Anonymous beestboy 1d

so yes?

19

Anonymous OP 1d

Idk man this is perplexing. I’ll say no but u don’t gotta help him pay it back tho

9

Anonymous beestboy 1d

but if i don’t i’m funding his life for the next year. if i help it’ll be done faster so im perplexed as well

11

Anonymous OP 1d

girl just break up. dont ruin ur life for him. theres plenty of people out there who dont fucking gamble 😭

49

Anonymous #2 1d

but after 7 years it’s hard to give up on something i want so bad

13

Anonymous OP 1d

so you want 55k of debt?

33

Anonymous OP 1d

He’s an idiot, break up now or you’ll be stuck with his same behavior for the rest of your life

35

Anonymous #3 1d

and to add, he’s had gambling issues in the past and everytime swears it’s the last

13

Anonymous OP 1d

He’ll never stop, I promise you

45

Anonymous #3 1d

i wish i was enough to make him stop

-7

Anonymous OP 1d

love yourself enough to leave. you deserve better than this

47

Anonymous #4 1d

Least mad at himself for having done this or is he demanding the help like you should just ignore his fuck up and just help?

18

Anonymous #4 1d

it was 100% in secret. he’s gambled in the past and knows he’s addicted but NEVER anywhere close to this bad. he is mad at himself and isn’t demanding but made a list of how much i should give him per month to help him pay it off. he also makes significantly more than me

34

Anonymous #5 1d

i’m afraid if i marry him this will happen

183

Anonymous OP 1d

It definitely will happen

226

Anonymous #3 1d

he wants $4000

37

Anonymous #2 1d

i should have left so long ago

44

Anonymous OP 1d

your future is in your hands. please be safe

25

Anonymous #8 1d

idk who that is

5

Anonymous OP 1d

Reference from the show Euphoria

25

Anonymous OP 1d

Basically do you wanna end up having to pay for his mistakes when he hasn’t done all he can to resolve them himself… you gotta choose you baby girl, any man that truly loves you wouldn’t even put you in such a position and would try his best to give you the life you deserve. Walk away while you can because some consequences can cost you your life.

36

Anonymous OP 1d

He's not gonna use it to pay his debt, he's going to use it to gamble. $4000 does nothing to a 55k debt. I promise he will handle with it.

222

Anonymous #11 1d

Gamble

54

Anonymous #11 1d

Unless you yourself make the payment directly to where he has the debt, op. Not saying it’s what you should do just saying if you choose to give him 4k tell him you’ll be making the payment. If he refuses to let you then don’t give him the money.

71

Anonymous OP 1d

Leave. His. Ass. At the very least don't have him money, that's just enabling his gambling. He will not pay his debt with it, because to him, the money will turn into more money to pay his debt if he hits with it, after all he's “due for a win.” DO NOT GIVE HIM A DIME.

56

Anonymous #4 1d

This could work, but what's the debt on? If he racked it up on credit cards he will spend it again as soon as she pays it off.

34

Anonymous OP 1d

Also he wants 4k total or 4k per month? DO NOT GIVE HIM 4k PER MONTH. You would be paying for his habit.

19

Anonymous OP 1d

Oh hell no! The 4k he wants is monthly??? And he makes more than you??? Girl!!! No!!! You need to get out of this relationship! You already know who he is and that this is who he is, don’t let yourself get trapped in this despite being aware of his addiction! This is who he is and things will only get worse and they have only gotten worse already! Don’t play yourself thinking he’ll change without committing to some addiction support group or something! And the time together is irrelevant think

23

Anonymous #4 1d

Of it this way it’s ONLY been 7 yrs and look at what he’s gotten into imagine more years down the line without any true form of rehab? You need to tell him that even if you do love him you need to step away from him while he gets help because how can you dream about a life together and growing old and growing as people with him if he’s already screwed you guys over?? Tell him you’ll only be with him if he goes through rehab because otherwise you’ll just be setting yourself up to suffering!

