Ask Men on Sidechat | Can someone explain to me the reasoning behind the double standard of body count? Like I want to hear it from a man’s perspective bc it genuinely makes no sense

Sidechat

Download

Join communities on Sidechat Download

Ask Men 12w

Can someone explain to me the reasoning behind the double standard of body count? Like I want to hear it from a man’s perspective bc it genuinely makes no sense

Anonymous 12w

It’s much harder for men to sleep around than it is women. Thus, it is more socially acceptable for a man to have a high body count than a woman.

Anonymous 12w

Sexism, misogyny, and viewing women as objects are the real explanations.

Anonymous 12w

Women can get sex effortlessly, so when their body count is high it reflects on their personality and level of self control to many of us. When men have a high body count, on the other hand, while it does also reflect on their personality, other men usually recognize that they are clearly doing something right and have good game. That’s the difference, whether you think it’s fair or not

Anonymous 12w

It depends on which guy, some guys don’t hook up with people and only sleep with a girl if they’re in a relationship. So they think it’s unusual to be having sex so often. Other guys, who do have high body counts, are just judging to judge. 🤷‍♂️

Anonymous 12w

We can easily simplify this into the famous analogy everyone hates about the master key. It’s a key that works (verified by social proof). What girl wants the guy that doesn’t know what he’s doing, not the majority that’s for sure

Anonymous 12w

Don’t act like you’re here to learn or have an honest communication. It’s obvious that you’re here to get validation and/or tell men that they’re wrong.

Anonymous 12w

What double standards are you talking about?

Anonymous 12w

I think from the perspective of most guys it comes down to what is worthy of “respect” a guy will respect another guy with a high body count because they know how difficult it is to sleep with a woman, and so they’ll see that as something they can respect. However in this same guys eyes, a woman with a high bodycount is “easy” and as such is not worthy of respect, which is where the double standard comes from.

Anonymous 11w

I find it amazing that you argued with literally everyone you responded to

Anonymous 11w

I don’t get it either. I think body count should be lower for both. Men trying to artificially inflate their body count to feed into their ego and social status are part of the problem with women having hyper inflated body counts.

Anonymous 11w

Body count is weakly correlated with cheating, and people intuitively pick up on that. Guys won't cheat on other guys, though, so they just think its epic. (Personally, I'm not concerned and only worry about if someone's cheated before, but it is true)

Anonymous

#1 12w

I am here to learn. Like men will say a girl w 5 bodies “has too many” but then they’ll have like double that and see no issue.

Anonymous

OP 12w

Or they’ll say they don’t want to date a girl w a high body count but will get mad when she doesn’t want to sleep w them right off the bat. Very contradicting

Anonymous

#3 12w

As much as we’d like this social mindset to change, that’s how it has always been and is how it will always be.

-2

Anonymous

#3 12w

How is it harder for men? Both genders have to put in equal effort and it takes 2 to tango

Anonymous

#4 12w

How is it not effortless for men also

Anonymous

OP 12w

Gender roles and norms have historically required men to put in disproportionate effort though.

Anonymous

OP 12w

Admittedly, we women are much more selective in seeking sexual partners. We are quick to discard of men and slow to accept them. I believe that our preferences are more restrictive.

Anonymous

OP 12w

Also X amount of bodies is X amount of bodies. If you’re ran through, you’re ran through.

Anonymous

OP 12w

But then they’ll be like oh I wouldn’t marry a girl with over _ bodies but they’ll have the same or a higher number.

Anonymous

OP 12w

I mean the whole concept of being “ran through” is objectifying and misogynistic though.

Anonymous

#3 12w

But wouldn’t that make it harder for us? Like if you’re saying men don’t care, wouldn’t it be easier

Anonymous

OP 12w

Well no offense but it’s obvious isn’t it? Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Go to sex advice or really anywhere on this app and post “bored and dtf” while posing as a man and make a separate post posing as a woman. Watch one post get flooded with DMs from horny men and crickets from the other.

Anonymous

OP 12w

If a man and woman were to enter a bar at the same time, I predict that a woman would find suitors much more quickly than a man. With this imbalance in mind, it’s almost thought of as an “accomplishment” for a man to achieve a higher body count, given that women tend to receive more interest from men than the reverse.

Anonymous

OP 12w

I guess I agree that it’s hypocritical to not date someone with a similar body count but that’s why they are viewed differently

Anonymous

#3 12w

But it would still have to be reciprocated therefore isn’t it equal effort

Anonymous

#2 12w

Also, I think it’s more likely for guys to support guys that have high body counts than it is for girls to support other girls with high body counts. This makes it feel like women are judged a lot more than men are, because other people of their own gender are also judging them.

Anonymous

#4 12w

Just because men chose to throw themselves at women like that doesn’t make it harder for them though😭

Anonymous

OP 12w

Metaphorically, my friend and I both graduated from college today. I was raised in an upper class family and lived a privileged life. My friend was raised in a low-income family and lived a hardship-plagued life. While we both graduated and achieved the same milestone, I’m inclined to think my friend’s degree represents a more profound success than mine. I consider not only the achievement, but the means of obtaining it.

