Anonymous OP 2w

(We often hang out in each other's room together). I said that I was just about to go wash it but I needed to put a pad on. As I was bringing the cushion to my bathroom to treat, he said that I should really keep track of this stuff. Except I can't. I recently started hrt so my periods are kinda irregular while my testosterone levels rise. I told him that and he just shrugged. I feel like I'm right to have cleaned myself up first but he made such a big deal out of it so idk.

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Anonymous #1 2w

He is TA through and through

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Anonymous #3 2w

like hes just rude as hell for this bc yk damn well that if you DID prioritize the cushion & you were cleaning it when he walked in but you hadnt changed yet, he would still be on some bullshit like "so youre still just freebleeding all over the place?😬" like i feel like theres just no winning. any solution would upset him with his line of thinking

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Anonymous #6 2w

Like what do you think

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Anonymous #6 2w

It requires calories technically, but you can use your brain for free.

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Anonymous #6 2w

god forbid someone asks for reassurance, damn

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Anonymous #2 2w

Hook, line, and sinker

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Anonymous #4 2w

I mean I am a guy, I'm just Trans. And unfortunately I'm in a more rural area where not everyone wants to live with a trans person.

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Anonymous #8 1w

#8 is the asshole. Fighting fire with fire just fuels the flames in this scenario. Just bring it up at a later conversation after everybody’s calmed down, then explain the situation again. He probably just sees “my roommate got her bodily fluids (which could have diseases transmitted by blood) and my stuff got ruined and she only cared about herself. Obvi not the situation, so explain it when he’s calm.

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Anonymous #9 1w

So actually his opinions on the matter actually hold no relevance to an accident that not only didn't affect him but she was also clearly embarrassed about already!

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Anonymous #1 1w

His opinions DO matter. He thinks it’s gross and it could potentially infect him with something, and it could potentially ruin his stuff too. He’s involved by default of the living situation, so yeah, his opinion does matter. He SHOULD have handled it better for sure. But then again, we’ve all blown up over something small. Just talk it out later and maybe educate him on some things.

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Anonymous #9 1w

If a guy accidentally pissed himself or came on your seat cushion, you’d probably be pretty mad too. We all would.

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Anonymous #9 1w

it wasn't the roomates seat cushion tho. it was op's room, none of the roomate's stuff was in there and he wouldn't get infected if he just stayed away from it

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Anonymous #9 1w

I feel like you didn't actually comprehend what OP said in the post..

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Anonymous #2 1w

That’s fine & that’s fair. And we both agree that he should have handled it better. But that doesn’t make him the asshole automatically. And just because he doesn’t have a period doesn’t make his opinion invalid, it just means his opinion is likely misinformed or uninformed.

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Anonymous #9 1w

I feel like him calling it disgusting and assuming that op was free bleeding and telling him how to handle his period makes the roomate a bit of an asshole, but that's just a perspective thing

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Anonymous #1 1w

I feel like you’re using “men are ignorant to periods” to do & say whatever you want. You’ve never blown up about something small? You’ve never been mean or upset about something you’re ignorant to? You’re looking at this from one side of the lens only. Where did OP say he shamed her? He just told her she prioritized the wrong thing (& I don’t agree with him there). But OP did not say he was TRYING to embarrass her or even that she was embarrassed.

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Anonymous #2 1w

It makes him wrong in the situation for sure, but I don’t agree that he’s the asshole. He doesn’t know how they work except for the basics. He could’ve had a bad day, it could be that this has happened before, it could be that he’s really mad about other stuff and this just set him off, ect. But that doesn’t AUTOMATICALLY make him the asshole.

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Anonymous #9 1w

Basically I’m saying that I agree with you on the perspective part, so let’s understand his, educate him on your side, and we good.

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Anonymous #2 1w

I’m not “defending the guy” here, I agree that he was wrong. But to call him the asshole or to say “men are ignorant to periods” without understanding why he blew up over an accident is contradictory. Maybe he truly was the asshole, but with the information given, I wouldn’t say that automatically.

