Anonymous #1 18h

And the difference between the way you treat them is?

5

Anonymous #2 17h

Never mind, it’s hard to explain

6

Anonymous OP 17h

it's really not tbh

6

Anonymous #2 17h

If I see someone I’m sexually attracted to but have never met, I can only think about them sexually, since I don’t know them as a person. And if they don’t want to talk to me, that stays true. I still don’t know who they are, so sexual attraction is all I have to go on.. so at that point I’m only ever reducing them to sex because I don’t know them.. and in the other circumstance they don’t know me

10

Anonymous OP 17h

then yes, you have reduced that person to sex. what's unclear?

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Anonymous #2 17h

Is that a bad thing?

5

Anonymous OP 16h

I would say it's inherently dehumanizing but if you keep it entirely to yourself, it's not like it's going to harm anyone. probably not a thought process you should lean into, though

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Anonymous #2 15h

Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone that you didn’t know?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

I've had crushes on people but I certainly wouldn't phrase it like you just did

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Anonymous #2 15h

Have you ever thought about someone in the context of sex and you did not know them personally?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

The point is that I would not think about them *only* in the context of sex, which is what *reducing* them to sex means

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Anonymous #2 15h

What other context would you be thinking about somebody that you don’t know in that coincides with thoughts of them as it relates to sex?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

I don't know what you mean. If I saw someone I didn't know and was attracted to them, I would be thinking about what I could say to them or what I could infer about their life from how they're dressed, or wondering where they're going or what they do for work or something. a thousand things other than sex.

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Anonymous #2 15h

Do you have a healthy relationship with sex?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

I guess?

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Anonymous #2 15h

Are you demisexual?

1

Anonymous OP 15h

No

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Anonymous #2 15h

Interesting… I guess we’re just two different people. Because if I’m sexually attracted to someone, I’m only thinking about them in a sexual context. If I’m romantically attracted to someone, I’ll think about them in a romantic context. But if I’m just sexually attracted to someone and I don’t know them at all, everything on my mind about them will be related to sex…. But for you, it’s different ig

1

Anonymous OP 15h

well yeah I assume that's why you asked the question. I think the idea that you would see someone and be instantly romantically attracted to them but not sexually attracted to them, or the inverse, seems very strange. those concepts are unified in my mind. obviously I can't speak for anyone else but I feel like I've generally heard it discussed in similar terms by other people.

1

Anonymous #2 14h

I think if romantic feelings come first, I might be able to unify them. But they’re not always unified. When it’s time for sex with a romantic partner, the romantic part of my attraction isn’t always active in that moment

1

Anonymous OP 14h

if you care about them, their feelings, & their satisfaction beyond how they’re useful to you. if you see it as a mutual thing (e.g. caring if they want the same thing), then I don’t believe you’re reducing them

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Anonymous OP 14h

maybe you’re demiromantic?

1

Anonymous #6 14h

or even just grayromantic. or just not ready for a relationship. there’s a lot of possibilities that aren’t necessarily dehumanizing. if there’s a dissonance in how you feel and how you want to feel (e.g. if you would like to want romance with that person), then I don’t think you’re sexualizing them

4