Anonymous #2 6w

1) can you explain more? how does therapy not work for you? 2) partners are supposed to support each other, but making your (unqualified) partner with their own shit going on your sole source of emotional vulnerability... is NOT HEALTHY. its unfair and its stressful and you're going to burn them out.

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Anonymous OP 6w

You’re onto something here, but therapy isn’t the best way to resolve this in my experience. In order for a relationship to work, both parties must be willing & able to be vulnerable with one another and to support one another. You’re right that an outside wellspring of love is necessary for both people to lean on, but wrong that another person (like a therapist) is enough to fulfill that role on their own.

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Anonymous #1 6w

easier isnt always best. if you truly love someone, you would work on yourself to be the best partner you can be & reduce their mental load

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Anonymous OP 6w

What I’m getting at is that this is the role that God plays in a healthy marriage. An infinite fount of overflowing love that continually inspires and enables both people to love each other more deeply.

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Anonymous #1 6w

people need to improve themselves inside and outside of relationships. putting all of that burden onto a partner alone is not healthy. as a woman, men genuinely dont realize how much stress that adds. we're people too and its a lot of pressure knowing that we're the only ones yall will be vulnerable with.

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Anonymous #1 6w

believe in whatever religion you want to bro. but not every relationship requires god to be healthy. therapy is still important and i stand by that

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Anonymous OP 6w

No. The idea that we must avoid vulnerability in a relationship out of love for the other person is completely backwards. A lack of vulnerability leads to a decrease in trust and intimacy, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship at all.

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Anonymous OP 6w

I’m not saying a every relationship *requires* both parties to believe in God to be healthy, I’m just saying that works a lot better than therapy in my experience lol

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Anonymous #1 6w

nobody said to avoid vulnerability. you completely missed my point. you can be vulnerable with your partner and also get therapy. thats all i said bud

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Anonymous OP 6w

What about men that are vulnerable with God? Don’t you think that would reduce the stress on the relationship?

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Anonymous #1 6w

why must the two be opposed? they're not mutually exclusive and you can do both. have you ever been in therapy yourself?

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Anonymous #1 6w

i cant say that it would. im not interested in religious men so i cant answer this question

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Anonymous OP 6w

I’m saying this as someone who currently does both. Therapy is nice, and it’s helpful to talk things out, but going to adoration has practically the exact same effect, only in my experience it’s more reliable and less focused on yourself.

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Anonymous OP 6w

In the context of your other comments, “reduce their mental load” implies being less vulnerable with your partner, no?

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Anonymous #1 6w

glad you're getting therapy. best of luck

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Anonymous OP 6w

If having another source of vulnerability is the key, why wouldn’t it have an effect?

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Anonymous #1 6w

again, i have zero interest whatsoever if religion is involved. some other women might think its a good thing tho

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Anonymous OP 6w

I’m not asking if you find religious men attractive. What makes you think I care about your dating preferences?

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Anonymous #1 6w

ur asking ME if i think having GOD in a relationship and being vulnerable with god will make things BETTER. but that question has no place being directed at me because i dont care about your god does this make sense?

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Anonymous #1 6w

no, thats not what mental load means. reducing the mental load on someone doesnt mean u stop being vulnerable? it means u take action to work on urself without ur partner always needing to be involved. its taking initiative. reducing the mental load means that when u see that someone's cup is full, u take initiative by and pouring some water into ur OWN glass. u dont keep pouring into theirs. its consideration, being empathetic, and apart of being an adult. do u get what i mean?

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Anonymous OP 6w

I see what you’re saying, and I already said it ought to be mutual. If one person’s “cup” is full, and the other’s is not full, why doesn’t the person with the full cup pour some of their water into the other’s cup? Are they afraid of being vulnerable?

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Anonymous OP 6w

No, because you can just treat it as a hypothetical and answer according to your best guess.

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Anonymous #1 6w

that person with the full cup should pour into the other person's cup. i agree with you, and i never argued against vulnerability. every relationship is different but i generally think everybody should have multiple avenues for emotional connection, because solely depending on any one person for that is unhealthy and adds a lot of pressure imo. would you be able to agree on that?

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Anonymous #1 6w

i already responded. "i cant say that it would" was my answer. maybe somebody else might be interested in responding

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Anonymous OP 6w

Yeah, I agree. I just think being excessively vulnerable (to the degree that it becomes selfish) is not a problem that most men tend to have. Usually we have the opposite problem of being insufficiently vulnerable to the degree that it leads to isolation, which in a sense is also selfish (maintaining a full cup so that no one else can be vulnerable with you).

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Anonymous OP 6w

At least, that’s the problem I had before I found God and poured my cup into the ocean.

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Anonymous OP 6w

Isn’t that just a non-answer though? Whatever, if you don’t wanna answer that’s fine

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Anonymous #1 6w

glad you found something that works for u

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Anonymous OP 6w

Thanks, I hope you do as well!

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Anonymous #1 4w

OP isn’t talking about hypotheticals, they’re trying to vent about their own boyfriend without specifically saying so. And her boyfriend hasn’t found God, and she doesn’t want him to.

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Anonymous #3 4w

op is single and doesn't have or want a boyfriend, so this post wasn't venting. it WAS hypothetical.

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