Always ask for consent, let her set the pace, talk to her about triggers and boundaries, keep researching, make it clear you don’t want anything she doesn’t enthusiastically want or expect anything, stand up for women, don’t treat her like she’s broken, and be understanding that she will have bad days and moments when you will not be able to help.

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ask her what she likes and doesn’t like, and make sure she knows that if she doesn’t want to, or if she tells you no that you won’t push further. Also, if she says no and starts to explain why—just say “you don’t have to tell me why” and then try to shift the topic to smthn she likes so she doesn’t feel like you’re disappointed in her

258

Just respect her boundaries and make it know you won’t go further than she wants you personal space wise. The more she trusts and feels comfortable with you the closer she will let you get so just don’t f up that trust

149

Sometimes she won’t want to do the deed don’t think that it’s you, because it’s really not something like that can kill the libido

126

Talk about it only as much as she’s comfortable with, have open conversations. Communication needs to be 💯, ask about boundaries and what consent looks like for her. Also understand that SA can lead to a lower sex drive, the partner (you) might feel like the person (gf) doesn’t want to have sex with you, but it’s a response to trauma. It can take a long time to feel comfortable again and fully open up to someone so take it slow, and communicate. Also research !!

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as a victim of SA myself, i can say we’re all different so i can’t speak on her behalf. but make sure boundaries are clear, for both you and her, and respected. give her the opportunity to speak out on things that she’s uncomfortable with. ALWAYS ask for consent, for anything and be sure it’s a clear yes. sometimes SA can make someone have a huge sex drive, sometimes it’s the opposite and takes it away, so don’t set an expectation to have sex regularly

89

i’m a survivor myself and the best thing my recent ex did for me was let me set the pace. everything was initiated by me, including sex, and he always asked for consent anyways even if i was initiating. he checked in regularly during that and even times where we were having any physical contact. he respected my boundaries and never pushed me to do anything i wasn’t comfortable with, including kissing and hand holding. i felt really safe with him.

89

Be very verbal about your consent, it allows her to have her choice back. Even the smallest things like “is it okay if I kiss you/touch you” makes a difference

49

This discussion is very heart warming to me. I’m really glad this is a conversation being had and I just know that you are gonna make your partner feel so safe and loved.

42

Always ask for consent, respect her boundaries, and most importantly, please have patience with her and understand that there may be days where she needs space or something similar. I’m also a survivor of SA and oftentimes dating can be somewhat difficult due to fear, trust issues trauma relapse, etc.

36

As a survivor it is kind of annoying me seeing everyone say ask for consent. Consent is something that should always be asked for no matter if the person has been sa’d before or not. The biggest advice I can give is give her time. It is going to take a long time for her to feel safe and comfortable so remind her that she is. There will be days she feels like the entire world is against her and she will have trouble even trusting you but be patient and give her space.

36

People can be affected differently by that traumatic of a situation, have a conversation with her to see what she is comfortable with. Just be considerate and make sure to see what she wants.

34

Be good at reading her emotions even if she doesn’t say anything. If she’s acting distant all of a sudden after y’all have an interaction, it was probably something that triggered her. I would say give her space to process and then ask if there was a trigger and be open to hearing what it was and being aware of it so it doesn’t happen again.

34

respect her boundaries and always make sure clear consent is asked for and given. as someone who has been SA before, being with people who are patient is a big thing for me personally and i feel like making her comfortable will help her to gain that trust with you with time

33

“Communication” (it’s from it takes two), but seriously, just like actually talk to your partner and listen, there’s gonna be good times and bad, but if you can listen, talk, and feel like both parties can understand each other, you’re golden.

31

I’m so glad there are guys out there who really care about this! As a survivor of SA this makes my day (:

31

as someone who was a survivor and still struggle with anxiety around sex (still after a healthy 2 year relationship), always reassure your partner that they don’t HAVE to do anything, give them space to choose to stop, and constantly ask for boundaries and consent (without begging or making it seem mandatory)

30

I’m not a girl but I have been through SA personally so hopefully this worth some. Respect her boundaries and communicate about stuff. Not everyone likes to talk about their experiences and it’s different how people react. So keep an open mind and try to see how she handles it.

30

Consistent check-ins even about things that don’t feel like they would be triggers

30

Ask her that question

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She would know best what works for her specifically so just ask.

27

As someone who was saed it’s a long process. I have issues with intimacy now because of it but my boyfriend has done such an amazing job navigating it. It’s just so important that you try your hardest to be understanding, and to just let her go at a pace in which she’s comfortable in! I’m so glad that you’re trying to learn how to navigate this situation, I hope you guys have a great relationship:)

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Ask her and actively listen to her responses. When she says NO (whether verbally or thru body language), stop immediately

27

hey as someone who has been SA thank you for caring enough to ask, to educate yourself, and to want to care for her you’re a good partner and person

27

Some things you say will trigger bad memories just take it slow and let her talk if she wants to but if she doesn’t just say your sorry and you didn’t know if you really didn’t know it’s a long healing process just be there for her

25

Be patient with her, always ask for consent, ask her what she likes and what she doesn’t like, check up during, etc. Just respect her boundaries and make sure she knows that her taking her time/not wanting to do smth is completely valid and won’t upset you

23

communication

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do NOT tell her anything about it. You know nothing and you realistically do not know what she needs especially if you just started dating. You need to be there for her and to comfort her. You cannot act like you know anything

23

Honestly what helped me the most was being treated normally in the bedroom. It helped me to feel normal and undamaged. Also not making a big deal of it if I cried during sex.

22

My biggest advice is learn her. Know her. Know what it means when she goes quiet, or looks away from you. Know which sounds mean she’s enjoying it and which sounds mean she’s overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s hard to articulate the stop, or the slow down. SA survivors didn’t have that plea respected, or felt like they’d be punished if they articulated it. Know how to read the cues of her body and her face. She may not be able to tell you what she needs at first.

22

Take sure to learn and acknowledge boundaries intimacy is very different after surviving sa and some things might be a hard no and that’s ok consent for even the most minor things can be helpful and open communication this is what has helped me as a survivor in my relationship

21

My older sister is a victim, and one of the biggest things you could possibly do is take things slowly and ask her what her boundaries are. By taking things slowly, it can help her heal by seeing that at least ONE person is trying to help her in the long term, regardless of how long it may take. Try to surprise her every now and then with something that she has mentioned that she likes, as it’ll help her relearn that someone is listening to what she is saying.

21

Talking to her about what she feels comfortable doing. She might be comfortable with one thing one day and then another day she isn’t. Setting those clear boundaries is good

19

As a SA survivor myself, I say ask boundaries 100%! Ask if things are okay before doing them :))

19

use a safe word, ask her what she’s comfortable with you doing. i really like when my boyfriend helps me feel like i own my autonomy when we use a vibe, or when he acknowledges my wants and what i like

17