Ask Men on Sidechat | i feel like a lot of this generation has commitment issues. why are there so many steps and stages before you get to boyfriend & girlfriend? like im so grateful for my bf bc we started dating like a week after talking. when you know you know

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Ask Men 11w

i feel like a lot of this generation has commitment issues. why are there so many steps and stages before you get to boyfriend & girlfriend? like im so grateful for my bf bc we started dating like a week after talking. when you know you know

Anonymous 11w

I agree. My gf and I never went through a “talking stage” we just went “we’ve been friends for a while. You want to date?” then boom we’re dating

Anonymous 11w

My hot take is people are only getting into relationships because it’s seen as taboo to be single after a certain age. Thus peoples hearts aren’t really in it and can only muster a hook up at best

Anonymous 11w

Yeah we were in a very short talking stage, been officially together for almost 2 yrs

Anonymous 11w

Mmmm I think it’s because when you first start to talk to someone a lot of times they’re just putting their best foot forward and you don’t really know them yet. The period of just talking is a good time to assess whether they’re actually compatible/ are who they say they are

Anonymous 11w

its even worse because i clarify i only am looking for long term, they say the same thing, and then refuse to do anything that would lead to a long term relationship, they dont want to be seen on dates or go on dates, and they ask to “link” its awful

Anonymous 11w

genuinely, talking for months and i ask, she says yes then backs off a few days later saying she’s not ready. wtf

Anonymous 11w

I started dating my boyfriend after 3-4 weeks I think. I think it gave us time to get to know eachother but at that point we knew we liked eachother a lot and that was it. He did ask me to be exclusive at first and I was like that's dumb. Either we're dating or we aren't. And he was like ok yeah let's date that's what I want I think he just felt scared to say it and thought rejection would be easier if the label was less committed which I understand but idk why are we all so timid

Anonymous 11w

Women don’t want to be “lovebombed”

Anonymous

#1 11w

Love bombing is a manipulation tactic. If you’re not trying to manipulate them and are genuinely showing love that’s not love bombing

Anonymous

#1 11w

i don't think men want to be lovebombed either? you putting it in quotes makes me believe that you don't actually know what it is

Anonymous

#2 11w

Ideal scenario imo

Anonymous

#2 11w

Right, but it’s possible that a girl might mistake genuine love for lovebombing

Anonymous

#3 11w

Then she’s just not the one pal

Anonymous

#3 11w

That's when you show her you truly mean it and it's not just for show. My gf had some shitty exes who did love bomb her and then drop that when she did something they didn't like so I make sure to make it clear she doesn't "owe" me anything and I'm with her because I love her

Anonymous

#4 11w

I don’t really think that’s a fair assumption tbh

Anonymous

#2 11w

Yeah, that’s how I would go about it, but that can be incredibly difficult if a girl is high in neuroticism (anxiety, self-doubt, etc.) which can be amplified by social media or past experiences. 99% of dating advice content is designed to exploit that, turning what starts as reasonable caution into irrational mistrust, and ultimately into resentment and aggression towards the opposite sex.

Anonymous

#2 11w

It’s not easy to love someone who’s so guarded they forget to love you back

Anonymous

#8 11w

If the talking stage lasts longer than a month, abort mission Dating doesn’t kill anyone, it’s not a long term contract like marriage, break ups happen and it’s fine, the longer the talking stage the less likely there is to be any commitment

Anonymous

#5 11w

i’d rather talk for more than a month, 2 at least but how does a longer talking stage lessen commitment?

Anonymous

#8 11w

What is wrong with talking over dating? Why are you so hesitant for just simply a title?

-4

Anonymous

#5 11w

Well it's more than a title, it also implies exclusivity? If you're just talking then it's okay to be going on dates with other people, texting other people etc. Thats not okay once you start officially dating

Anonymous

#8 11w

imo it just means that you're exploring your options and not into the person enough yet to cut off your other connections.

Anonymous

#5 11w

like op said it’s not just a title, there’s more to it. if you really like someone are you just gonna keep talking or build something more? tf?

Anonymous

#7 11w

i agree. i also think that's why ppl stay in relationships even if they are unhappy

Anonymous

OP 11w

Right and that’s kinda the problem with society today, instead of understanding a single person at a time, getting to know their character and what makes them great (or not great/red flag and time to run) people are constantly comparing and looking for “better options”

Anonymous

#6 11w

i agree but talking for longer than two weeks is a bit too much imo.

Anonymous

OP 11w

i can see it being longer if you are complete strangers but usually you date people you were already friends with / know

Anonymous

#5 11w

yeah, like before when i was single a guy i was talking to was going on several first dates a week like he told he averaged abt 3 different girls. i stopped talking to him bc i didn't want to have to compete and i feel like he wasn't really dating for the sake of falling in love, more so for the status of having a girlfriend.

Anonymous

OP 11w

i’d say in light of dating apps, a LOT of people are not dating people they already knew. and just in general, a lot of people are dating strangers—think gyms, bars, a meet-cute somewhere in public.

Anonymous

#9 11w

i guess so

Anonymous

OP 11w

wdym you guess so? it’s not true that “usually” you already know the person you’re on a date with. at least not anymore.

Anonymous

OP 11w

my parents didn’t know each other before they dated because they met at a bar. my sister and her boyfriend didn’t know each other before they dated because she met him one time at a party through mutual friends. it’s not uncommon?

Anonymous

#9 11w

i think it truly depends. i actually was curious abt this so i made a poll. i made a post a long long time ago asking why men see getting friend zoned as a bad thing, and its bc a lot of men tend to fall really hard for their friends or people they know. thus making the friend zone thing hurt more. so i just assumed most ppl weren't really dating strangers.

Anonymous

OP 11w

obviously sometimes people date their friends but i don’t think that’s more common than any other introduction to dating. to say that people are in talking stages too long because they’ve already been friends is one thing, but it’s different when a lot of people are truly dating strangers they met one time or talked to on an app.

Anonymous

OP 11w

I met my bf via party and we did not know eachother prior. I do think that unfortunately many men see women as something to romantically or sexually pursue first before friendships that's why I think they all get hurt by friend zoning or flirt immediately off the bat with any girl they'd categorize as attractive. That's the issue

Deleted 11w

Comment Deleted

Anonymous 11w

that’s what i was doing before i told myself i see something with her

Anonymous

#5 10w

If you are dating solely to marry that's perfectly fine. Me personally that's more my intention too I'm not into casual stuff but that's MY preference for myself. Just because other people want to explore what's out there and take it slower isn't bad. In some ways I think dating is a process of learning about yourself in a relationship and what you want in a partner and sometimes it's nice to not put too much pressure on things. Just because that's not for you doesn't mean it's wrong