Anonymous #3 3w

In New York State, where the incident took place, indecent exposure is not actually considered a sexual crime (as naked bodies are not inherently sexual), and thus does not meet their legal threshold for sexual harassment. They’re usually simple violation with a fine and possibly limited jail time (less than 30 days). But since he was in his home, and the only way she could see him was by being on his property and couldn’t be seen from public space, it doesn’t constitute a crime. Posting it is

121

Anonymous #3 3w

I’m upvoting you shawty cuz that guy was weird regardless of what she did after that night

40

Anonymous #4 3w

Yeah regardless of his intent or the legality of the situation I’d DEFINITELY be reevaluating my relationship with alcohol if I were him at the very least. Drinking so much you pass out, overreacting to being hot or wanting to loosen up by taking too much off while drunk, even a door not latching right when you close it can all happen. But being too plastered to do anything about them all happening at once (at best) would be a great sign to take several steps back cause wtf are we doing??

13

Anonymous OP 3w

Saying “at best” cause we don’t know his intent, if it was an accident or intentional given he was in his own house and drunk people getting naked at home isn’t uncommon. But putting yourself in danger like that because of your drinking (both the door and level of inebriation) means there’s bigger issues regardless.

24

Anonymous #2 3w

Tldr, some chick doing door dash didn’t follow the instructions she was given to leave the food on the porch and opened the front door only to find a guy sleeping on his couch with his junk out then recorded it and claimed she was SA’d

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Anonymous #3 3w

She literally admitted to opening the door

27

Anonymous #3 3w

no way you sleep naked with your door open after ordering food with no malicious intent

-8

Anonymous #6 3w

If he had malicious intent he wouldn’t have left special instructions SPECIFICALLY SAYING NOT to open the door.

27

Anonymous #7 3w

then why LEAVE IT OPEN

-6

Anonymous #6 3w

Some people just leave the door unlocked. Simple as that

18

Anonymous #7 3w

which is fucking weird when u are naked and ask people to leave things at your door?

-5

Anonymous #6 3w

Again, this would be a very different story if the instructions were to enter the household. In that case you would have a strong argument for malicious intent, and the man could even be charged with indecent exposure. But as you said yourself, he told her to leave it at the door, which she failed to do

19

Anonymous #7 3w

seeing just a branch of the tree instead of the forest, the only reason he didn’t is bc indecent exposure is muddy in NY

-6

Anonymous #7 3w

she also didn’t enter the home???

-1

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

No she didn’t. Internet runs wild with theories, this “original video” where she says she did literally doesn’t exist. But that doesn’t entirely matter, it’s only speculation, but what isn’t is she 100% filmed him, and she 100% posted it, which is 100% a crime, both of which she was charged with (she’s about to go to court actually)

22

Anonymous #1 3w

she only posted it bc she told doordash she was uncomfortable and they kicked her off the app. Was it the best decision to post it? no. Do i support the decision? not really. But there is a logical, creepy reason for him to be naked, ask someone to drop food off at his door and leave it cracked. There’s no reason for her to post herself “invading”someone’s private space unless she felt really uncomfortable.

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Anonymous #6 3w

It doesn’t matter why she posted it, she still took footage of someone without their consent on their private property and posted it to social media (that she made money off of) without their consent. That is illegal. You are not allowed to commit a crime because you felt uncomfortable. DoorDash only kicked her off AFTER she posted the footage. She was kicked off due to filming a customer. He was removed too, for the record

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Anonymous #6 3w

If the gender roles were flipped would it still be ok? If instead it was a drunk girl who specifically instructed to leave the food at the door but forgot to lock it, got recorded of her body and then got her body posted on the internet by a dude would you still defend the other side?

14

Anonymous #8 3w

^this, also I’ve literally never had a DoorDash driver try opening my door and I have specific instructions not to enter. So yeah, wild to pass out naked on the couch, but also to enter someone’s house without an extremely good reason

13

Anonymous #6 3w

The fact of the matter is he was in his own house with his door closed, she opened the door and saw him not even conscious without clothes on, and posted the video. He could’ve been fucked up and ordered DoorDash drunk, could’ve been drugged by someone, could’ve been a medical issue. There’s actually plenty of reasons that don’t suggest this guy being a creepy rapist- considering he was inside his own home and didn’t tell anyone to come inside. This is exactly why victim blaming ain’t great😭

11

Anonymous #12 3w

He had left like the glass door closed but the main door had been left open. He could have just passed out but it’s not a wild assumption to say he also could have done it on purpose. Posting the video was 100% a crime, but I can understand why she’d film since she did genuinely seem to feel like she’d been sexually harassed and people don’t tend to believe women

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Anonymous #6 3w

You’re saying this assuming he left the door open on purpose. Which to be fair COULD be the case. (Dudes creeping on female food deliverers isn’t unheard of.) But it just as easily could have been an accident. Drunk people aren’t known for their critical thinking or coordination. He may have been too drunk to lock/fully close the door. Or it didn’t latch (I’ve had that problem) and opened on its own and passed out before noticing. That’s just as possible.

