why does UR BF shut down when UR the one who’s upset😭

115

i was in a relationship like this for a year and a half and this is emotional abuse. Hope this helps.

34

i was in a similar sitch for 9 months, it wasnt good, half of it was emotional abuse. i would def talk to him, maybe theres smth that is sitting with him thats hard to share, but if its not it might be a good idea to reconsider the relationship bc being resentful is never good

14

this was one of the main reason my 3-year relationship failed. we loved eachother, sure, but there was no communication or reciprocity

10

I was in a relationship like this, he would do things that triggered bad memories or habits that scared me. He always got upset at me and I felt I had to comfort him. Dump him. Mine was cheating

10

Nta that’s a whole ass red flag

9

Not at all

7

I used to be like this because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make her more upset somehow and redirect it towards me

7

This is what we call a baby

6

break up bc my ex was the same way and i am so free

6

I was like this once too. I was so worried about saying the wrong thing, I'd have a panic attack and my bf would have to look after me instead. I tried to block out these thoughts and focus on just being present with my bf. Idk what will help with you but for my bf, I'd just cuddle with him and say different things to help him feel better. If he didn't like a certain thing I said, he'd let me know later and I'd make a mental note to not use it again. This really helped me. Maybe it'Il help yall

5

When you get upset try not to scream, go away for a little, process, and then explain why you’re upset with him. Like spell it out

5

I’d say break up. If he can’t be there for him when you need him then it doesn’t seem like a good idea to stay together unless communication is involved and you can solve it

5

OMG i literally went through this for almost 4 years!! All im going to say is that you need to brave yourself. Never forget that you are NOT crazy and your feelings are completely valid. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but looking at it realistically, your relationship is bound to end one way or another. I would start looking into self improvement and prepare :( YOU GOT THIS QUEEN

5

i have never understood anything so deeply 😭

4

Unless you’re immediately taking your upset feelings out on him yelling, hitting, berating, belittling him, etc then there is no excuse for this it is a significant problem

3

So me and my bf broke up with this being one of the major reasons. A lot of it was him wanting to comfort me but not knowing how because of the way he was raised. His family didn’t really talk about feelings or problems, they just kinda moved on. Idk id just say talk to him, usually it’s a way you grew up kind of thing

3

we need to start a support group for this cause me too girl 😭😭

3

I just confronted my bf about this exact thing. Told him I didn’t feel happy in the relationship anymore because of it. Hopefully he gets it now

3

Avoidant attachment style. Instead of talking through issues they avoid them by shutting down, usually stems from childhood/earlier years where talking to parents about feelings was presented as weakness. I used to be the same, it takes hard work to overcome it, but yeah not the best idea to be in a relationship if you are that type of person.

3

I recently got out of a relationship where he would do exactly this. It’s categorized as a form of emotional abuse and it’s very subtle and puts you into the “savior role” where you are having to spend a lot of time and energy having to take care of him and make sure his emotions are in check, while simultaneously ignoring your own. Often a tactic that manipulators and people with narcissistic personality traits use on their partner.

2

what do you think girl

2

either he’s a dick or he has some past issues I’d ask about it

1

What was your boyfriend’s relationship with his parents like? And is he aware of this?

1

Have you talked to him about it?

1

Classic example of women dating boys… while wanting a man 🤷🏻‍♂️

1

Divorce imo

1

break up w him this is abuse

1