
I’m a woman so this is just my best guess but I think men think of “dominate women” as people who actively are participating and making choices in sexual situations, not necessarily being actually dominant in those situations. At least that’s the experiences I’ve had when a man said that to me.
Because dominant women are an illusion and really they want an emotional replacement for their mother in a time when their hormones are telling them to procreate but the economic situation around them has given them a lack of skills, resources, and discipline to successfully carry out the task thus… they are seeking an “out”.