8

Anonymous #6 3w

I’m not faulting the deliverer for feeling “uncomfortable” (shocked, horrified, threatened) regardless of if the door was open already or she opened it. Can’t even fault her filming for that reason or flagging DoorDash. But posting the video ONLINE and doxxing him IS a crime and something she should not have done. And she did that in less than 3 days even before she’d heard from DoorDash. The guy’s intent or what happened to him is up for debate but her actions here aren’t.

10

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

Oh my god?????

1

Anonymous #14 3w

I just find it interesting how when a woman gets severely drunk, she’s blamed for everything that potentially happens to her (think harassment or roofies or rape)…. But when a man gets severely drunk, he’s the victim for getting too wasted. Just interesting.

3

Anonymous #14 3w

Idk what stories you’ve heard, but when a dude gets wasted he is the one often making the poor decisions. Never heard of the culture giving drunk men a pass on their actions

12

Anonymous #14 3w

I’ve seen MUCH more pushback against blaming drunk women as I’ve gotten older, which is good. If roles were reversed people would be universally upset about the recording/posting and a lot of people would be defending the woman against the “well why’d she get so drunk” accusations. It wouldn’t be everyone but the blame wouldn’t be universal either. That said, there does need to be focus on this guy’s reckless (at best) behavior that isn’t happening. No one should be drinking that much.

2

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

She didn’t open the door the front door was already open. The storm door was obviously shut but she can see through the storm door since it’s clear.

17

Anonymous #13 3w

“Never heard of the culture giving drunk men a pass on their actions” Do U Live Under A Rock LMFAO

-1

Anonymous #14 3w

You clearly do cause if a woman and a man are both equally drunk and hook up, the man is automatically considered the bad guy in the situation even though from a legal standpoint neither person could consent.

12

Anonymous #11 3w

That is not a fact of the matter. We do not know whether the door was open or closed, it is pure speculation. The fact is she filmed him and posted it, and was charged.

6

Anonymous #2 3w

That’s not what happened there is AI generated videos online showing that’s what happened but what #15 says is what actually happened. Additionally being in your own home isn’t enough to protect you. I think in his state it didn’t qualify as indecent exposure but people are absolutely convicted and put on the sex registry for being naked in plain view from the public through windows I’m not saying what happened but people don’t realize that this isn’t the black and white case they claim it is

10

Anonymous #12 3w

She literally made a video saying that she opened it up and that tiktok took it down because of the content of the video.

4

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

Then pull it up. Nothing can ever be erased from the internet. If it was real people would have saved it, reposted it, sent it to each other privately, posted it on Reddit, Instagram, etc, we’d have it. Where’s the original video then? (Hint: it doesn’t exist. This was a rumor spread on the internet to increase fighting around the issue and engagement bait)

18

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

There have also been tons of deepfake videos produced of her saying things she never said. Those accounts have since been shut down by TikTok. Tons of bots posting they saw the video and then unable to produce it

1

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

You CANNOT be for real…. This is a COLLEGE app. This is a COLLEGE app. “He was just drunk” is one of the MOST COMMON excuses on earth for college men’s poor behavior. Meanwhile women get “why did you drink so much if you didn’t want to get roofied?” Get your head out of your ass.

6

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

“11 out of the 16 studies that included intoxication level found that intoxicated victims are blamed more often than sober victims for rape, and there is a linear increase in victim blame with the level of victim intoxication. Additionally, the more drunk the perpetrator, the more participants excused their behavior.” And, considering that a majority of SAs on campus are committed by men, I would argue that men DO get excuses for their drunk behaviors, while women don’t.

3

Anonymous #13 3w

“11 out of the 16 studies that included intoxication level found that intoxicated victims are blamed more often than sober victims for rape … the more drunk the perpetrator, the more participants excused their behavior.” “Attributions of responsibility to female victims in sexual assault scenarios are affected by whether or not alcohol was consumed by a victim and/or perpetrator. Victims often receive higher levels of blame if they consume alcohol prior to the assault.”

