Anonymous #7 7w

I have no idea who down voted you when you’re completely right. I am gay and my wettest dream is never needing to have another conversation about it

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Anonymous OP 7w

being straight is the default in mainstream culture so there would be no reason to establish that about yourself right off the bat when people bring up a marginalized identity immediately upon introduction it’s because that info is key to understanding who they are, or they’re trying to check that you’re not a bigot before they get to know you

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Anonymous OP 7w

also “not caring” would just mean that it doesn’t make a difference to you, and reacting neutrally is normal. if a friend was remarking on your reaction from the outside then I doubt you came across as neutral?

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Anonymous #10 7w

my friend did not remark on my reaction. she was just reiterating what that person said to her. she was not present at time of situation

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Anonymous #10 7w

Bro how else are they to respond to that I feel like that’s a normal/acceptabke response 😭 esp if ur just meeting someone it might feel weird saying smt like congrats or thanks for sharing that w me since they’re not close idk maybe that’s just me tho

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Anonymous #10 7w

Ik ur just tryna make a point but even saying “straight is the default in mainstream” feels weird cause shouldn’t we be trying to make both sides the default anyway? I think it also could depend on how they presented that info. Like I understand wanting to make sure ur not a bigot but u could jsut like talk ab it in reg convo soft launch type thing idk I just feel like going up to someone and saying “hi im sam and im gay” is a little strange like ok thanks for the fun fact 🤷‍♀️

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Anonymous #11 7w

you sound pressed. I’m queer and acknowledging the fact that we’re an oppressed minority, you don’t need to try and performatively out-woke me or whatever

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Anonymous OP 7w

okay, but you reacted in a way that made the other person feel awkward. again, doesn’t exactly sound like neutrality to me. kinda just sounds like you navigated a social situation poorly

1

Anonymous #10 7w

i feel like its not my responsibility to make them feel not awkward when they put me in an awkward position. but again, i literally just said "cool" and moved on

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Anonymous #10 7w

i am a poc who doesnt immediately look like a poc. its still not the first thing i say when i introduce myself to someone.

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Anonymous #10 7w

anyway, my friend made it seem that the person was more bothered that i moved on rather than my initial "okay cool" reaction

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Anonymous OP 7w

it’s too funny that you think learning someone’s orientation is “being put in an awkward situation”. is it 2006 or 2026 rn?

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Anonymous #10 7w

i will say it again here too. it is not the fact they are gay that i thought is weird. its the way they went about it. you are trying to paint me and others as homophobic even though we are not. you are not winning the woke award here, buddy

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Anonymous OP 7w

okay? that doesn’t mean someone who Would immediately bring that up is putting me in an awkward position as a white person. I’m queer and also don’t tend to say as much upon introducing myself, but since I can see outside myself I can accept that some people might have reason to want to

0

Anonymous OP 7w

why even post to AITA when you’re not open to critical feedback?

0

Anonymous OP 7w

idk your inner thoughts or values, anyone is free to represent themselves as “not homophobic” when they aren’t out here throwing slurs around or w/e, but I know the shit you’re saying indicates to me that you have some discomfort around other people’s orientations that needs unpacking, and there’s not much you could say atp to convince me otherwise

1

Anonymous #10 7w

you are the only person that said i was in the wrong. even our mutual friend said that she understood where i was coming from. i am open to feedback but it also seems you do not have comprehensive reading skills, as evident by your post about me and your previous comments

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Anonymous OP 7w

of course, it’s easy to claim you’re open to feedback but then dismiss anyone criticizing you as too stupid to take seriously. that’s fine, I don’t respect you either

1

Anonymous #10 7w

thats ok. you are free to think whatever you want lol

1

Anonymous #10 7w

you have said that i thought someone being gay itself was what put me in an awkward position, my friend thought i was being negative and that makes me homophobic, and created many other scenarios in your head to label me as homophobic and bigoted. each time i have responded to you with thoughts to prove that what you have said is incorrect, you have either shut down and just called me homophobic or ignored me altogether. im not saying youre stupid; youre making that claim

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Anonymous #10 7w

this is a wild thread, what are you even saying they should have done differently? Obviously something was off putting to the person in some way, that’s why op is asking. But “no you’re the one with discomfort” doesn’t even make sense here

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Anonymous #10 7w

It IS awkward if it’s the very first thing you’re saying to someone. If someone came up to you and immediately asked if you’re gay, it would be very weird in most situations. For the same reason, it’s weird to just volunteer it immediately. I say this as a gay dude btw

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i just noticed the vibe got weird after them. i found out later that they felt i just dismissed them because i just said cool and moved on but idk i didnt know what to say lol

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Comment Deleted

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yes i later learned they felt dismissed. no i have not spoken to them. i have no means of contact with them other than through our mutual friend lol

1

Anonymous #10 6w

Ik it’s been 4 days, but can I say most people who have vendettas against the lgbtq+ community (that you may be introducing yourself to) will most likely know before you tell them. Your enemy will study your every move, the same way homophobes do with gay people. I think OP is trying to note that on introduction, sharing your sexuality may not be appropriate or even relevant. People mostly accept you based on the way you carry yourself, not on what you say about yourself.

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I know. I still don’t agree with the second part of what they said though. You can recognize something is true while not agreeing with another. It’s one thing to say “btw im gay. this is why this us important to me and I think you need to know” vs just straight up telling someone “im gay” and expecting some sort of reaction. I’d argue bc that’s a such a big part of your identity that someone random wouldn’t even know how to respond. Like genuinely how do you want people to respond to that?

4