9

Anonymous OP 1d

Deadass leave him

171

Anonymous OP 1d

then there’s your answer girl

104

Anonymous #21 1d

She said he told her to pay him $4000 straight up….

27

Anonymous #25 1d

he hid it from me and we have seprate bank accounts

12

Anonymous #27 1d

because i love him

1

Anonymous #11 1d

that’s my fear, it’s credit cards and i’m afraid he won’t close them when they’re paid off

31

Anonymous #11 1d

4k total

8

Anonymous #23 1d

no he hasn’t but i would never put myself in a position to need it. i’m so independent but rely so much emotionally on him but the lies are eating at me. i fear that he’s hiding more

10

Anonymous #26 1d

genuine question to a gambler… do you think it’s possible to stop after something like this? not saying i’m staying but i do want the best for him

6

Anonymous OP 1d

Gurl, it’s time to get the fuck gone, if 55k wasn’t enough problems that he needs to keep even more secrets from you, that’s just another straw that absolutely should break the camels back. Before he finds a way to justify dragging your name into his messes.

18

can you message me. i wanna talk to someone who’s also an addict

8

Anonymous #30 1d

3) it sounds like his ‘plan’ to resolve it is taking advantage of you. This does not sound like a life partner. You’re young and absolutely have time to find another partner who won’t drag you into lifetime financial troubles 4) if for some reason you’re desperate to stay with him… refuse to contribute a penny towards this until you’re married, and refuse to get married until he has a plan, has made significant progress on the it, andemonstrates that this is the end of his gambling addiction.

19

Anonymous #30 1d

5) make sure ALL his financial info is shared between you. When there’s one hidden account there’s likely another. Make sure nothing has been taken out in your name and protect your own accounts.

27

Anonymous #30 1d

how do i check this

10

Anonymous OP 1d

For your accounts: make sure online notifications are on for transactions and you’re checking them regularly. Make sure you are the only authorized user (you can call the bank for that) For his: sit down and have the hard conversation. Make him show you his side. Know that resistance or deflection can be a sign that there’s more It’s great that you’re not married! As long as he doesn’t have access to your stuff he can’t make this your problem too.

11

Anonymous #30 1d

thankfully he has no access to my accounts

6

Anonymous #30 1d

i’m afraid that he has a secret credit card that i won’t even know to check

10

Anonymous OP 1d

Do you think he’s not going to ask for any more after $4000? He’s limit testing rn don’t fall for it

43

Anonymous #32 1d

i don’t know if he will. good point. but he has a plan to pay it all off by march so i’d hope not

5

Anonymous OP 1d

The problem is if he isn’t doing anything actively to change or address this gambling issue, I wouldn’t be surprised if he relapses and uses that money meant to pay off his debts into more gambling. I don’t want to be a downer but you really have to be paranoid in situations like this because it can get real dangerous FAST. It’s just a common theme I’ve seen in stories and true crime where addicts get tempted into gambling away that money and putting themselves in a bigger hole.

37

Anonymous #32 1d

i was so oblivious for months i had no idea this was happening.

26

Anonymous OP 1d

Good! Him not having access puts you in a great spot. And if you’re afraid he’d lie about this, what does that say about his ability to be your lifelong partner/father? You deserve someone you can trust. From what you shared it sounds like marrying him will make money the biggest stressor of your life.

21

Anonymous #30 1d

you’re right. and i have money issues in my childhood (poverty etc) that already make me anxious about money so this will absolutely make it worse.

12

Anonymous OP 1d

You can absolutely love him, and still know the types of actions he’s currently perpetuating in the relationship means he doesn’t understand how to be a partner. A relationship is a bridge and as much as you can try and support it, if one half is walking around torching every log, they’re not respecting your half of the bridge. Mutual respect and support IS the relationship.

29

Anonymous #23 1d

i like how thoughtful you are with what you’re saying

15

Anonymous OP 1d

Clearly aerospace engineering was the wrong major 😩 🤣 That said, I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to see why you deserve someone who supports your worldly concerns, not exacerbates them.

