Anonymous #1 1w

it’s a pick one, i often hear about false accusations, being called creepy, etc. but rarely do i hear men honestly say “I’m just scared of rejection.” But y’all are people. It would be easy for anyone to say “I don’t approach strangers because they could harm me mentally or physically” but AT A POINT it’s more than just stranger danger.

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Anonymous #2 1w

okay but men talk about these logistical things all the time about stranger danger and never discuss any of the vulnerabilities inherent to exposing one’s feelings. at a certain point, it’s going to feel like a front. “it’s both” but one is far easier to excuse one’s behavior by logically.

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Anonymous OP 1w

Ur asking for male opinion and dismissing, idk what else to say to u lol

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Anonymous #2 1w

i just asked you to pick one instead of avoiding my question. pick a primary factor, i know that both are at play. if you don’t want to confront my question don’t, but yes I am digging for deeper responses. call it dismissing your superficial answer if you will. reputation is inherent to FAs.

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Anonymous OP 1w

For me, it would be reputation/poor reaction. I’ve asked a handful of girls out but only after I know them and know they won’t spread rumors about me. I have almost always been rejected tho lolll

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Anonymous OP 1w

Real answer it’s not rejection or an accusation but the thought of making a women uncomfortable is equivalent to the thought of putting a tack under my toenail and kicking a wall

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Anonymous #1 1w

True that

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Anonymous #1 1w

Why?

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Anonymous OP 1w

This is like most men’s (that I have interacted with) biggest fear lol, and imo it ties back to reputation but there can be other theories

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Anonymous OP 1w

Cause I feel like ima be off putting even if I’m not and I don’t like making people feel uncomfortable especially women cause I know there are actual weird guys out there

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Anonymous #3 1w

with women platonically and normally. it’s a shame

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Anonymous #3 1w

Idk most of my friends are women and I love them platonically, I can def do platonic

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Anonymous #2 1w

It’s the fact that they, in the stories I’ve been told from them too, can def call someone clearly trying their best creepy or unsettling. Really makes you not want to be labeled that!

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Anonymous #3 1w

It’s definitely the women online that complain about being approached rather than men making them out to be scary and unfortunately the minority scares off the rest, same with bad men but that’s a whole other can of worms that’s worse

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Anonymous #2 1w

Just my 2 cents tho

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Anonymous #2 1w

i saw your other comment. you said for you it’s about rejection, so sounds like you don’t apply to what i’m talking about, which is men having a fear of being deemed a predator

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Anonymous #1 1w

Agreed, unfortunately it’s a self fulfilling prophecy from both sides

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Anonymous #2 1w

why would you assume your friends, that you know, are lying about the men who approached them & how they felt?

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Anonymous #1 1w

but the women that complain about it are genuinely being approached in weird ways, that’s the difference. so guys just need to be normal and kind

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Anonymous #3 1w

No I said it wasn’t rejection actually

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Anonymous #2 1w

trying your best doesn’t make you not creepy. again the issue is men not being used to seeing women as human beings instead of objects of desire and treating women normally

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Anonymous OP 1w

I mean I am not friends with them anymore, but yea, the story he took it on the chin and left and they were offended he bothered them and thought he had a chance lol

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Anonymous #2 1w

My current women friends are better in that regard! But it’s def hard when there isn’t data on a person on how they will react

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Anonymous #2 1w

my bad for misinterpreting your previous comment then. but what ur saying abt the guy who took it on the chin and the girls being offended he bothered them… then that’s rejection you’d be afraid of

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Anonymous #2 1w

But nothing happened to that man? He was fine? Why is this even being mentioned?

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Anonymous #3 1w

Exactly he was just turned down?

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Anonymous #3 1w

No no cause now they are spreading that he was bad and shouldn’t have done that. That’s the issue. If they leave it then that’s fine. But, and I don’t love bringing this up, the tea app for example, which is really good in ways to help keep women safe and def if was Better could be a great app, when I see it on their screens, it’s mostly petty things about being awkward and weird and not socially good. Not actually saftey. Why would I want to be labeled that? I would rather know them first

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Anonymous #2 1w

To not have that risk IMO

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Anonymous #2 1w

You never said they said he was “bad” you said they said they thought he was out of their league ie. “thought he had a chance”

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Anonymous OP 1w

I thought bothering was enough but my bad then for not being specific

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Anonymous #2 1w

The word botherinf

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Anonymous #2 1w

i get what you’re saying but being labeled awkward is different than being labeled a predator. so what i mean is you and i are talking about different things

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Anonymous #2 1w

And WHO TF uses the Tea app, is that supposed to be an accurate reflection of the world. Further— have YOU met these men on the app? Is it bad to call someone awkward? Is it bad to call someone weird? If they aren’t accusing them of anything this is about rejection.

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Anonymous #2 1w

My own dog can bother me, I don’t think he’s “bad” or going to hurt anyone.

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Anonymous #3 1w

Ok that’s totally fair!

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Anonymous OP 1w

I don’t think it’s an accurate reflection at all lol, that wasn’t the point

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Anonymous #2 1w

Honestly yea it is bad to call someone awkward and weird online and blast it to tons of people who now that’s their impression of them…..

