AITA on Sidechat | AITA if I cut out a friend with ADHD because she never texts me back? A couple days ago she texted me asking if I was okay bc I seemed kinda off when we hung out. So I told her about some stuff going on followed by no response. (Cont in comments)

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AITA 3d

AITA if I cut out a friend with ADHD because she never texts me back? A couple days ago she texted me asking if I was okay bc I seemed kinda off when we hung out. So I told her about some stuff going on followed by no response. (Cont in comments)

Anonymous 3d

a friend that u have an established relationship w? and ur saying u know that they're not meaning to hurt u but since u r anyway ur gonna cut them off? just trying to understand fully

Anonymous 3d

I know it’s hard for her to respond bc of her adhd but it really makes me feel like she doesn’t give a shit about me when she never responds to texts. We’ve talked about it before and she just says that she’ll try better but it still makes me feel like shit

Anonymous 2d

Maybe try calling about stuff instead, my friend has bad ADHD and we rarely text and respond to text hours apart but our calls and text are always genuine. Beyond the phone, being in person is what really speaks to a relationship, if you like being around them, does texting mean that much?

Anonymous 3d

Personally, I don’t think you would be the asshole. You have spoken with her about it. She said she would try better, and you have seen no improvement. Yes it really sucks because some of it she can’t help, but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your feelings too

Anonymous

OP 3d

I know it’s something that’s hard for her so idk if it’s fair for me to cut her out because of something out of her control

Anonymous

#2 3d

Yes but unfortunately they’re still hurting me even if they’re not trying. She responds to my texts literally like 5% of the time. She’ll text me and acts like she really cares and then once i respond I get absolutely nothing back

Anonymous

OP 3d

I mean this in the most respectful way possible (not trying to demonize neither you nor your friend), but I would like to ask do you not have other friends to talk about that stuff with? They, just like neurotypicals, might be busy; I feel like I’m giving the benefit of the doubt, but also I promise I’m not judging and not everyone is social the same way, but have you asked if anything is going on for her too or talked to other friends about your stuff?

Anonymous

slutty_anakin 3d

I promise my comment is just meant to clarify not to make it sound like OP is an asshole btw.

Anonymous

slutty_anakin 3d

Yes I have other friends and I also ask her about herself! Even then she doesn’t really respond LOL. It just feels kinda bad when she’ll start a conversation about something like personal and vulnerable and once I respond she just never responds

Anonymous

slutty_anakin 3d

And yea she can be busy (just like most people in the world lol) and I would understand even if she took a few days to respond sometimes. But like texting me and trying to catch up and then completely ghosting me just to start a new conversation and act like the last one never happened like a week or two later kinda makes me feel like I’m not important?

Anonymous

OP 3d

Like it feels like she texts me just to check off a box that she’s keeping up with me and maintaining the friendship, but then never have any meaningful conversation whatsoever

Anonymous

OP 3d

I know this sounds counterintuitive and again I’m not trying to make HER the victim, but have you tried calls and FaceTimes when you know she’s free / not with people? I have some friends who are god awful testers (would think it’s borderline guy ghosting levels) but sometimes it’s just from them being overwhelmed by how many texts (not even necessarily calls) from people to respond to

Anonymous

slutty_anakin 3d

Hm no I haven’t tried that! I’m not much of a caller so I never considered that (which sounds kinda silly lol) but honestly I think that might be the solution? Bc when we hang out and talk it’s great but we rarely ever see each other so it feels like we never talk. I’m gonna try to just call her more often, thank you!

Anonymous

OP 3d

Of course! I hope you guys are able to find a solution :) would hate for you guys to lose a connection over miscommunication

Anonymous

OP 3d

I’m a lot like your friend and sometimes my issue is that I’ll read a text but not be currently in a mindset where I can write a good response and say everything I want to say, so I tell myself I’ll sit down later and write a good response but then it’s becomes this big thing where it feels absolutely impossible to text them and like almost anything in the world would be easier than texting and it gets worse as time goes by because then I get scared that the person hates me.

Anonymous

#4 3d

And I do make a reminder to myself to text but the reminder gets me at a time where I’m in the middle of something and so I say I’ll do it later and I ignore the reminder enough times that I become blind to it. And it seems so easy to fix and I tell myself I’ll never let it get out of hand like this again but I always repeat my mistakes. I am trying to fix these problems though. I’m sure your friend feels either anxious or guilty or both about her texting habits.

Anonymous

OP 3d

I will say that being medicated really helps me. I am able to just actually write a response and send it and it doesn’t seem like an impossible task. I don’t know if your friend is medicated but that could help. But also, a lot of adhd people have the out of sight out of mind issue, even with people and things they do really care about. And that is why when they remember they might feel really really bad and try to compensate for it. But then they don’t carry through because… they forget😬

Anonymous

slutty_anakin 3d

I second this. Calling or meeting in person can be a better way of having quality conversations.