Anonymous #1 6d

Alas I got like two matches when I first signed up and then no more since then 💀

1

Anonymous #1 6d

Also I just can’t do the whole nonchalant thing 😭 I am a very genuine person I can’t help it

1

Anonymous OP 6d

When’d you sign up. Tbh if you aren’t white, above average height, and one of these (muscular, great face). You won’t get anything on hinge even if you have great pics

-2

Anonymous OP 6d

You will lose by being genuine that’s how it works nowadays

-3

Anonymous hellraiser 6d

i wouldn’t message again

5

Anonymous #1 6d

Sometime around late September or early October. I am white and 6’1” (but actually not in a frat boy adding three inches way). I don’t think I’m like a showstopper or anything but I’m at least average and think I make up for it by having a somewhat interesting job and hobbies

2

Anonymous hellraiser 6d

No that’s fair, I feel like there’s still a path to recover if that’s the case tho :/

1

Anonymous #2 6d

Well yeah that’s not ideal then… definitely not how I intended to come across :(

1

Anonymous OP 6d

nah you should not send another message.

1

Anonymous hellraiser 6d

Would they not just unmatch if that were the case

1

Anonymous #2 6d

Asking genuinely, what makes it sound like a serial killer? I was trying to be polite and give her space to reject the idea of a date while still leaving room to continue chatting and getting to know each other if it was too soon. I didn’t want to put any unnecessary pressure on it

1

Anonymous OP 6d

I think you could’ve kept it at the first message here

10

Anonymous #1 6d

Are you a woman

2

Anonymous #4 6d

definitely not

11

Anonymous OP 6d

If you’ve only gotten two matches as a white 5’9 guy. You have to have some inherent flaw with profile. Poor pics, overweight, ect. I’d wonder if you get the same results in a bigger city assuming your in a low pop area

1

Anonymous #4 6d

I’m a guy but like… the type of guy people usually assume is gay and include me in the girl talk and stuff lol

4

Anonymous OP 6d

Nah not you I meant #1 commenting, I know you’re a guy

9

Anonymous #4 6d

Bc it’s ask women

5

Anonymous #4 6d

Oh my bad sorry

1

Anonymous OP 6d

just the tone. like you acknowledged it was moving too quickly and then you were immediately talking about "staging a meet cute" as if it was already inevitable that you'd be telling people about how you met. like slow waaaaaay tf down

8

Anonymous #1 6d

Re #1, I had two women friends look over my profile and be brutally honest with me and they both gave it the all clear with a couple small tweaks. I’m not overweight, no deer or fish pics (not that I hunt or fish anyways), etc. And I’m a photographer so I think I have decent pics

1

Anonymous #2 6d

Fair. I appreciate the feedback. That was sort of a joke because it’s a very common prompt on hinge to come up with the fake story of how we met but yeah in hindsight it’s sort of embarrassing

1

Anonymous OP 6d

fair enough if so, I'm not on hinge, but to me that comes across as "why is this guy already planning that kind of thing?"

1

Anonymous #2 6d

No yeah I can see it not coming across how I intended. And it may have made the date into a bigger deal than I intended as well. I was looking at it more as like hey dating app convos are stilted, let’s just hang out and see how it goes! No pressure for anything to click or it to go any direction or anything, literally just getting to know each other as two humans

1

Anonymous OP 6d

But like I said I was overthinking it and wanted to give her an out to reject the date without rejecting the concept of continuing to chat but yeah I sort of panicked and made it into a bigger deal than I meant it to be I guess

1

Anonymous OP 6d

You’re all good and no I think you sound super sweet and probably just came off a bit too strong. and that can be a little scary and intense for some people. And instead of communicating that some people just figure they’ve only sent one message or communication is also scary when you’re conveying bad news so they’re just gonna leave it. Coming from someone who kinda thinks like this ..

4

Anonymous OP 6d

If she wasn’t interested in your profile and it sucked she wouldn’t have matched

2

Anonymous #4 6d

That’s totally fair too and I completely get it, especially since I know a lot of men don’t handle rejection well. I’m just kicking myself bc I’m not even saying they’re the single most attractive person I’ve ever seen on a dating app but they do seem to have a great personality. Like their profile actually had a lot of effort put into it and they’re pursuing a super interesting PhD. So they seem like a perfect match in a lot of ways, like even if we didn’t date I’d want to be their friend

1

Anonymous OP 6d

But sadly I think any way I backtrack would just make me seem like I’m coming on even more strong and desperate so I think I blew it :( I appreciate everyone’s honest feedback

1

Anonymous OP 6d

Don’t listen to that one guy who said to act nonchalant and not genuine or whatever. I like your first messages and when people go on about things that they are clearly passionate about. I do the same thing myself and send a wall of text a lot.. I think it’s just like you approaching the date thing odd and intensely but I get what you were trying to do

2

Anonymous #4 6d

I’m not built to be nonchalant even if I wanted to so no worries there haha. That’s totally fair, I feel bad that my message didn’t come across how I intended. I wish there was a way to communicate that/apologize without digging my hole even deeper but alas. So sad and upset with myself but just going to hold onto my sliver of hope that the fact that she didn’t unmatch me means maybe she’ll circle back someday and I’ll get another chance

1

Anonymous #5 5d

Yeahhh that’s fair. I’m just not good at playing games. But I recognize it’s at least somewhat necessary, especially early on.

