Ok I’ll look

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Anonymous OP 6d

Gaslighting is when someone tried to convince you that your own experiences are invalid and that you cannot trust your brain. I am simply considering the possibility that you could be insincere and evaluating the evidence. If “not gaslighting” is the same as “blindly agreeing” to you, then you are either on high defense (I been there and I get it) or you are doing exactly what I suspected you of doing and are mad about having to provide evidence.

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Anonymous #17 6d

I’ve told you I’m not a creep and yet you are trying to convince me I am? I’m pretty sure that’s gaslighting. I’m not saying you need to agree with me but making accusations is fucking absurd. I really don’t think a creep would bother asking women what they think lmao. You are validating my point right now by assuming the worst when you don’t even know me.

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Anonymous #17 6d

Don’t even bother reasoning with OP. They have yet to try to listen to understand and have a conversation they go straight to victim mentality

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Anonymous OP 6d

Yep. Women walk through the world with full certainty that someone they might be hurt or killed by someone they spend time with and even love, because it happens to other women and if a woman dies their partner is often the culprit. No it's not “all men” but men created this problem so rather than telling women to just stop hurting your feelings, hold the men around you accountable and act like the safe person you want them to see you as. Then get some therapy.

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Anonymous #14 6d

*you want women to see you as.

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Anonymous OP 6d

does any of this seem accurate i’m genuinely invested in coming to a conclusion now honestly

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Anonymous #9 6d

Yah basically. I’m tired of being seen as a villain by default when all I try to do is spread love. It actually kind of hurts tbh. If there’s nothing I can do then well what do I do? How do I go about life. It feels like if this is just how it is then men and women just won’t interact. I feel apprehensive of talking to women because of this. And I feel women are apprehensive to talk to men. So are we just doomed to not interact (except some exceptions ofc)?

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Anonymous OP 6d

we are not doomed to not interact😭 i have a multitude of male friends and they have other friends who r also women, i have other girl friends who have even more guy friends. Theres nothing “doomed” here

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Anonymous OP 6d

like i said if you’re a regular kind and respectful person you’ve got nothing to worry about. go about life doing the best you can to be a good person (and there isn’t any cryptic secret definition of that that you don’t know about) and understand that not everyone will be aware of the effort that you’re putting into that and that’s ok.

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Anonymous OP 6d

if you’re really looking for super specifics, context is important. approaching a woman at night at a bus stop will elicit a different reaction than one next to you in class or smthn. pay attention to their body language and if they seem open to conversation, basic social cue person stuff.

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Anonymous OP 6d

my roommate just gave me a crazy metaphor suggestion so bear with me, “imagine knowing there’s a murderer out to get you that could shape shift into anyone. avoid acting in a way that would make you personally suspicious that the person near you/talking to you might be the murderer.”

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Anonymous OP 6d

not to bring up the child metaphor again but i for example think children are adorable. i’ve only ever had jobs working with them, i’ve been doing it for a long time, and i’m good at it. ik i can’t approach them without an adult around, and that they would find that scary. technically i would be considered “doomed” not interact with most children i see out and about.

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Anonymous OP 6d

but i don’t need all of them to want to interact with me to be ok with myself. there are places i can go where ik kids will be more receptive to help from me and where i can practice my skills at working with and talking to them (aka work. in your case it could be places like a dating app (friend mode or otherwise), party, clubs or hobby-based groups, through mutual friends, etc.)

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Anonymous #9 6d

I’m not sure I get the metaphor tbh sorry, perhaps re word it?

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Anonymous OP 6d

the one my roommate came up with or the child one? mb this is lowk getting confusing i realized i’ve also been talking to you on the post of yours about paying on a first date under anon again (#3) and it’s getting harder to keep track of what comment is related to what thread seeing as the way we both talk is the same throughout + both convos kinda at their core are related to the patriarchy

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Anonymous #9 6d

Yah your roommates. And yes this thread is a mess lmao

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