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Anonymous #9 1w

Because he IS ignorant. Who goes up to someone and gets disgusted because they had an accident and the first thing wasn't "Are you okay? Do you need any help"

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Anonymous #9 1w

And instead JUDGED op, expressed disgust and immediately shamed op for it

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Anonymous #1 1w

You don’t get the point. We have all lashed out at somebody unreasonably before. If it’s my accident, it’s my mess to clean up. I should not expect my roommate to help clean up my mess. If my roommate chooses to help, that should be a positive surprise, not an expectation. If he chooses not to help because he finds period blood to be disgusting, that’s valid too. That’s his preference and he has every right to voice it.

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Anonymous #9 1w

OP did NOT say that he shamed her and OP did NOT say that he judged her. She only said that he called it disgusting and that she should have cleaned the cushion first. You can agree or disagree with the roommate, but that in it of itself, does not make someone an asshole. I would argue that not considering his thoughts/feelings on the situation and automatically making him the bad guy would make YOU the asshole.

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Anonymous #9 1w

And to be clear (AGAIN) I don’t think OP is the asshole. The fact that she posed the question tells me that she IS considering his thoughts/opinions on the issue.

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Anonymous #9 1w

that doesn't mean lashing out isn't an asshole thing to do. sure, he can voice that he finds it disgusting, but that doesn't mean he should because that's just a rude thing to say in that situation. idk if you're a man and feel attacked by people calling the roommate an asshole bc it's a reaction you might've had, but from a woman's perspective it's really hurtful. leaking on your period is embarrassing and frustrating enough without someone coming into your space and insulting you

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Anonymous #2 1w

Have you ever lashed out at someone for something small or unreasonable? Would you call yourself an asshole for it? I don’t think so, because you probably felt valid in the situation. And later when you found out you were wrong, you probably felt stupid. And that’s natural. And that’s ok. Now if this was consistent behavior, intentionally demeaning, etc. I would agree that he is TA. I’m just saying that this one isolated event is a situation we have all caused ourselves.

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Anonymous #9 1w

And I would not call somebody an asshole for doing a normal human being thing on its own. I might call them wrong, unreasonable, etc. but without more information I would not call him an asshole.

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Anonymous #9 1w

yeah I would call myelf an asshole in that moment. it's an asshole thing to do to lash out at someone for something small. just bc a lot of people do it doesn't mean it's an okay thing to do and it's something that damages your relationship with the person you lash out at

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Anonymous #2 1w

Well I also agree that it’s wrong to lash out at somebody, make assumptions, blow up over something small, etc. but I wouldn’t call you the asshole for it. If you think it’s an asshole thing, that’s your opinion which is also valid. I also agree that it damages the relationship but if neither of you are the asshole, we can work through that. But you won’t know until you talk about it after everybody cools off

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Anonymous #1 1w

I feel like you are taking one side of this story, assuming details that weren’t stated, judging him based off of that, then acting like he’s a villain, then pushing OP to your believe in your thoughts. Not much different than politicians. I have stated several times, I don’t think OP is the asshole, and I do think the guy COULD be the asshole. But before we jump to conclusions OP should talk to him and find out why he lashed out, his side of the story, etc. we don’t even know if he (next)

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Anonymous #9 1w

Apologized later or doubled down on it. We don’t know if he always lashes out or if he’s usually calm and collected. We don’t know all of the small details that may have led to this point. I do comprehend what OP is saying, and I think OP should get his perspective and share hers, and see how he reacts before jumping to conclusions.

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Anonymous #9 1w

Not to derail the convo but I wanna clarify that I'm a Trans guy, i don't use she or her 🕺

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Anonymous OP 1w

My bad, no disrespect meant just kinda habit. I think I used OP/roommate mostly but I might’ve slipped up

1