But as soon as I was honest about how good we were doing I realized we were doing too good and that eventually something was gonna happen. Whether it be because of me or him or something else. This threw me into overdrive and I started overthinking every little thing I’ve done or said lately. I started doubting what he’s told me and started feeling like me asking for us to call was annoying him. Ended up causing myself to break down thinking about how I’m such a needy person when I actually care

1

About someone and how he probably hates it but doesn’t say anything because he wants to get lucky. I’ve thought about how pretty his ex lovers must be and how he probably hates looking at me. Woke up with horrible anxiety and knew then and there that I didn’t want to do anything today but I still went through with my routine so that I wouldn’t fall too deep. But as soon as I knew I was almost home my anxiety started to become physical. I started shaking and feeling nauseous and kept thinking

1

Horrible thoughts about myself. The minute I got home I forced myself to curl up in my bed and just rot, eventually falling asleep. Even tho I was in and out of sleep for a long time I just kept thinking about how much I hate myself when I actually like someone because they probably don’t feel the same. And it sucks because I haven’t talked to him all day because of everything despite how much I wanted to but knew I couldn’t. He even asked if we were gonna call tonight and I told him that it was

1

Fine since I knew he had to be up in the morning.

1