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Anonymous #2 1w

I’m just gonna try & say this clearly, with nothing intended by it, just my observations & you can respond: All these examples don’t seem to reflect the logical “I need to protect my reputation from being called a predator” idea that is THE immediate retort when you usually ask a man why won’t approach “False accusations, she’ll say I’m a pred” etc. What seems to be happening is “I am scared of a certain kind of rejection that would hurt my ego (not meant in a bad way just the word)”

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Anonymous OP 1w

I didn’t say predator

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Anonymous #2 1w

“I don’t want to be called awkward of weird or be laughed at” and that’s what I mean by rejection & being vulnerable. It feels like THAT emotional fear is not being spoken about because its vulnerable & it’s easier to say something logical.

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Anonymous #2 1w

If you mean only predator (which isn’t in the post btw) then I would more agree! Which I agreed with #3 on!

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Anonymous #2 1w

But there is more to that, there is other things

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Anonymous #2 1w

What is the “more than that” if not the reputational ego damage that is inherent in being put down by your peers?

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Anonymous OP 1w

IMO it’s not exactly the same, but that is just a circular argument where we will get nowhere

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Anonymous OP 1w

I mean being labeled these things gets you ridiculed and made fun of lol. Like I’ve been asked out as a joke cause of this stuff and laughed at lol

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Anonymous #2 1w

I was an awkward kid at one point and it’s stuff that bleeds into other parts of ur life

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Anonymous #2 1w

As someone who’s also been asked out as a joke, I’m still just struggling to see how this isn’t a fear of rejection. Not gonna push it more I just think we have different ideas about it. I perceive those sorts of things as the fallout we fear from being told “You’re not good enough, you’re not cool, you’re weird” etc. I don’t look at it as protecting my reputation… it’s just protecting my own feelings.

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Anonymous OP 1w

I mean fair, I think it’s just where ur goal is? Like for me I wanted to find my group and it became my reputation I feared cause if that was their first impression I couldn’t even get a chance yk? I’m not trying to invalidate u btw I’m sorry if I came off as argumentative over text, this would be a very fun(?) in person convo tbh

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Anonymous #2 1w

oh i always come off as confrontational dw, i just debate more than i discuss naturally. i get what you mean, i also think i respect & understand what you fear. it does seem distinct from the men who completely detatch emotions from it and just insist its about protecting their reputation from like… the law, or an employer, or a school board, etc. vs. social consequences (which goes hand in hand with that desire for acceptance, the opposite of rejection)

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Anonymous #2 1w

idk if this will ease your fears at all, but even girls who talk badly about people they reject aren’t going around telling everybody. they’re just telling their friends. chances are it won’t move outside of that circle. mostly bc a random guy that hits on you is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things

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Anonymous #3 1w

Yes I know, I def wouldn’t be hitting on any random women unless they give me clear and almost direct signals (which fortunately has happened like 2 times), but yes.

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Anonymous #5 1w

wtf do you mean “hard to beat” socially? legally?

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Anonymous #5 1w

why are you important enough for someone to make a false accusation about? those are incredibly rare

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Anonymous OP 1w

Both

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Anonymous #5 1w

i’m gonna pretend you did not just say it is easy to convict a man or rape without evidence under my post today. go elsewhere.

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Anonymous #5 1w

i actually do not have the patience for this bullshit.

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Anonymous #5 1w

Clown

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Anonymous #1 1w

This is called a fear of rejection

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Anonymous #3 1w

Women are scary untouchable beings thoigh

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Anonymous #12 1w

It totally makes sense why women are wary of men approaching them for their own safety, but unfortunately, it means that many men, especially neurodiverse men such as myself, have had experiences in approaching girls of inadvertently making them uncomfortable, or being perceived as creepy by them without being aware of how, only to find out in very less than ideal ways (e.g. a third party, since she often doesn’t feel comfortable saying so directly to a guy when she is unsure of his intentions)

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Anonymous #12 1w

It’s not a false accusation per se, because her experience of feeling uncomfortable or creeped out is very much real, but that only makes it all the worse to find out as a guy that you made a women uncomfortable or creeped her out in approaching her when that very much wasn’t your intention.

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Anonymous #12 1w

So men’s apprehension over approaching women goes beyond the mere fear of rejection. While the fear of rejection is universal, women very unfortunately have more reason to fear for their safety in our society than men do. As a result, women are much more prone to being creeped out or made uncomfortable than men are, particularly unintentionally.

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Anonymous #12 1w

As such, while the fear of making someone of the opposite gender uncomfortable in approaching them is not unique to men, it is uniquely prominent among men compared to women. The unfortunate flip side of women needing to be more on guard for threats to their safety is that men have to be more afraid of inadvertently coming across as such a potential threat.

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Anonymous #2 6d

your best can be creepy, both can be true

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Anonymous #5 6d

there’s a big difference between “i’m uninterested,” you’re creepy,” and “im a using you of something” if you’re afraid of being labeled as those maybe consider your appro

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