Anonymous #3 4w

embracing traits that associated with being feminine, such as nurturing, empathy, creativity, and emotional openness, being soft. stuff like that

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Anonymous OP 4w

Ooo this is a very patriarchal take icl

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Anonymous #1 4w

if you google feminine traits, this is what pops up. literally by definition😭

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

refer to the comment thread that says “what does that even mean”

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Anonymous OP 4w

Having empathy is not feminine it’s just being a good/functional person

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Anonymous #3 4w

i agree, but once again; by literal definition, it is a feminine trait. i don’t make the rules so take it up with god. idk

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Anonymous OP 4w

Then no, I have actively squashed all of the instincts/feelings/traits you just named (excluding creativity, but I would contest that it has nothing to do with femininity particularly)

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

What a horrible life to live

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Anonymous OP 4w

I’m as man as can be but I am kind and caring. I do not like it when people are wrong or when animals are hurt

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Anonymous OP 4w

I just mean obv that is one definition but I would def argue none of them are inherently feminine, I digress that isn’t the point of the post

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Anonymous #3 4w

I am very caring but not good at "nurturing", i'm not good enough with emotions for that

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Anonymous #1 4w

sure i can also make that argument but you’re right, that’s not the point of the post

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

that’s so sad. #getbettersoon

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Anonymous OP 4w

and how might i get better in your view?

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

show some emotion

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Ngl not having empathy or understanding your emotions can have bad negative effects. New levels of happiness and understanding can only be reached when you can let yourself feel sadness and express your emotions and share them with people you love. True loneliness is when you don’t have people that understand you even though they are all around you. It makes it harder for you to love someone or to be loved. For example my first relationship I really liked my girlfriend I thought…

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

…thought she was very pretty, smart, had life goals and ambitions and was on a good path. She loved me too but I eventually realized that I didn’t really love her. I enjoyed spending time with her but I wouldn’t be thinking about her when I was doing other things or missing her. And that was because all of the stressful things I was dealing with I hadn’t talked about them with her because I thought that they were things she wouldn’t understand. In the end I missed out on what could’ve been

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Even in the context of friends, I have a few really close friends that I talk about with about deeper stuff and I have some close friends who I don’t talk about as much important stuff with. As we get older, my friends that are more just “friends of proximity” because we had many shared interests won’t be friends that I’m able to keep up with as much while my real close friends that we understand each other from being emotionally open at least with certain things will be lifelong friends

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Anonymous #6 4w

Green: I am already willing to express positive emotions outwardly (to a generous extent), but maybe I'll consider showing the ones I keep close to the chest when there is no longer any negative consequences tied to doing so, namely the consequences that come with being seen as weak/soft/sensitive and the opportunity to have your vulnerability used against you (which at least personally felt inevitable that it would happen) Orange: I got empathy for maybe 2 guys and sympathy for everyone else.

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Red: I genuinely could not disagree more personally, as at least for myself I have never been happier than I am now having basically never been truly emotionally vulnerable to another person for at least 2-3 years and vulnerable at all exactly 4 times in that same timeframe (no crying or anything, just explaining my concerns/worries/regrets bluntly). I simply have enough control over how I feel now that I am entirely emotionally independent, making my life much better and easier.

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Yellow: I understand myself plenty. Purple: I have friends who intimately understand me, I simply don't need to explain or express my feelings at all for them to understand me and how I'm feeling. This is likely because we are all pretty stoic so there is common understanding there. Cyan: I simply disagree

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Blue: At least for women, it actually has made me easier to love imo since I don't put ANY of the responsibility of regulating my emotions or handling my emotional/spiritual struggles on them as I don't feel it is their responsibility. For the men in my life it is the same deal as since I don't really need others to help me with what very very few emotional problems I do have, I am relatively low maintenance as a friend making it easier to have me around.

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Anonymous #6 4w

Green: Understand or not, what *exactly* was lost by not explaining to her your emotional struggles. Yellow: This is true for me as well Orange: This is universally true except the part about openness, at least personally my closest friends are rarely open at all because we don't need to be open to *get* each other.

