Ask Women on Sidechat | Is it disrespectful to keep comparing woman to my ex? I can’t help it. I want to get over her and I thought going on some dates would help but feeels like it just makes it worse. Do I just need to get away from dating for a bit?

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Ask Women 16h

Is it disrespectful to keep comparing woman to my ex? I can’t help it. I want to get over her and I thought going on some dates would help but feeels like it just makes it worse. Do I just need to get away from dating for a bit?

Anonymous 16h

Sounds like that would benefit you

Anonymous 16h

Depends on what you’re comparing. If it’s things like your ex’s good communication skills or how well the relationship worked then no as that’s just things you’re looking for now. If it’s their appearance or something superficial that is disrespectful because that’s not something they can change

Anonymous 8h

To get over someone you have to forget why you like them for a bit. You have to find and focus on anything that you disliked, any annoyance, any little thing that you once thought “FUCK! I wish my person didn’t do this” even for a moment. If you like them when you’re trying to stop loving them you’ll never move on. Make yourself hate them a bit and take them off any pedestal then focus on yourself. You can be nostalgic and go back to liking them as a person when there’s no longer a part of you

Anonymous

#1 16h

Maybe find a therapist to talk to about everything if you can afford one

Anonymous

#3 8h

That wants them.

Anonymous

#1 7h

Or a good honest friend

Anonymous

#3 7h

Nah I’ll always love her, but only bc of who I am now. I can’t force myself to hate someone that I don’t. I’d be furthering the issue by continuing to lie to myself yk? Plus she was really cool. The only way I was able to really let go was to understand that. That I’m not that same person anymore and that’s thanks to her and the time we had together. It wasn’t a waste and I’m grateful. “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”

Anonymous

#4 7h

2 sides of the same coin. you can do whatever you want bud as long as you’re happy. Best wishes

Anonymous

#4 5h

I have an ex I’ll always love because he was kind and as close to what I want out of a human as I’ve met thus far. But if I didn’t focus on his flaws when we broke up I don’t think I’d have ever stopped loving or wanting him. I’d still be looking for him in other people. That’s not fair to anyone else I might find because they won’t and can’t be him. And his qualities aren’t the only thing I like, but I could’ve narrowed my vision to the things that made him, him and focused only on those.

Anonymous

#4 5h

It would’ve made me miserable because he’s the only real him there ever will be. But I didn’t do that because I don’t want to bring another person into a new relationship, even when they’re just an archetype. It’s just asking for a miserable relationship if you do that imo. I mean you do you but I think someone I love in the future deserves the parts of me that he loved but they don’t deserve someone that still loves him the way I did. They deserve to be loved for them and who they are.

Anonymous

#4 5h

Yes some part of me will always love him but I don’t regret at all focusing on only his flaws for a while to heal because I don’t want someone else to have to cope with me having a “one that got away.” I hope that he also did the same because he deserves to be happy with someone else too. It would’ve been so easy to go the opposite way and hold onto him as “the only one I really ever loved” and try to replicate that relationship with someone else but wow it would’ve been bad for me.