3

Anonymous #13 3w

So statistics show that, despite men being more likely than women to become violent when drunk, men’s drunk actions are more often excused than women’s drunk actions. Let’s not play dumb here. We’re all in college. We all know about victim blaming. Let’s not be purposefully dense.

3

Anonymous #14 3w

The risk of being a victim when women get drunk is considerably higher than that of a man. The biggest danger to a drunk man is usually himself. If you are aware of the dangers and evil in the world and choose to make yourself vulnerable there is a level of responsibility you must retain. The blame on women isn’t saying they’re the problem, it’s the opposite, saying we know shitty men exist so why take the chance?

-1

Anonymous #14 3w

Victim blaming is now a stigmatized term used to excuse lack of critical thinking and accountability. There is a level of blame that can be attributed to victim (Depending on the situation) when they put themselves in compromising situations. Unless someone is forcing alcohol down your throat, being drunk is one of the stupidest things humans do and then try to deny any shred of fault when something bad happens to them. Get drunk in safe spaces, not in the most dangerous ones🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

-2

Anonymous #13 3w

To be fair women in those situations don’t go into it intentionally PLANNING to be vulnerable. On their part it’s usually an accident and people are most often assaulted by someone they know. So it’s more a situation where outside factors contribute to their inebriation unexpectedly and then they’re taken advantage of by someone they trusted (or at least shouldn’t have had to be mistrustful of/afraid of). They aren’t TRYING to “take the chance.” An opportunist finds one.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

That’s why I said depending on the situation. If you’re taken advantage by someone you trust then there is no blame on your end. #14 specifically mentioned SA and cases on campus, which includes parties. You don’t have to plan to be vulnerable tho, negligence sometimes allows vulnerability to be overlooked. Also just don’t get drunk and go to parties where it’s mostly strangers😭 That’s just a bad idea regardless

-1

Anonymous #13 3w

Sure. And I agree being precautious IS important, but that and learning things to do differently from your or another’s experience ≠ “it’s at least a little your fault this happened and you need to take some responsibility.” That last mindset is a problem. Usually victims are already blaming themselves for the situation, beating themselves up for what they should have done to the point it obfuscates the real issue—the perpetrator who took advantage. Negligence is human. Being a predator isn’t.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

Humans are inherently Flawed, and evil exists in all of us. I believe the perpetrator should reap the consequences of his actions 1000% of the time. BUT, “it’s at least a little your fault this happened” is still accurate depending on the situation. They can’t really “take responsibility “ as they were already wrong, But they can absolutely learn and be cautious not to put themselves in the same situation if they can help it.

1

Anonymous #13 3w

There also seems to be a misunderstanding on how assault happens here. 14 mentioned alcohol but rarely is SA a situation where a woman is getting shit faced at a campus party with random strangers or at a bar. It’s a classmate, friend, or partner betraying her trust in a moment where she shouldn’t need to be on edge to begin with. Sometimes that involves black out levels of alcohol but usually not. So I agree pace yourself but I wouldn’t hyper focus on that or conflate it with most SA.

1

Anonymous #13 3w

See I don’t think that is accurate. The issue is the word “fault.” It implies YOU’RE responsible for the bad thing someone else CHOSE to do. Even though there are situations where you can learn from an incident and act differently next time, they aren’t to blame for what happened the way “your fault” implies. Maybe it’s semantics but that’s where the disconnect is.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

Like if someone bullies you because of your jacket, you wouldn’t respond to that by saying “it’s a little bit your fault you got bullied because you wore a jacket you know the bully doesn’t like.”

1

Anonymous OP 3w

It’s semantics to a degree. I mean if you jump into a lions den to grab a ball you dropped and get torn to shreds. You are not at fault as to why you died, but you very much so put yourself in that situation. In our case, we don’t expect to die every-time we get drunk, but are very aware of predators, drunk idiots, and evil in the world. We accept a higher risk to those things when we get inebriated. Evil aside, getting drunk is just stupid, which you pointed out in the first post

1

Anonymous OP 3w

That’s a very good point, but if we are being objective there is still a bit of blame there. In any non human system, it’s accepted that things put you at a disadvantage and make you vulnerable even if it’s not inherently bad. If you know you will get bullied, as time after time shows, literally wear the jacket less or be prepared to fight back. Bullying is also way more dynamic and focused on a lack of confidence to fight back than being drunk as many times you can’t fight back

1

Anonymous #13 3w

Yeah I agree no one should intentionally put themselves in a situation getting black out alone with strangers. The issue is the mindset of this hyper-specific, fairly uncommon situation is ALSO applied to much, much more common situations of a woman being around someone she has reason to trust and being taken advantage of. If she’s at a friend’s or with her boyfriend, accidentally drank while dehydrated people make the same “well why were you drinking that much” comment to 14’s point.