1

Anonymous OP 5d

i mean it’s not really playing games it’s just reading the room. if you’re coming off super strong quickly, it makes it seem like you don’t have any other options and you’re way too invested/into them. that’s not appealing & makes them wonder why you don’t have other people interested in you

4

Anonymous #5 5d

I get what you’re saying and I’m not even saying you’re wrong but it is playing games if you’re analyzing whether they’re going to wonder why you don’t have other people interested in you because your message was longer than 100 characters. I just don’t care about texting first or double texting or any of the texting rules people make a big deal out of. I’m just very genuine, it goes back to not being nonchalant.

1

Anonymous OP 5d

it’s not something they’re actively doing- it’s just a subconscious thing that happens that i was trying to explain, just reading social cues that some people don’t pick up on and should… it’s biology to compete for a mate and if you’re getting the vibes that nobody else likes or wants them you’re definitely subconsciously wondering why that is and if they saw something you didn’t. second guessing your choice. especially when it comes to men because picking the wrong one could end up dangerous

5

Anonymous OP 5d

like they aren’t counting your characters but they do get a weird vibe and don’t want to talk anymore because something is off type shit

1

Anonymous OP 5d

agreed with 5 that trying to match someone's vibe is not playing games, it's just being a good conversationalist

6

Anonymous #5 5d

No I get what you’re saying! And again I’m not saying you’re wrong. I just think the best approach is being yourself rather than trying to deeply analyze what someone else may or may not be thinking. If it doesn’t click it doesn’t click. Some people would prefer someone who shows effort and interest rather than doing the whole “oh no I have to wait two days to reply or else I seem like I don’t have any friends” schtick.

1

Anonymous #2 5d

To an extent, sure. If you’re doing it with the express thought of psychoanalyzing the other person that is by definition a clear example of playing games. Which again isn’t necessarily even inherently bad or bad advice, it just is what it is

1

Anonymous OP 5d

that's what the advice we're trying to give is about, though. it's not trying to psychoanalyze someone if you're slowing your roll at the start to not be overbearing. that's just knowing your own personality and how to come across well in a text conversation. if you're opposed to that because you think it makes you not genuine, then fine, but it'll lead to a lot more conversations like the one you posted here

3

Anonymous #2 5d

No like I said it probably is good advice! I appreciate it

1

Anonymous OP 5d

so why are you asking for advice on why you aren’t getting matches and people stop replying to you.. then when told why your response is that you’re going to keep doing it even though it’s not working. it’s not “not being yourself” it’s learning how to have a normal convo and reading social cues. you can do that without being fake or having to deep analyze texts… you can still be engaging and show your interested while also just toning it back a bit

6

Anonymous #5 5d

I recognize the invite was too intense and should have been more straightforward. The rest of it I think was basically fine, and did get replied to. Like I said if my general vibe isn’t a match then it’s not a match, no point in forcing it. But it didn’t seem to be an issue prior to the invite, which I acknowledge was embarrassing and needed work

0

Anonymous #5 5d

You also don’t even need to look any farther than other commenters on this post who said they would appreciate the excitement/passion about shared interests. I fully accept the advice about the invite being too intense and appreciate it, I should have dialed it way back with that. That said you have to be the friend you want so I don’t think my other messages were thaaat bad, especially since she did reply to them up until the invite.

1

Anonymous OP 5d

it wasn’t just the invite it was the convo as a whole. her only replies were about her favorite song and asking why you knew she was at a concert.. while you’re sending paragraphs of questions. even if you wouldn’t of asked for the date i don’t think the convo would’ve continued on for much longer it comes off as overwhelming & overbearing as everyone else has also been saying. but you do you man

4

Anonymous #5 5d

Idk man I wouldn’t say answering each reply and then asking a question to keep the convo going in two sentences is sending paragraphs of questions. And again it’s not everyone else, read through the rest of the comments. You’re most closely aligned with #1, who everyone agreed is a man giving bad advice that boils down to don’t put effort in because what women say they want and what they actually want isn’t the same. I’m not sure what you want me to say, I said your advice is probably good.

-1

Anonymous OP 5d

i only see a singular comment saying they would like that and even they also said it came off as strong 😅 every other comment is saying the same thing as i am. i’m fr just trying to help you out as a female

4

Anonymous #5 5d

I appreciate it!

1