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

wtf are you yapping about? pls go outside and lower your screen time

2

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Trying to make yourself devoid of all emotions doesn’t work. Stewing on any one emotion is also bad. You can’t go through the natural cycles of processing without experiencing your emotions. You say disagree that it makes it harder for u to love someone who doesn’t know your emotions, but how can you love someone if they dont even love the real you? Bc they’ve never met the real you

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

You may find more often that people initially find you easier to deal with but in the realm of relationships, never fighting is bad. It means you don’t care about anything that is important to your partner. The relationship may persist or last a long time or feel good in some ways while never fighting. Eventually though it will weigh on one or both of you that your partner doesn’t know you. You won’t be able to form a true connection because you are closed off

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

You can have few problems or few things you need help with and still share your feelings. Your life will always have “problems” they will just change based on your current perspective. Talking to friends about your problems is an extremely effective way to better process your own thoughts. Why would I even want a friend if they don’t know what kinds of things I’m worried about or struggling with. Might as well talk to chat gpt then I guess

1

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

By not explaining my emotional struggles to her I stopped her from being able to know the real me and that made it impossible for me to love her because she didn’t understand me

1

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

It’s not just to get each other once it’s too share struggles together to just be human in front of people

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Anonymous #6 4w

Green: Never said that is what I was trying to do, I just am *very* selective on what to be open about emotionally and to whom I am willing to open with. Yellow: I find this whole concept of the "real you" pretty asinine as ultimately I don't think someone needs to see me fully emotionally unraveled in front of them in order to get a good sense of who I am. What people see of me reflects the effort I put in to be dependable, presentable, and strong both emotionally and physically for the...

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

... people around me as well as myself I feel to be far more indicative of the "real me" than any of my internal feelings, emotions, struggles, etc. Orange: It is not just true initially, I am and have consistently been a very low maintenance friend/partner because I do not need much to be content. Red: I of course get into fights/arguments, I just try to not let my emotions (aside from concern) have a part in them as I want to stay calm and logical to reduce the damage that can be caused. I....

1

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

... care very deeply about my and my future partners future, so I will openly express my concerns if I see it as necessary to resolve in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Purple: Is this not the goal, to have stability and low conflict (not just ignored conflict) collaboration? Blue: I still do not understand why me not having sufficient and/or appropriate emotional struggles to share to sate her curiosity and/or choosing not to share what struggles I do have which do not not directly...

0

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

... impact the relationship is such a significant cause for alarm. She does not need to know literally everything about me to know who I am and/or "the real me". As for it weighing on me, as someone who wants to give their partner the easiest and most peaceful life I can, I would like to know if she is dealing with anything I could help her with, which because most women (unlike most men) feel better simply by talking about their issues (studies back this up), the issues I can help with are.....

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

Dude no offense but you type really slow bruh. I’ve been trying to catch up with this thread and it’s taking you 15 minutes to type out short segments of stuff that sounds like it came from a generic ai generated podcast guide on how to be emotionally unavailable and why it supposedly makes you stronger

2

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

...nearly universal. Pink: Again like I said before, I really don't see how my choices reguarding emotional vulnerability necessarily means that "true connection" (whatever that exactly means) is impossible.

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Anonymous #7 4w

I was taking things out of the laundry between segments

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Anonymous #6 4w

Green: I am willing to do so as long as I am sure it is safe to do so, but I have consistently learned that I am very rarely truely safe to be fully vulnerable. Yellow: This is not true for everyone and I know it is not true for me. Orange: They are kind, reliable, funny/charismatic, thoughtful, wise, etc. There are plenty of reasons why outside of needing someone to emotionally depend on. Red: Building a life together does entail struggling together, I get that, but I have been talking about...

1

Anonymous stanczyk 4w

...my personal/individual struggles in particular which I don't think I necessarily need to share. Purple: If "being human in front of others" means to emotionally unravel in front of someone so they can peer behind the curtain, I don't think I can do that as anymore. I'm very willing to get real with someone and be honest, but I am only open when I feel it is both safe and necessary to be open.

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

If the only thing people ever see is a façade exterior then in moments of extreme stress it will eventually break down and people will be surprised at what shows. When you have a relationship or close friend and something that’s a real sticking point of a fight comes up or something goes wrong like your car gets hit or something if you turn into a completely different person that can be scary or cause problems.

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

If people don’t know who you are when things go sideways and your mask falls away it can be scary. Because if I don’t know what you’re really thinking(or at least to understand why or how you’ll react) then how can I trust you

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Anonymous stanczyk 4w

The whole point of being “vulnerable” is that it’s a risk. You are opening yourself up to harm and bad things because by doing so your partner can also be vulnerable and then you can build a deep trust

1