1

Anonymous OP 3w

A strong belief of mine is if you get drunk you have done something stupid (like loss of motor functions, belligerent, or black out drunk) but if you are done wrong by someone you trust and love you were at 0 fault still. The only thing I could say is maybe you could’ve fought back more effectively, but that’s technicalities, not a source of fault. On this we prob agree well

1

Anonymous OP 3w

Some people you should be allowed to vulnerable around

1

Anonymous #13 3w

I don’t agree with the word choice because it has other implications even if I agree about avoiding certain situations. The big issue is using those words to put more focus on what the victim did wrong to “deserve” the assault (which the focus can imply even if unintended) than on the person who intentionally perpetrated it. Victims are normally already beating themselves up going over what they should’ve done differently. So telling them “they’re a little at fault” isn’t actually helpful.

5

Anonymous #13 3w

Also yeah I agree with your last 2 comments. The big issue is there are so many different ways to be SA-ed and such a variety of responses any universal comments about responsibility and fault can be misused into legit victim blaming or indirectly justifying the assaulter’s behavior. Then add in involuntary panic responses, shame, guilt, depression, and trauma, words that are intended neutrally can end up being MUCH more loaded or triggering. (General statement, not just you.) Shit sucks.

1

Anonymous #13 3w

Me: *makes a valid point using statistics and data* You, for some reason, while completely ignoring my central point: victim blaming is GOOD actually !!!!

4

Anonymous OP 3w

Deserve was nowhere in the intentions of my message and if it came off like that then let me clarify. Nobody deserves to be done wrong. I could walk out with a fat stack in my pocket in the hood, I don’t “deserve” to get robbed. But deserved is irrelevant to what happens. If the goal is to minimize victims in the world, hard conversations on Better choices, critical thinking, and keeping a clear mind need to be had as often as possible in my opinion

1

Anonymous #13 3w

I know that wasn’t your intent. That was my point on semantics. “Fault/responsibility” can imply other things that aren’t intended during sensitive times when someone’s already beating themselves up. But yeah being proactive preparing potential victims AND talking to potential perpetrators or calling out ppl who’ve shown tendencies b4 escalation is important. We do the 1st & should continue. Just do it BEFORE the incident, not after. They already know. It’s just throwing salt on the wound.

1

Anonymous #14 3w

Funny how you did the same thing you are accusing me of doing. Completely avoids my central point and while at that you alter my claim to make it seem more extreme. Classic straw man fallacy, nice😁

1

Anonymous OP 3w

No quarrels there. Wish 14 had the conversational manners as you, cuz now she coming at me with a vengeance😭

1

Anonymous #13 3w

Well she’s coming at you like that because of the semantic issue I was pointing out and the “well this is what you should’ve done” focus for AFTER the fact. Because of how people have intentionally victim blamed, dismissed/downplayed the assaulter’s actions, or oversimplified the different situations it can happen in it’s a very sensitive subject so how things are phrased matters a LOT. In this case some of that phrasing came off differently than you may have meant. 😬

1

Anonymous #13 3w

You realize that women being drunk isn’t the problem right? What are these women at risk of? Being assaulted? By whom? The biggest danger of a drunk man is himself and the biggest danger to a drunk woman is men… don’t do stupid things like get wasted and walk through a bad part of town but let’s not avoid placing blame on the actual perpetrators here especially when the majority of assaults happen at the hands of someone trusted

1

Anonymous #14 3w

Me: *Sitting here reading this great conversation that two people are having* You: *Being the most annoying and arrogant fucker here by straw-manning 13s point to absurdity*

1

Anonymous orange_hourglass91 3w

Yikes! Looks like somebody doesn’t know what a straw man is😬

1

Anonymous #12 3w

So again, we agree that evil and bad men exist. You can’t “educate” the bad behavior out of them. Either they need to be persecuted or dealt with by the community to eliminate that threat. But what we can do is educate potential victims and reduce their risk. The blame on the perpetrators are always inherent. They are obvious and if we are not talking about locking them up or beating the shit out of them then we can talk about giving them less success. And again, being drunk is generally stupid

1