-1

Anonymous

#3 12w

This isn’t really a comparable situation

Anonymous

OP 12w

We require men to jump through many more hoops to sleep with us than they do us to sleep with them. This leads to the sentiment that a high body count for a man is more acceptable than for a woman.

Anonymous

OP 12w

Actually, it quite literally does 😭

Anonymous

#4 12w

Then why do they do it if it’s creating a barrier?

Anonymous

OP 12w

Sounds like it’s a voluntary thing

Anonymous

OP 12w

Based on your analogy, if women chose to do the same thing, it would make it harder for them, but they don’t do it so it’s easier so if men stopped doing it wouldn’t it theoretically be easier

Anonymous

#3 12w

But why is it seen as a positive thing for men and not for women? Shouldn’t the lack of self standards and control held by men be seen more negatively or like equally as negatively?

Anonymous

OP 12w

I agree that the lack of discipline in men should be viewed in an equal, negative light (if I had it my way, no one would be sleeping around). Unfortunately, we’ve seen many examples in our society of male privileges that women did not initially receive or never received ex. opening a bank account, purchasing a home, sleeping around without judgement. At this point in my life, I have decided to accept these inequalities rather than fight them.

Anonymous

OP 12w

I don’t think it’s creating a “barrier”. Women are biologically the gatekeepers of sex, and men are biologically the ones who have to chase and compete. That’s why they do it, if they don’t try they’re never gonna so much as touch a woman

Anonymous

#6 12w

I can make analogies too. A pencil sharpener that sharpens a lot of pencils is a good pencil sharpener. But a pencil that has been sharpened many times is small and eventually becomes useless. A mouth that is washed by many toothbrushes is clean, but a toothbrush that’s been in many mouths is dirty.

Anonymous

OP 12w

And I guess I could flip your question, what guy wants a woman that doesn’t know what she’s doing?

Anonymous

OP 12w

I’m not here to take jabs at you, Im genuinely sharing a different perspective of understanding that basically encompasses what the guys here are already saying. But to answer your question, most guys would be ok with that. Thats the difference

Anonymous

#6 12w

I feel like a lot more women would be okay w it than you think too.

Anonymous

OP 12w

Perhaps. You may Feel that but reality gives us the real general answer and it’s not close

Anonymous

#6 12w

I feel like there’s tons of guys who don’t wanna date virgins though. Like it’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people

Anonymous

OP 12w

There aren’t many virgins, let’s be all the way real. Look I get you having feelings about how some things are but there’s more to it than what you and I individually might think/feel. Hate to sound overly corrective but these little misconceptions girls have (not just you) about our differences is the cause for these modern dating problems. And we have issues on our side too don’t get it wrong, but they are different

-1

Anonymous

#8 12w

Don’t agree with it, but that’s what I assume most men who judge women for a high body count are thinking.

Anonymous

#8 12w

Wouldn’t a guy with a high body count also be easy

Anonymous

OP 12w

Idk

Anonymous

#9 11w

I didn’t argue with anyone. I asked questions and made counterpoints, but I didn’t argue

Anonymous

OP 11w

coming from a woman, it’s definitely harder for men😭

Anonymous

OP 11w

You definitely did argue. You asked questions yes but they were all in a combative tone such as this comment

Anonymous

#9 11w

I was asking a genuine question. Like I genuinely don’t understand why it’s seen differently when it’s the same thing

Anonymous

#11 11w

i don’t think that’s the reason

Anonymous

#10 11w

If men aren’t going it for social status, why do they tend to make fun of virgins ? Or is that all just TV? I’ve never had a conversation about body counts

Anonymous

#11 11w

no i mean i dont think that’s the reason why women have high body counts. i remember it was a flex when i was like 20, among certain friend groups, but for the most part it just kinda happens. all for the fun of it. that’s how it was for me after i left my high school relationship that lasted into college. it was a completely different experience than what i was used to. men tho, yes, can confirm many do it for status

Anonymous

#10 11w

My bad, I didn’t realize that lesbian women were responsible for higher body counts in women… /sarcasm. I was saying that because men have higher body counts, women have higher body counts. If there weren’t a few guys trying to sleep with every girl they could, than the body counts would be more averaged between men and women. The outliers are what make it seem like like one sex has a much higher body count than the other.

Anonymous

#9 11w

“Combative tone” and it’s literally written text. Anything can have a bad tone when you read it that way.

Anonymous

#10 11w

Also, my I didn’t want to focus on women, because I am a man. I don’t know a lot about female body counts. I prefer a lower one because I’d rather not be with someone that has had many partners as I myself am inexperienced. I just want to highlight that for some reason, there are men being encouraged to sleep around. Whatever stigma applies to women should apply to them as well. I don’t think guys should be given a pass for sleeping around.

Anonymous

#13 11w

LMAO oh guys absolutely do cheat on each other😭 if you’re talking about gay men

Anonymous

#10 11w

true lol, given context i assumed heterosexual men but you're right to clarify