Anonymous #2 1d

Then you’re too good to be true

-3

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Well I am true so I don’t know what to tell you

6

Anonymous #1 1d

exactly my thought too

5

Anonymous #3 1d

Like what?

-1

Anonymous #2 1d

How can you have attraction without a visual aspect?

-2

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

For starters, I'd say being able to communicate effectively. Kindness, compassion, Passions, Hygiene & grooming, artisticness, musicality, media literacy, literacy in general, cultural awareness, the list goes on and on and on.

19

Anonymous #1 1d

So hypothetically, you could be friends with a guy and if he has all of those traits, you’d want to date him?

-3

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Because personality is way more important to me not what they look like. If I love someone I love them. I don’t know what my type is until I know a person I like

6

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

No, there's a spectrum to those traits. Those traits should be present in every individual to some degree. That being said, I think the fact your list was face muscles and height, showcases more about you than you think. I don't mean to be offensive, please don't take this as such, but attraction and sexuality is much more complicated than I think you believe it to be

17

Anonymous #2 1d

What separates the love for a friend and for a romantic partner?

-1

Anonymous #1 1d

There's Nuance, chemistry, compatibility- Your list was hollow, and I think that says a lot about you, and your purpose for asking this question

16

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

A lot of different things. It’s hard to write them all down. For one attraction. I can be attracted to your personality on a friend level or a romantic level. Are we compatible? I’m not dating someone who doesn’t clean up after themselves but it’s less of a big deal in a friendship

6

Anonymous #1 1d

Maybe for women. I don’t hear don’t talk abt all that stuff. That’s more than we ever think about. Speaking personally, it comes down to whether I think u look good and we get along with you. And probably also intellectual curiosity. That’s very important to me actually

-3

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

*don’t hear men

-2

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

That’s what I’m struggling with regarding the girl I’m talking to now. I don’t feel like the intellectual curiosity is there.

-2

Anonymous #2 1d

I don’t mean to be offensive, but that doesn’t tell me a lot. Is how you flow in conversations? Is it genuinely similar habits? I’m a little confused

-1

Anonymous #1 1d

Obv it’s more complicated for women, which is why I don’t understand it

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

It's not. We're just a lot less hollow than I think you assumed. We're not visual, like men are- it's about a connection and a vibe, much less a checklist. That's why you can't understand, you're expecting a broad generic checklist and that unfortunately just doesn't exist

15

Anonymous #1 1d

Idk how to work with that. It’s too abstract. At least with all of the stuff I mentioned, it’s concrete

-2

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

That's your problem

13

Anonymous #1 1d

What makes a good connection and vibe!

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

*?

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

It’s hard to describe. But if I know we are not compatible romantically I can immediately shut that down. Like I could never date someone who doesn’t save their money or uses retail therapy if our money is split. But my friends? That’s perfectly fine as it isn’t my money

6

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Okay, the biggest issue here is your communication style- you're beating around the bush. What are you actually asking and what do you actually want to know. Because everything else I don't feel like you're listening

9

Anonymous #1 1d

I'm not trying to be rude, but bottom line up front

6

Anonymous #2 1d

So lifestyle stuff

0

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Not just that but it’s part of it

1

Anonymous #1 1d

I’m using the Socratic method of questioning. My questions are purposefully open ended as I want to dig deeper into one’s psyche.

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Yeah see, there's your problem- you're not being honest with what you want- your questions are obviously rooted in the pursuit of a specific answer- for the record, if this is also how you approach dating, it doesn't come off well

9

Anonymous #2 1d

What else if you don’t mind me asking? I’m genuinely clueless

0

Anonymous #1 1d

It is genuine tho, it’s the way I learn. The questions are a part of my learning process. With your answers, they allow me to put myself into your headspace. That’s the only way I can understand some of these nuances

-1

Anonymous #1 1d

Ik u think you are being clear, but for someone who thinks like me, the more clear and specific the better

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

But see, you won't be direct with what you want to learn- I asked for a bottom line up front

6

Comment Deleted

0

*not

0

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Bottom. Line. Up. Front. What is it you're trying to learn. Tell me, and I can give you a better answer.

9

Anonymous #1 1d

I want to know what makes a good connection and vibe

-1

Okay, there we go. You need shared interests and hobbies, shared values.

4

Anonymous #1 1d

I asked that before lol. There we go, thank you!

-1

Anonymous #1 1d

So what I’n gathering from you and #2 is that congruency in lifestyles is very important

0

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Yes, far more important than "muscularity"

8

Anonymous #1 1d

The thing is, hoe do you know that you hame similar lifestyles before going on a date? Unless you are friends first.

-1

Anonymous #1 1d

Values aren’t readily apparent like musculature

0

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Usually how you meet people? Like if you meet someone at a concert you know you at least have that band in common, or if you meet them in a photography class, etc

7

Anonymous #1 1d

So you expect to meet people through activities? How much does that actually happen in this day and age? I never hear abt it

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

Quite often, tbh, maybe you should try putting yourself out there, it works far better than dating apps

9

Anonymous #1 1d

Everyone is on apps tho…at least the women who are open to dating. This dating market is cooked

-1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

It's not though, the apps are designed to commodify dating and have a reason to keep you from finding longterm success- the longer you swipe the more money they make. The dating market isn't cooked, in the slightest- it just isn't a market-

1

Anonymous drsquatchphd 1d

wtf is intellectual curiosity

4

Anonymous #4 21h

A love of learning

1