Ask Men on Sidechat | someone told me on here that the most fulfilling part of my life as a women is going to be having kids and being a wife, not rising within my career. im wondering if ur still on here why can't i do both??

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Ask Men 8w

someone told me on here that the most fulfilling part of my life as a women is going to be having kids and being a wife, not rising within my career. im wondering if ur still on here why can't i do both??

Anonymous 8w

They might downvote me for this but that take is a classic sexist one. Do what u want to do that will be fulfilling

Anonymous 8w

Guys are so weird for this shit. Ik some woman where that’s true and they love it, ik others who never had kids and love their career, ik some who have both. Why do we need to judge other people when it doesn’t effect you like whyyyyyy😭

Anonymous 8w

Don’t take it that way, it’s the same for a guy. Be honest, would you rather raise a good and loving family or be decent at your job?

Anonymous 8w

I mean I’m also told that as a man the most fulfilling part of my life is going to be being a husband and having kids. You can do more than one thing and find fulfillment in more than one thing, but at some point in life you will have to prioritize.

Anonymous 8w

Unfortunately you can’t have it all, I wasn’t that guy, but typically youre going to have to compromise on one eventually. That being said you can obviously do what you want. In the end, what youre leaving behind in this world is what youll be reflecting on later, you can only split and manage the eggs you put in either basket

-2

Anonymous

#1 8w

i don't have too choose, i'm able to do both which is why i went to college. my degree is will never leave me

Anonymous

#2 8w

i agree! its so ironic that the men saying this are also the ones who refuse to stay home with their kids

Anonymous

#4 8w

Ummmm ik woman who have both and are very happy??

Anonymous

#3 8w

Nice! There’s always an uncommon exception

-1

Anonymous

#4 8w

Yes you can? You can be a mother and still have a vibrant career. Why would you need your compromise?

Anonymous

OP 8w

need too*

Anonymous

OP 8w

like compromise with who exactly

Anonymous

OP 8w

No! Thats why we work better together. What are you choosing, extra time with the kids or more hours towards the promotion. Let the sitters raise the kids while you take that other work trip, you dont need to be there. Obviously whatever situation youre shooting for will vary, but there will always be a choice to be made

Anonymous

#4 8w

Ah I see so this is just misogyny, and also stupidity but those two usually go hand in hand.

Anonymous

OP 8w

Respectfully find a dictionary. Only Father Time can show you anyway

-1

Anonymous

#4 8w

No, all you're doing is guilting me into not wanting to seek out a career and "choose" to spend time with my future kids. When in reality I can literally do both. A babysitter isn't gonna raise my kids while I'm away on a work trip. Also whos to say I can't bring them along with me?? Or why can't my husband watch them?? I'm not in college taking classes to not end up using my degree. Even when I am married I will still have money set aside for myself incase something happens with my husband.

Anonymous

OP 8w

Say I drop out of college right now. I marry my current bf and we start a family. What if he abandons me? He takes the kids and skip town. What if he dies? Then where would I be? How would I provide for myself? What if he left the kids? How would I provide for them without a job or the educational means to get a decent pay career?

Anonymous

OP 8w

No bc deadass, I want to be a lawyer and the type of law I want to do makes great money, my bf rn said if we’re still together and have kids he’d gladly be a stay at home dad if it meant I wanted to have kids and a career

Anonymous

OP 8w

Reality’s going to say you can’t bring them along. When your company buys you a plane ticket to that conference, do you think they’re going to buy additional tickets for your kids to join you? Is your kid going to miss school for three days to be there with you? Are they just going to sit in the corner of the board meeting while you present your pitch?

-2

Anonymous

OP 8w

You can be a parent and have a job, most parents do. But there’s also a reason that the stereotype of the dad who provides for his kids financially but neglects them emotionally and is never there for them exists. Because reality demands you make sacrifices.

Anonymous

OP 8w

Say you pursue career and get a management position with serious responsibility. Tonight’s your kid’s biggest game of the year and you’re supposed to be there. Ten minutes before you leave the office, one of your employees comes to you with a crisis that’s going to take a few hours to solve, and if you don’t do it before you leave today, it’s gonna cost the company tens of thousands of dollars and piss off your biggest client that you’ve worked to build a relationship with. What do you choose?

Anonymous

OP 8w

There’s not a right or wrong answer, but you can’t do both. You can let your company down and hurt your career prospects to be there for your kid, or you can put out the fire at work and disappoint your kid cause they were the only one whose parent didn’t show up on senior night. And yeah, that may be an extreme example. But as a career-oriented parent, you’re going to face micro versions of that choice literally every single day. You do the best you can to balance it, but you make decisions.

