If I smoke and I hate that I smoke and struggle to quit, I’m not also searching out a partner who smokes. I am trying to find a partner that makes me want to be a better version of myself and that means not smoking

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There are plenty of reasons for this — many people want partners to have traits that they don’t have. For example, a man might also find it unattractive is a woman is ambitious, or crass. A woman might find men who communicate indirectly to be frustrating. Sometimes it’s gender roles, sometimes it’s projection, and sometimes it’s merely incompatibility.

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I’m going to say the answer that most men immediately think of consciously or subconsciously whether they want to admit it or not. Here’s the truth. Women get pregnant. We don’t. We don’t reproduce and we want you to be as healthy as possible for when you do and not destroying your uterus just so you can get high or have a buzz. I know that’s controversial but that’s the real, serious, psychological answer. Most of us want to reproduce, women are the actual ones who do.

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