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AITA icon
AITA 1d
AITA for being pissed my bf was showing his friends our texts last night while we were fighting about something very personal? I understand talking about the situation, but letting them read in real time and allowing them to draft the response?!
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18
upvote 61 downvote
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Anonymous 1d

no. he could’ve summarized and asked what they thought without including all the personal stuff

upvote 42 downvote
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Anonymous 1d

My only hesitation is that women do this all the time and nobody questions it (as a woman saying this), but with the added context that it was about sex I would agree that that’s too personal, but I think it would be good to have a conversation about boundaries and specifically which topics are off limits to share with friends because people may have different perceptions and experiences with what is and isn’t acceptable

upvote 30 downvote
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Anonymous 1d

Depends what it was about

upvote 13 downvote
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Anonymous 1d

honestly NAH with this information. you are uncomfortable with him sharing SSs of your argument about sex with his friends, which is valid. he was trying to respond as best as he could, which is fine. now if you tell him that you don't want him sharing that anymore and he continues, he'll be TAH, but right now i think you guys just had different notions of boundaries

upvote 8 downvote
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Anonymous 22h

I think usually showing a confrontational text or argument isn’t necessarily an issue, but with the context given that it’s very personal, you’re not the AH. Granted, like you said, talking about the situation is fine, but showing a personal response you weren’t expecting an audience for is uncool. but contextual question: what was the convo about? You don’t have to be specific, but was it like health stuff, family stuff, relationship stuff? The context matters, even if it’s not make or break

upvote 8 downvote
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Anonymous 1d

“allowing them to draft the response” to me reads that he didn’t care enough to argue on his own behalf and he prioritized getting his hand held by his friends over your shared privacy

upvote 1 downvote
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Anonymous 23h

Um… to me this is a giant red flag. This feels dangerous to me. He betrayed your trust, made you look like the bad guy to friends, and didn’t even think for himself on the response?!?!? I hate to say this and maybe I sound dramatic but idk to me it’s giving signs of abuse - isolating you from friends, betrayal of trust, careless and thoughtless consideration of your privacy and emotions?? Girl I say run but I know that sounds crazy to a lot of ppl

upvote -1 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #1 1d

LITERALLY thank you

upvote 13 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #2 1d

sex

upvote 13 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 1d

Yea no definitely not okay

upvote 31 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> gralute 1d

i 100% agree!

upvote 6 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #5 1d

i highly doubt that's true; i've had friends help me respond to people because i've struggled to respond and didn't know how to (wouldn't) have the full conversation. i don't think help drafting responses is the bad part here - it's the severe miscommunication over what details are acceptable to share outside the relationship

upvote 9 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #3 23h

Women do the same thing all the time

upvote 3 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> OP 23h

☹️☹️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

upvote 1 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> gralute 23h

yea I definitely get that. I guess I was just under the impression we keep certain things private but we’ve never explicitly discussed that, so we’ll need to going forward

upvote 8 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #7 22h

I think you might have read into this based on your own experiences. At the very least, he’s not isolating her from friends. He told his own friends about the situation, not a mutual friend group. I uh, won’t touch the other stuff except to say that seeking out advice from friends when you’re fighting with a partner is pretty reasonable. I don’t think showing texts was a good move though. He should’ve been more considerate

upvote 1 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #9 22h

Oh good, I’m glad it wasn’t her own friends/mutual group. I still don’t like him sharing such vulnerable info with his friends and letting that impact their perception of her, but that’s not as bad. Luckily I haven’t experienced this but I have worked w people who have experienced intimate partner violence so I am on the look out for signs

upvote 4 downvote
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Anonymous replying to -> #11 19h

Relationship stuff and how frequency/expectations and specific acts are affecting our overall relationship. We’ve had some issues in the past, but neither of us have discussed it outside of our relationship. We’ve never explicitly set boundaries about this though so I can’t fault him for bringing it to friends. I do think he could’ve summarized instead of showing my texts since they were pretty emotional and obviously discussing my feelings about our sex life

upvote 5 downvote