AITA on Sidechat | AITA for bailing on plans with my friends continuously. After graduating college, all of my friends stayed in the same city and started jobs, but I moved 8 hours for grad school. I understand that life rolls on, but I don’t feel like part of the group

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AITA 1d

AITA for bailing on plans with my friends continuously. After graduating college, all of my friends stayed in the same city and started jobs, but I moved 8 hours for grad school. I understand that life rolls on, but I don’t feel like part of the group

Anonymous 1d

Wait I’m typing up context rn

Anonymous 1d

not sure it’s bailing if you’re 8 hours away lol

Anonymous 1d

One of my closest friends is living in a whole different state for grad school. We don't expect them to travel often to see us or get upset if we invite them to come down and visit and they can't. And when they're home for breaks? We prioritize their time because they're the one who's been isolated. It's not their fault they want to persue their passion. And when we can, we try to go to then. Instead of going to the closer Ren Faire this year, we're going to the one in Wisconsin so they can go-

Anonymous 1d

For context, my hometown is 1.5 hours from where they live. They all work 9-5 and I like to be home by 10pm and I’m not available on weekends since I help my grandparents out. Personally, I don’t think it’s fair that one of us should drive that time just to hang out for 2-3 hours on a regular basis. Recently, I denied an invite to birthday plans because I’d have to drive 3+ hours the day before moving out of state. During my send off dinner, 4/7 of them aired their grievances that I have

Anonymous

OP 1d

“Left them behind” and they feel like I haven’t seen them. Last summer, we planned concerts and beach trips in late June/early July but I bailed out in April when I found out I was selected for an internship. This summer, I’m moving 12 hours away with my fiance to start a new job, which was also a part of their speech since I didnt tell the group chat and instead simply posted a photo of my ring on my private story

Anonymous

OP 1d

I guess I just feel unfairly judged because they have always expected me to visit them in the city but never offered to come to my hometown or really replied when I’d mention something I’m interested in. I do feel bad for choosing my career over friends, but if I’d have pushed back my start date to go swimming… I don’t think it’d have been worth it for a few hours of fun (idk how to swim)

Anonymous

OP 1d

i mean i can understand being a bit upset your friend who is seeming to grow apart from you didn’t say anything about her engagement before it just become public info. but the other bit, that’s unfortunately just what happens to a lot of friendships. they fade

Anonymous

#1 1d

That’s how I feel. I get it and I came to terms with it two years ago when I moved, but I guess it just feels shitty that a more permanent move feels like we’re parting on bad terms. I’m overthinking it too because I want a quick courthouse wedding just to get that part over with, and I’m afraid it’ll make things worse if I don’t invite or don’t do a ‘real’ wedding with more notice for everyone

Anonymous

#2 1d

With us and not travel 8+ hours. If your friends cared, they'd want you to choose your career. I mean I think of it like this: how can we go out and have fun if we don't have money?