Anonymous strawberry_hair 2w

Omg hiiii ❤️❤️

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Anonymous #2 2w

But wouldn’t a good friend have the capacity to show up for you better than a boyfriend who treats you poorly? As a queer woman I never understood this

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Anonymous #5 2w

And some people stay in shitty relationships because they don’t want to be alone, they value that relationship more than the friendships they could cut off, or because they’re just non-confrontational

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Anonymous #5 2w

I’ve done that in the past but I’m not a woman

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Anonymous #3 2w

Exactly! Literally every demographic of people engages in this behavior. The reason behind it doesn’t change if you’re a woman, man, or smth else

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Anonymous #5 2w

I’m aware any gender has the capacity to do this but in my personal experience I’ve only ever witnessed or heard of this behavior coming from women. I don’t really see men sacrifice their friends or community for partners in the way that women do but men aren’t held to a high standard in general anyway

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Anonymous #5 2w

And I never said it was a women thing, I asked why do some women do this.

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Anonymous #5 2w

And one last thing but there’s been a lot of literature on the unspoken labor women do in romantic relationships (I would look up kin keeping). More often women are sacrificing their relationships and connections because they’re expected to in ways that men aren’t

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Anonymous OP 2w

No ik! And i totally gwym, i was just highlighting that the reason behind the behavior doesn’t change based on gender. So really, you could’ve just asked why would anyone do it. I js wanted to answer the question though rly

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Anonymous OP 2w

Omg trust me ik, i took a class on gender and economics and we talked a lot about relationships between men and women. Theres soo much to go into there its actually insane but so interesting

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Anonymous #5 2w

I would argue it does differ slightly between genders because both men and women are socialized differently which impacts the way they show up in relationships and friendships , not trying to be argumentative or anything just my perspective

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Anonymous #5 2w

The topic is really interesting tbh. I’ve been wanting to get back into reading and I considered starting with feminist literature. I’m also kinda interested in heteropessimism too

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Anonymous OP 2w

Hmm you’re right actually it definitely could, and thinking on it, If i had to guess what I guess that there is an impact bc of gender. Although im still not rlly sure how it would present. I feel like the reasons i gave would still apply across the board, but perhaps the underlying cause of how you to those reasons could be impacted by your gender and how you’re socialized ? Idk food for thought ig

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Anonymous #5 2w

If i had to guess, I would guess that there is…*

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Anonymous OP 2w

Ooh im also interested in heteropessimism, reading up on it and discussing it could probably hold my attention for hours

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Anonymous #5 2w

It’s so fascinating to me

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Anonymous #5 2w

I agree that it can present slightly different depending on the individual but I guess what I’m saying is that women are often socialized to prioritize relationships or connections with men romantically or to be attracted to men (comp het) which kinda plays a role into why these romantic relationships are pedestalized or prioritized over community, family, and friendship

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Anonymous #5 2w

But for me the frustrating part is that they’re doing all this emotional labor for partners who don’t really care or value them, and they end up losing friends and social connections with others because they don’t invest or manage these connections while being in that relationship. They only seek them out when they’re going through rough patch or when they’ve already broken up.

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Anonymous OP 2w

You’re totally making sense to me, but where im getting lost is that men are also taught to prioritize romantic relationships over friendships(imo). Men are always seeking money and girls, whereas I would actually argue that women are taught to prioritize community and their partner, more than men. So I would think that, in actuality, it would still boil down the same way, to the same few reasons and motivations, and stem from similar subconscious learnings. Again tho, idk lol

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Anonymous OP 2w

Yep! I find that frustrating too, I can’t stand to see women dedicate their lives to their partner only to separate and realize they’ve done so much for their partner, that they have nothing left for themselves

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Anonymous #5 2w

I think what you’re saying makes sense, I do believe both genders prioritize romantic relationships they just have slightly different motivations and reasonings because of that socialization I referenced earlier

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Anonymous #5 2w

I think the saddest part is that I think this will alway exist in some form because of how we center romance in our society. But I hope that more women will continue to build and seek community, not just to escape bad partners, but because we are stronger when we work together

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