Anonymous #1 1w

When we had an honest conversation, we began to realize she was experiencing insecurity and anxiety that was driving these emotions, as opposed to a genuine lack on my end. And just to clarify that’s not something I told her but rather something she concluded herself. Obviously circumstances are different, but do you think there is a genuine lack on his side, or do you think there’s a level of appreciation on your part that is missing?

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Anonymous #1 1w

And I don’t say that to accuse you or imply anything of you, I just like to look at both sides cuz I think only seeing our perspective sometimes isn’t healthy. And maybe the conclusion is your original statement: then great now you are even more certain that something needs to change. I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way because I don’t want it to so please don’t hear that I’m assuming something of you. I just always appreciate seeing multiple sides ultimately because I want to know…

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Anonymous #1 1w

What is true ultimately

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Anonymous #1 1w

I feel like he doesn’t text or call me anymore. Sometime it takes 12 + hours even when he’s just at home and he doesn’t ask to call anymore. Even during our last convo about me feeling disconnected he blamed everything on me. He got way too caught up in defending himself. Even though I brought it up saying I wanted to work on things together. Find date night FaceTimes or find a way to bond more

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Anonymous OP 1w

I do like the way you put that though, because at first that’s how I thought about it. That’s why I brought it up in a way that didn’t blame anymore. Just saying I wanted to find something we could do to strengthen emotional connection

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Anonymous OP 1w

Ok so it sounds like there is something on his end from what I am hearing. Do you know why that is? Is his business because he is such an active man who is pursuing and building many things and dedicated to creating something? (For example, he is an entrepreneur and in the process of building a business which requires tons of attention, or his work hours are absolutely crazy, or he has an academically insane major). Is this lack of time and communication something that makes sense, or is he..

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Anonymous #1 1w

More so fairly free days, kinda chillin a lot, and there doesn’t seem to be a valid reason behind the lack of attention your feeling?

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Anonymous #1 1w

He’s military but has more free days than I do. I always accepted when he was busy. When he went through BMT I stayed by his side and even through tech school. I still felt connected. Then when he got stationed we kept it together. But now I’m lacking that connection, I think it’s because even when he has free time he doesn’t reach out. He has the time, but doesn’t exactly prioritize me. He stopped months ago, I kept going, but after our recent argument I stopped too. And now we barely talk

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Anonymous OP 1w

Heck ya and hey good on you for approaching that conversation in that way. Like seriously that’s not always easy to do that. And something I’d like to encourage you with is that you also deserve someone who will reflect back to you and show you that same level of care that you showed him in that conversation. Do you think that intentionality and understanding and vulnerability is something reciprocated, or do you think that’s something you only show him and he doesn’t show that much to you?

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Anonymous #1 1w

I honestly don’t know. He used to say I would never talk to him, so I started getting better at opening up and leaning into that vulnerability. But he really doesn’t do it much. When I bring up issues that I want to work on or get passed, he’s just defensive. Also I have brought up personal stuff with him and he has cracked joke or made off the wall comments.

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Anonymous OP 1w

Well it sounds like to me he didn’t respond super well to your conversation you had with him, and it also sounds to me like you brought it in a way more so or “I’d like to work this out because I want us but that doesn’t necessarily mean either one of us are wrong” as opposed to “you are loving me so bad and you are to blame here” would you agree? I think the first way is easier to hear and work with for sure, and my impression is that’s what you did

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Anonymous #1 1w

Yeah I definitely did the first. I don’t want to blame him, because he has done a lot for me in the past. And he really is a great guy, I do love him. But I think the no effort is slowly killing us

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Anonymous OP 1w

To me at the very least it sounds like he isn’t showing the same sensitivity that you show him to harder emotions or concerns or conversations. Would you say that is accurate?

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Anonymous #1 1w

Yeah I would agree with that

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Anonymous OP 1w

If your best friend whom you love dearly and truly are after her ultimate best in mind, what would you advise her to do in the same situation?

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Anonymous OP 1w

Well no matter what the results are and what happens I just want you to know that you’re just as deserving of having someone express that same level of sensitivity that you express and share to him! You are just as human and just as loved and just as valued and just as important. So you deserve that as well!!

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Anonymous #1 1w

Try to talk to him and be open and honest with him. But also realize your worth. You cannot force someone to put effort in when they don’t want to. I would also say sometime it takes time to work through things. You just need to seem some effort go into it. Make sure it’s not one sided

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Anonymous OP 1w

I agree, I would recommend doing the same. And in a loving way I’m letting you know this, but I’d be cautious of how long you are showing your boyfriend grace. Obviously have another conversation, but keep in mind how he responds and if you feel there is reciprocation on attempts to make things right. If that isn’t reciprocated, note that and after a little bit of time if that keeps happening it might be time to move on honestly assuming your boyfriend isn’t even able to explain anything

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Anonymous #1 1w

If there initially wasn’t effort but after a couple weeks or something he starts turning a corner obviously like great that’s awesome and observe how long that lasts and stuff, but if it’s just a dead end, that alone speaks for itself sadly

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Anonymous #1 6d

This convo had been going on for a month and it’s just gotten worse. I ask him to explain his feelings/perspective, and he accuses that I’m looking for specific answers. I’m just trying to understand. But you are right, I needed to hear this. I appreciate you, thank you

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Anonymous OP 6d

Of course! Sometimes we just need outside perspective! Sometimes it’s easy to just get used to what is and forget to not only look at it through the lens of “how can we make this better” but also I think what is more important is to ask “is this healthy?” And then make actions according to that! If you need anymore help or tips let me know! Happy to help!!

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