Anonymous #3 11w

Because I’m saying one shouldn’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions about the dynamic between a 22 year old and a 29 year old based solely on their ages without any additional context?

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

What makes you think it’s an awful age gap? A 7 year age gap at 22 isn’t even that bad in the grand scheme of things. I believe this was also around the ages of my parents when they started dating. Granted, they’re divorced now, but a lot of marriages end in divorce these days, from what I understand they initially were happy together, and OP never said they were planning on marrying one another at any point.

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Anonymous #1 11w

The part that’s really a problem is when the ages meet. I’m 21 and while I’ve absolutely had problems with dating, being with someone so much older creates a very negative impact. Two different life stages. If it was… 27 and 34 I would see that much more favorably. The problem is just with life experiences, expectations in relationships- goals etc. Seven years is a gap that I think is very weird at that age. My aunt and uncle are 11 years apart and they met as proper adults- not coming out of co

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

college but as someone in their 30’s and 40’s.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

22 is a proper adult though. I could maybe see you point if you were talking about a 7 year age gap between an 18 or 19 year old and a 25 or 26 year old, but at 22, you’ve been a legal adult for at least 4 years, many 22 year olds have graduated college, not to mention there are non-traditional 29 year old undergraduate students as well as 22 year olds who never went to college.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

You are assuming they are in two different life stages without knowing anything about what life stages they are in, when they could very well be in the similar life stages. Everyone’s journey through life is unique, and different people progress through different life stages at different rates.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

Also, not everyone the same age has the same expectations or goals in relationships. People’s expectations and goals in relationships is very individual, and while there may be certain trends in how people’s expectations and goals in relationships evolve throughout their life, different people move through those phases at very different rates.

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Anonymous #1 11w

22 is a proper adult yes, but I still think it’s too far. I’m not saying they aren’t at the same place schooling wise- because they maybe! But there’s other factors to consider when talking about an age gap this big at a younger age. I don’t have to assume different life stages because they are different life stages. Age helps with experience. Having 7 years on someone is a huge amount of life lived when we’re talking about people so young. I’m not saying everyone has the same goals either.

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Anonymous #1 11w

Regardless, I put in my two cents. I think someone who’s 29 regardless of gender, should know better than to mess with someone so much younger than them. There’s inherent power dynamics in a relationship like that.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

Stigmatizing and judging other people for being in age gap relationships without actually knowing them, the individual circumstances involved, and whether the specific relationship is actually a happy, healthy, and mutually respectful one or not, and instead making assumptions and generalizations based solely off of the age demographics of the people involved, really isn’t helpful. You mention real issues and concerns, but they aren’t perfectly or even that closely correlated with age.

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Anonymous #1 11w

I did not say I was judging people for being in an age gap relationship. OP asked for opinions. I gave mine and my reasonings. I don’t know the circumstances and neither do you. I respect your opinion, I do. But I would prefer if also respected mine. We have two different ways of looking at something like this and that’s fine! But I was sharing my thoughts just like you did.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

No relationship is inherently perfectly balanced with zero power differentials. If everyone looked to only get with people who there were absolutely no power differentials between in any area, nobody would be entering relationships. In reality, in relationships, there are at least slight power differentials in some areas leaning towards one partner and in other areas leaning towards the other partner.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

The power differential between people who are 22 and 29 years old by virtue of their ages and different amounts of life experience, isn’t even particularly large in the grand scheme of things.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

What’s important is to be aware and cognizant of power differentials that exist in a relationship and to not exploit or take advantage of them, for both partners to treat one another as equals and with respect, to respect each other’s autonomy, and to treat one another and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. Not for there to be zero power differentials in any area or aspect.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

Every human being is unique, and the differences between any pair of individuals naturally gives rise to power differentials along those differences. The only way to entirely get around that is to date an exact clone of oneself, which doesn’t exist.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

Fair enough if you were sharing your opinion and thoughts. You did call it an “awful age gap wth” and said you think think someone who’s 29 “should know better than to mess with someone so much younger than them,” which to me seemed judgmental and contributing to the unhelpful stigma that I was talking about.

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Anonymous #1 11w

There’s unhealthy stigma’s for a reason. I myself have been creeped on by much older men- especially because they think I’m younger. In my opinion yes someone who’s 29 should know better than to mess with someone who’s 22. That doesn’t mean it has to be your opinion. I truly don’t see why you are fighting so hard on this. You asked for an explanation and I backed it up with my own reasoning. You won’t convince me otherwise and I would appreciate it if you would stop responding to me.

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Anonymous #1 11w

You and I have different opinions and that’s okay! But you aren’t being very respectful of mine since you keep trying to come up with ways to “prove” me wrong or incorrect, which I do not appreciate.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

Well I don’t think you’re being very respectful of other people’s mutual personal decisions to enter a relationship or get with one another. You can have your own opinion on it, but just because it’s something you wouldn’t do personally doesn’t mean you have to judge two other people for making decisions differently than you would.

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Anonymous strawberry_hair 11w

I do appreciate your explanation and reasoning you gave behind your opinions though!

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Anonymous #1 11w

So you think that 21 and 81 is fine?

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Anonymous #6 11w

That’s a lot odder than 22 and 29, but without knowing either of the people involved I wouldn’t make assumptions. I suppose if they are both genuinely happy with each other I wouldn’t judge.

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Anonymous #1 11w

You are a detriment to the human gene pool

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