20

Anonymous #23 23h

thank you. i agree it’s just hard to get myself to do what needs to be done

16

Anonymous OP 22h

Exactly! Financial compatibility is also a huge part of overall compatibility. You should feel safe having discussions about your preferences. It’s much better to have a partner who has a low income but open communication and a smart budget than anyone who makes a lot of money but then throws it away- or worse, throws it away and expects you to foot the bill.

15

Anonymous OP 22h

Loving someone is hard, and sometimes the best thing you can do out of love for someone is to let them go.

16

Anonymous #38 21h

Alright damn I’ll stop

10

Anonymous OP 21h

That’s understandable. Even if you know the right decision it definitely doesn’t make it an easy one. I’m sorry OP.

29

Anonymous #41 20h

lowkey gonna start blocking posts like this for my own mental health

16

Anonymous OP 19h

That $4000 is going directly to a 13 leg parlay

16

Anonymous OP 17h

I think you can get a prenup to protect you from a spouse's debts in the event of a divorce but it's a lot easier to just not get married to someone you don't fully trust

42

Anonymous OP 17h

All his debt will become yours too if you marry him. Run girl!

43

Anonymous #16 16h

He’s much much much more likely to lose big 💀

10

Anonymous #34 13h

ONG like wtf kind of a question is this— and she’s on here asking randoms bruh I’m crine

8

Anonymous #12 13h

Ong OP how about u go buy HIM a ring and propose!! He can sell the ring and maybe gamble some more 🤑🤑

8

Anonymous OP 11h

if you chose to leave him you can simply have the conversation with him. if you live together you can move back in with your parents till you get it all situated. just tell him why you're leaving, and then go.

6

Anonymous OP 11h

not even move back in, just crash there till you can find a new place to live.

3

Anonymous #11 11h

If he’s dangerous I’d suggest slowly moving things out and then leaving. Anything that YOU have bought slowly take out when he leaves to gamble (if you have a car that is). Tell him you’re leaving AFTER all of you’re stuff is out of the apartment

6

Anonymous #20 11h

Leave anything non essential, and bring things like (a coffee maker, your vacuum, documents) etc.

1

Anonymous OP 1h

For perspective: my parents had a similar relationship, overlooked the issues, and married and had kids. When I was 12 my mom found out my dad forged her signature and stole her entire 401k. They got divorced in my teens and my mom still feels like she wasted her life and is very unhappy despite it being over a decade later. This is the MINIMUM you’re dealing with if you stay. Seven years is not nothing, but you’re going to feel even worse if you stay. Leave, and leave NOW.

4

Anonymous #16 1h

The way you can just tell you’re an addict too

3

Anonymous #40 1h

credit cards and loans

3

Anonymous #38 1h

thank you

4

Anonymous #41 1h

best case scenario is that this is a wake up call and he pays it back and we move on. worst case scenario is he continues gambling

1

Anonymous OP 1h

absolutely yes reform is possible, he has to want it himself though

1

Anonymous OP 1h

Maybe, but some people turn to stealing,robbery or anything to try to get money if they are broke!! I think your best bet is to leave and save yourself out of that situation!!!

1

Anonymous #26 1h

i just want him to change and our life to go back to how perfect it was

1

Anonymous OP 1h

I don’t think that will ever happen tho…I’m sorry to say that to you..that kind of stuff ruins life’s

1

Anonymous #26 1h

you’re right. i just wish you weren’t

1

Anonymous #26 1h

Message me if you want to talk more

1

Anonymous OP 32m

Ik…it’s a horrible thing/feeling…definitely after you care and put so much into a relationship and get hit by this would be devastating

1

Anonymous #26 30m

it’s absolutely devastating

1

Anonymous OP 8m

no you need to leave if he makes more than you and expects you to help. he’s just going to use your money to dig a deeper hole rather than investing in your future together

1