Anonymous #3 2w

To clarify — it’s difficult to tell him straight up how I feel because 1) I’m worried he’s going to think I’m jealous that he doesn’t give me the same attention as he gives “attractive women” and my reason for this is because I VERY BRIEFLY found him cute when I first met him which he is aware of. And he might think I just feel bad that I’m ugly and because I wont receive that kind of attention from a man.

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Anonymous OP 2w

2) However the bigger issue is that I feel he was raised this way, as in, he largely formed friendships with women if on a base level he found them attractive. Not for the purposes of dating, but because he wanted good looking female friends. So it’s not something that I can just comment on that easily and expect to fix, because he has LIVED this way for years.

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Anonymous #2 2w

Thanks 😭 I think I’m going to go ahead and do it. Cuz also I feel like you’re not supposed to go and tell other friends of yours that the other ones aren’t “pretty” like wtf… is THAT why you are friends with them!? Because they fit some superficial standard of beauty?

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Anonymous OP 2w

That's unfortunately common for men who are friends with women. I only have one guy friend because the rest only wanted me as a friend because they thought i was attractive and wanted to "wait their turn"

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Anonymous #2 2w

Ugh ewwww

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Anonymous #1 2w

I’m with 1. Unless he’s dangerous, best to tell him what he’s doing wrong so he knows to be better in the future.

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Anonymous #2 2w

Ugh I had so many male college friends and had no idea why I suddenly had an easier time making friends with men when I used to have mostly female friends. Yeah I found out why.

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Anonymous OP 2w

Yea sometimes there’s too much inertia, but sometimes there are specific underlying reasons. Like this one guy I know, sometimes says someone’s “acting like a woman” when they do something petty. That seems sexist, but he’s been surrounded by petty women his whole life. Grew up, found some non-petty women to be around, slowly those comments are getting less common.

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Anonymous OP 2w

Also when I say petty women, I mean toxic narcissists. Petty is a huge understatement. I sorta equate his perception of women to women’s perception of men after being catcalled too much. Given the experience behind the misandry/misogyny, I let it slide. But that’s a very specific case, and I think we need people taking multiple approaches (some tolerate, others don’t).

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