Ask Women on Sidechat | How do you tolerate obliviousness in men? Is it “Oh, I mean he’s getting there which is better than most.” or “He’s trying.” Idk I’m realizing how clueless I was, and a lot of men are to the state of survival women live in day to day.

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Ask Women 17h

How do you tolerate obliviousness in men? Is it “Oh, I mean he’s getting there which is better than most.” or “He’s trying.” Idk I’m realizing how clueless I was, and a lot of men are to the state of survival women live in day to day.

Anonymous 17h

I don’t. If a man acts oblivious when I know I told him something I call him out.

Anonymous 14h

Depends on if it’s forced obliviousness or not. If he’s genuinely jusy clueless and open to learning I’m okay explaining things, it can be hard to notice things when you’re not taught to. It can be so frustrating but usually not because fhe guy is doing something wrong, more of the fact the world is so horrible for women and it’s entirely possible men never experience the horrors.

Anonymous 15h

Applies to everything why would they know. Do your the avg white person understands daily life as a minority?

Anonymous

#1 17h

Valid. It’s my interpretation that this degree of obliviousness can be present in small interactions. For example maybe not understanding why you wouldn’t want to walk alone to a gas station, you point out you don’t feel safe and I’d say 9/10 a guy would be like “why not like anybody is gonna get you” I mean like shit like that over a long period of time has to be incredibly invalidating, idk maybe I’m reading too much into it but I’m j tryna broaden my horizons ig

Anonymous

OP 17h

Then I explain. “Hey I don’t feel comfortable because I was raped”. If they actually don’t understand then I help them learn.

Anonymous

#1 17h

I see I see, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, thank you for your explanation.

Anonymous

OP 17h

Thank you. It was miserable but thankfully my therapist had helped me work through it. A lot of my friends are neurodivergent and I find that it helps in many scenarios to just explain your reasoning. “Why are you doing that” “Because this reason”. So I deal with people in general that same way.

Anonymous

#1 17h

That’s understandable and a smart thinking, nonetheless it sucks that awareness of one’s self and of others is not the norm. I’m happy to hear you were able to visit a therapist and I hope your healing journey remains smooth. 🙏

Anonymous

#2 15h

I wouldn’t say that’s an excuse, it’s not rocket science to have some empathy and understanding. Don’t give the benefit of the doubt what it’s not needed.

Anonymous

OP 15h

2 is blocked for me btw

Anonymous

#1 15h

Interesting, well if you’re curious they said “Applies to everything why would they know. Do your avg white person understands daily life as a minority?”