Ask Anything on Sidechat | Am I dumb for giving a guy a second chance… we talked for a week, hung out, planned a date and then he ghosted me. He added me back today, we talked, he said he got scared. No other girls (supposedly), swears up and down. Am I dumb?

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Ask Anything 1d

Am I dumb for giving a guy a second chance… we talked for a week, hung out, planned a date and then he ghosted me. He added me back today, we talked, he said he got scared. No other girls (supposedly), swears up and down. Am I dumb?

Anonymous 1d

Yes this would be very naive. You barely know him leave him while you have your emotions intact. Also a grown man planning a date then ghosting bc he got “scared” is sooooo babyfied.

Anonymous 1d

We FaceTimed, and talked about the whole thing, he says he swears he’s done running and wants to actually talk and see where we go…

Anonymous 1d

If I don’t forget about this thread I will give an update later. I sent him a boundaries list and told him I’m taking communicating seriously and “dating” seriously. And if he was serious about me he would respect the boundaries. He agreed and respected them, saying he won’t make a move unless I do. I shall keep you guys posted. Thank you for the advice!

Anonymous 1d

Well of course he’s going to swear up and down. Toxic men use this sort of thing as a test to see what they can get away with. He sounds super immature, I personally would not be giving him a second chance I would have kicked him to the curb 🤣 you can find a man that isn’t toxic out there

Anonymous 1d

Sometimes guys are just super anxious. I’m not justifying his behavior, if so he should probably figure his shit out. But it isn’t necessary a red flag imo. You don’t owe him anything, but I think it might be worth giving him a shot if you think there might be a chance of something.

Anonymous

#1 1d

Yeah… I’m not nearly as interested as before, but he seemed sincere (final last words) so I’m think I’m willing to give him one last chance. I ripped him a new one in my criteria so we will see if he is consistent… but my emotions are definitely not hopeful. My walls will stay up.

Anonymous

OP 1d

I just don’t know why you’d even be interested after he did you like that but if that’s what you will tolerate🩷

Anonymous

#1 1d

Yeah… it sounds awful, but I’m more just doing it for the plot because I don’t see him actually wanting to be consistent. After our conversation he opened up about how he was cheated on and emotional manipulated and what not. So I guess that’s why I’m evening allowing a second chance. But my rules are very firm, and if he breaks them I’m not giving him another chance.

Anonymous

OP 1d

He is giving me the ick through this comment girl

Anonymous

#1 1d

Ughhhh I know 😭 the more I think about it the more I’m like idk if I’m willing to move past it. It just sucks because he literally checked all my boxes and then fricken ghosted me. But came back with like a long ass paragraph apologizing and saying he was immature and selfish and wrong and would want another chance if I allowed.

Anonymous

#2 1d

Yeah… he ghosted me about a week ago and added me back today and when we talked he said he couldn’t stop thinking about what he did and self sabotaging and how he regretted it and was just scared. I’m sending him a list of boundaries that are, if you’re serious about me, as a person, and about where this could go. You will respect these boundaries.

Anonymous

#2 1d

I’m sorry but how is a man planning a date with a woman, letting her get ready and plan her day around it, then not even texting to say never mind, not a red flag?

Anonymous

#1 1d

Because he could’ve had a world shattering anxiety attack. It’s happened to me a couple times and I feel terrible about it. Trauma has hands. I do not see that as a moral failing. I try to choose empathy, you know, until I’m proved wrong.

Anonymous

#2 1d

And he could’ve communicated that ? He’s a dick. Regardless of “trauma”. He didn’t have empathy for wasting her time. Also funny he didn’t have any anxiety hanging out with her before- just an actual date. Right..

Anonymous

#1 1d

Luckily, the date was planned for 7 pm and he unadded me that morning so thankfully I didn’t have to get unready. But the whole thing did screw with me and is making my VERY hesitant to pursue anything.

Anonymous

OP 1d

Girl he’s a dick. There’s millions of other men. Don’t create or accept excuses for men’s poor behavior ever.

Anonymous

#1 1d

I genuinely hope you never have to feel actual crippling anxiety. I hope you never have to see opportunities slipping through your fingers with you being able to do nothing about it. But if you do you might be a little kinder.

Anonymous

#2 1d

“With nothing you can do about it”💀🙏

Anonymous

OP 1d

Damn looks like he’s gotta figure his shit out.

Anonymous

#2 1d

Let’s be so deadass and learn accountability. Anxiety or not- ghosting is bullshit. Especially in the situation where you’ve already hung out but a date is too much? Pls.

Anonymous

#1 1d

I think you are a remarkably cruel and naive person.

Anonymous

#2 1d

I think you make excuses instead of holding yourself and others accountable!

Anonymous

#1 1d

Haha thank you, I’m taking your advice to heart I swear.

Anonymous

OP 18h

I had a panic attack the first time my gf tried to get with me and was ready to kill my self from embarrassment but she was sweet and understanding and it’s a strong relationship now. Your situation is yours to handle, #1 sounds bitter asf I’d take her advice with a grain of salt

Anonymous

#4 17h

I can see both perspectives, I understand both sides so I’m listening to both. But I thank each of you for putting in your two sense :)

Anonymous

#1 10h

girl don’t listen to the other commenters everything you’re saying is 100% how i see it too, coming from someone who’s been played like a damn fiddle by men in the past.