Anonymous

#5 8w

I’ve had that exact situation happen with my dad before, I got to go with him to a conference in California and watch him present stuff and it was so fun. Best father daughter bonding moment

Anonymous

#5 8w

Same can be said for men but no one says anything then. If you’re providing for your family you do what you need to do

Anonymous

OP 8w

So which do you think you’ll get more fulfillment from? Are you going to be happier that you saved your company from losing all that money and you might get higher consideration for a future promotion? Or are you going to be happier from spending that time being there to see your kid achieve what they’ve been working for all season?

Anonymous

#3 8w

Uh, everyone says that for men. That’s one of the biggest things men generally get criticized for is putting their work ahead of their family. Like have you ever seen any movie ever?

Anonymous

#5 8w

lol ok so what are you going to do then?? No career or no kids

Anonymous

#3 8w

I prioritize family. Because I get more fulfillment from them then I’ll ever get from helping some corporation make a little extra money.

Anonymous

#1 8w

Some people have genuine passions though? They might want to build a name for themselves in medicine, law, engineering. And in that instance, they pick job over family. Which isn’t wrong. I’m a believer that you should only have kids if you want them and have the capacity to raise them.

Anonymous

#4 8w

Only uncommon because society makes it uncommon If raising kids was 50/50 women could continue their careers. Unfortunately raising kids isn’t 50/50 and women end up doing a tad bit more

Anonymous

#3 8w

That’s great for you that you got to have a nice trip with your dad once. But if you’re someone whose career demands you travel a lot, are you going to pull your kid out of school several weeks of the year every year?

Anonymous

#3 8w

It’s also easy to say you do what you need to provide for your family, but that’s not what we’re talking about here. There’s a line between doing what you need to provide, and doing things for work that you don’t need to do but choose to for the sake of career trajectory. If you think of your career as an equal source of fulfillment, but doing those extra things comes at a cost to your family, which do you prioritize?

Anonymous

#5 8w

i would buy their tickets myself dumbass? Also this situation will literally never happen bc i'm not going into corporate america. i'm going into film/entertainment. if i get a job as a character performer at Toyko Disney, best believe my whole family is gonna be coming with me

Anonymous

OP 8w

Or if I have to move to LA for a film shoot, i feel like any kid would want to come and see

Anonymous

OP 8w

Okay, film shoots can last weeks or months, if you have to go to LA for a 6-week film shoot, is your kid going to miss 6 weeks of school? They often have really intense schedules with 12-14 hour days for weeks on end, are you just gonna be unavailable for your kid for a month and a half? You know roles require auditions right? If there’s a big role you want to audition for but the audition time is during your kids’ big game, are you being there for your kid or at the audition for your career?

Anonymous

OP 8w

Change the variables but the questions are the same. When your opportunities for career growth come at a cost to your relationship with your family, which are you choosing to prioritize?

Anonymous

#5 8w

There’s lots of other ways to do school now, it doesn’t need to be In person. Could be online, homeschooling

Anonymous

#5 8w

like 99% of auditions are virtual... and yes ik filming can take weeks to months and even years. however my kids will be homeschooled

Anonymous

#3 8w

Okay then you’ve answered my question, you’re prioritizing your career.

Anonymous

OP 8w

You are dodging the question again. The core question. When opportunities for career growth come at a cost to your relationship with your family, which one are you choosing to prioritize? I’ve already given you my answer, I’m putting my family first. Thanks but I’m good, I don’t need that promotion. You though seem to be laboring under the delusion that work will just somehow never interfere with the rest of your life. I hope it works out that well for you, but it’s not going to. Good luck tho!

Anonymous

#5 8w

I'm not dodging the question, you just can't seem to handle the fact that being a mother and rising kids is not the most fulfilling thing a women can do. You're acting like i'm going to traumatize my kid just bc I see myself climbing up in my career. I'm gonna be an example for them. I want to show them that they can achieve their dreams if they put their minds to it. I'm sorry you don't understand that.

Anonymous

#5 8w

You might not agree but I’m choosing career🙋‍♀️ my husband can be a stay at home dad. I saw my parents relationship (my dad working and my mom staying at home) and it was great for us growing up I look up to my dad sm bc of how hard he worked. He was gone a bit when we were younger but I don’t remember any of that and bc of the hard work he put in now he gets to be around all of the time when I can remember.

Anonymous

OP 8w

I never said you can’t get fulfillment from your career. You asked ‘why can’t I do both’, and I said because there will be times when you have to choose which one gets top priority. I also said that there’s not a right or wrong answer which one you choose to prioritize. It’s your life, you get to decide what you want to do. I’m just telling you there’s a finite number of hours in a day, and you can’t be in two places at once. Do with that whatever you will.

Anonymous

#3 8w

Again if you’re choosing that consciously, good for you