Ask Men on Sidechat | Need unbiased opinions because my friends are taking my side. My bf and I got into a huge fight, and now he’s asking for a break. (Story is long, all in comments)

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Ask Men 1d

Need unbiased opinions because my friends are taking my side. My bf and I got into a huge fight, and now he’s asking for a break. (Story is long, all in comments)

Anonymous 1d

It was wrong of you to hide that you were going out that night, and it makes you look guilty, even if you didn’t cheat. even if you didn’t do anything with the guys, you knew you were doing something that your bf didn’t want you doing and that’s where the disrespect comes in. you can’t build back trust like that. you hurt him and now you have to just accept what comes next. Try to put yourself in his shoes and think if the roles were reversed

Anonymous 1d

This seems so one sided that you’re in the wrong lmao. The same friends you “already made a mistake with” and then you go out again. Like you can’t be fr. Your friends are also toxic if they don’t see anything wrong with what you did. Genuinely crazy stuff glad I’m not your bf

Anonymous 1d

Bro if I were your bf I’d dump you on the spot you did some messed up shit and he has every right to want a break You better get your shit together if you want him for the long haul cus no man deserves to be treated like that Like it’s just basic communication and respect learn it

Anonymous 1d

My roommates and I decided to throw a girls night only event at our place to pregame and go to the bar with some friends to celebrate living together for two years. My bf doesn’t like when I go out with just them (same ppl I made the mistake with last time) when I go out because I’ve crossed his boundaries a couple times before, including accepting or asking for drinks from other men, being too flirty when drunk, and over just being a sloppy drunk.

Anonymous 1d

One of his friends saw me at the bar and told him. He showed up with his friends and saw me dancing with my girls and a group of guys. Nothing happened and I was only ever dancing with my friends never any of the guys, but he immediately accused me of cheating or doing exactly what I did in the past if he didn’t show up. Things got so heated that everyone started arguing us, his friends, my friends and the random guys. Things almost got physical between them and we were all kicked out.

Anonymous 1d

We’ve been working on rebuilding trust as I know I was wrong , and I honestly thought things were getting better. My friends said that I shouldn’t have to feel like I have to ask permission to do anything fun because of my past mistakes, and I agreed. i told him a week prior that I was going home for the weekend bc at the time that was true. When plans changed, I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want another argument.

Anonymous 1d

He started to cry and said the fact that I hid my plans proved I hadn’t changed and that he couldn’t trust me. I argued that I shouldn’t have to keep paying for my past forever, especially when I genuinely hadn’t done anything wrong that night. He ended up asking for a break and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m so devastated because I’ve never seen him cry before and that argument was what I was trying to avoid. Please help me understand what I should do because I don’t want to lose him.

Anonymous

#2 1d

Sorry if I was a little harsh I just know what bro is going through And also your friends taking your side is actually crazy

Anonymous

#2 1d

Not it’s okay I asked for it. Also I think my friends took my side bc of how heated everything got, with multiple guys yelling at me, everyone drunk, they wanted to protect me, especially bc they know I was respectful that night. From their perspective, it probably looked like a control thing about me not telling him vs him feeling disrespected. But they’re outsiders who don’t fully understand our relationship, that’s why I came here

Anonymous

OP 1d

Lk good for you for getting an unbiased opinion instead of just listening to your friends And I apologize again I did lk go a little far cus this was very similar to what my ex did Just make sure to communicate and you should be good

Anonymous

#2 1d

I understand. In my mind when I shut down men who approached me, refuse drinks from them, and made sure not to get sloppy, I felt like I was respecting his boundaries, but I’m realizing it was about more than just not telling him what I was doing and how shady the way I did it was. I just wish things hadn’t blown up the way they did because I hoped the trust we’d rebuilt would allow him to hear me out more then he did

Anonymous

#1 1d

The hardest part for me is that for months after the original incident, I made sure always try to go out with him or meet with him at bars or clubs or let him know where I was going and who I was with to rebuild trust. It hurts that the one time I didn’t tell him what I was doing became the breaking point. I understand why he was hurt, but I struggle to understand how it outweighed months of effort, unless he never truly trusted me again, which he never communicated.

-1

Anonymous

OP 1d

you need to take full accountability for your actions. you broke his trust again, it doesn’t matter that you were good for a few months. it only takes one time to fuck up and break the trust you were rebuilding. you are not the victim here

Anonymous

#1 1d

I’m not trying to play the victim. If I were, the last place I’d come to would be Ask Men. I know I broke his trust. Mentioning the months I did better wasn’t an excuse, but context to show the effort I made to rebuild it. I have both single and taken friends, so men will inevitably be around when we go out. I stayed respectful the entire night. I’m just struggling to understand how I’m supposed to rebuild trust if it only exists when he’s around or knows where I am and who I’m with.

Anonymous

#3 1d

I’m an adult, and I’m responsible for my own actions. My friends shouldn’t be blamed or iced out for my mistakes. I know not telling him my plans changed was wrong, and I’ve admitted that. I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to rebuild trust if he has to be there or know where I am anytime I want to go out. I thought showing him I could make better choices on my own was part of rebuilding trust, but my friends see his expectations as controlling. It was a girls night with ppl I live with.

-1

Anonymous

OP 23h

I’m blaming your friends for not pointing out how obviously your in the wrong not for what you did. You can’t rebuild trust

Anonymous

OP 23h

This is so such a stupid take. “Yeah I didn’t lie for like two months straight so how can me lying now matter more”

Anonymous

#3 23h

I don’t think your understanding… for one it wasn’t a short period it was around 6 months. To me nothing I did was lying besides not telling him I was going out. Your nitpicking parts of what I’m saying and twisting it. If you truly believe I was wrong how should I had handled it instead?

Anonymous

#3 22h

Well what part of what I did was wrong? Do I truly need to constantly tell my every move in order for him to even half way have trust?