Ask Anything on Sidechat | I am heavily Christian. I met a girl that is poly. We both like each other but values conflict (not dating. We both trust each other. She wants to go all the way but I can’t do that because I am saving it for my wife. What should I do about the situation?

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Ask Anything 2w

I am heavily Christian. I met a girl that is poly. We both like each other but values conflict (not dating. We both trust each other. She wants to go all the way but I can’t do that because I am saving it for my wife. What should I do about the situation?

Anonymous 2w

if you're saving it for marriage then there's not really much room to compromise, is there? like that's just the end of the road there.

Anonymous 2w

I’d leave lil thug

Anonymous 2w

what exactly are you asking?

Anonymous 2w

Tell her you’re flattered but have your own code and see if you can be friends without the potential fir intimacy

Anonymous 2w

In my opinion, the best thing to do is just be honest about your intentions. Your values conflict so you don’t want to date, tell her. You want to save yourself for your wife, tell her. Being communicative is the best thing to do in a situation like this! Mae sure to always keep an open line of communication; reestablishing boundaries might be needed on both sides, and friendships can be ruined from dishonesty

Anonymous 2w

Ask God for clarity. You’re unequally yoked so it’s very unlikely to work.

Anonymous

#2 2w

Unequally yoked, cut the flesh from your heart my man

Anonymous

#4 2w

She sees love as a spectrum, I am dualistic. I am scared that she will feel used if I do that due to her perspective on love.

Anonymous

#5 2w

I agree but I am unsure where to even take the friendship because of her spectrum perspective on love.

Anonymous

OP 2w

If love is a spectrum, then surely there’s a place for your relationship, even if the feelings aren’t purely platonic! What would she say if you were ace, for example, and similarly disinclined to have sex?

Anonymous

#2 2w

Should we follow Jesus in our pursuit? Should we dine with sinners? Paul stated that we shouldn’t due to temptation but where does that leave me and her? She is respectful of my boundaries. Can we still be friends or should I not attempt it?

Anonymous

#4 2w

That she will respect that boundary and, even though she wishes for it to go further, she completely understands.

Anonymous

OP 2w

We already agreed to not have sex.

Anonymous

#3 2w

I agree that it is the end of the road romantically. Should I attempt a friendship despite the circumstances?

Anonymous

#5 2w

I will pray on it though

Anonymous

OP 2w

Idk if you guys already have some sort of romantic feelings it would be pretty hard to ignore those and just be friends. I feel like she may say she understands but at some point I think she might try to push your boundaries hoping you’ll cave

Anonymous

#5 2w

It is the beginning stages of romance. It is my belief that she sees sex as a way to express love. I agree that I do have to be careful if I decide to still do things as friends. I don’t think that she would push though. ATM, I am just trying to get the opinions of peers. I haven’t decided anything yet.

Anonymous

OP 2w

Then from where I am it seems like the situation is handled. I feel like I’m missing something, but your relationship is intact and so are your boundaries. It seems good from here??

Anonymous

#4 2w

I am afraid of what this means from here. I don’t understand her love style. I don’t want to hurt her and I don’t want her to feel used. I want her to feel valued, respected, and safe while also keeping those boundaries. I don’t know how to do that for her.

Anonymous

OP 2w

going from unfulfilled romantic interest directly to friendship is generally not a good idea

Anonymous

OP 2w

The only advice I can give is to ask her tbh. Two was street. You try to understand her, and she tries to understand you, and somewhere in the middle you can both be content

Anonymous

#9 2w

If things don’t work out in the end, you might lose a friend. You’ll find more friends though, so try to face your hurt if that happens!