Ask Anything on Sidechat | I’ve been talking to a sweet guy for a while and I care about him a lot and feel very close and to him, he has fallen in love with me and wants a relationship, but I’m not very attracted to his looks. He makes me really happy though. What should I do?

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Ask Anything 3w

I’ve been talking to a sweet guy for a while and I care about him a lot and feel very close and to him, he has fallen in love with me and wants a relationship, but I’m not very attracted to his looks. He makes me really happy though. What should I do?

Anonymous 3w

is it that you’re not attracted to him, or is it that you don’t feel like he’s attractive enough by society’s standards? it can be easy to get those two feelings confused

Anonymous 3w

honestly i hate to break it to you but looks are in fact an important part of being in a long lasting relationship. if you have to convince yourself to think they are attractive just to be with a good guy, than it’s already not working out

Anonymous 3w

If you got this far and looks haven’t stopped you yet why would they now?

Anonymous 3w

Also let me clarify that I love everything about him. I feel safe, I trust him, I care about him, I feel close to him, he’s French-Italian and I love that, he lives in Paris and I want to go there, he cooks, he’s genuine and kind, he’s consistent, he asks me how I am everyday, he’s really amazing in so many ways. Just not sure if I’m attracted to his looks

Anonymous 3w

I’d say don’t do anything. Don’t commit until you’re sure. Some people grow not to care, and for some people there’s anyways the knowledge that you could be happier. If you think you’re the second type, don’t make it harder for both of you. Granted, I’m in a somewhat bitter mood, as I’m going to break up with a good man later today. I know I’ll break his heart. I just also know it’s either unhappiness now, or later on when it may be harder to handle, and I can’t do that to him. Grain of salt

Anonymous 3w

Given what you’ve said in other replies, I would say to wait until you meet in person to figure this out. Have you ever video chatted or just messaged? You should see how you guys are when actually interacting with each other whether in person or video chat because those are the only two ways in which you’ll truly catch someone’s vibe and see how your vibes match and your personalities and reactions mesh etc. Just messaging isn’t enough because you each could be interpreting things differently

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Anonymous 3w

People get more attractive the more you know and like their personalities BUT some attraction just can’t grow. It’s likely you’ll meet someone you’re highly attracted to and get distracted tbh

Anonymous

#1 3w

Well some context is missing. We’ve been talking online. I know it sounds stupid but I kinda fell in love with the way he makes me feel and the way he talks to me without really knowing exactly what he looks like. He lives in France and I’m planning on going there in the future for graduate school. Recently he has sent more pictures of his face and I’m not sure if I really find his looks attractive.

Anonymous

#2 3w

or (and this especially because you met online and he’s in a foreign country) is your gut trying to tell you something is wrong here? obviously i don’t know anything about this guy and he may be perfectly lovely but the internet is a dangerous place and especially if you are moving countries its really important to stay safe and connected to your support system back home

Anonymous

#2 3w

Thank you for your feedback. Unfortunately it’s hard to tell because I’ve been talking to him entirely online. I know it’s stupid but we’ve grown very close to each other from talking everyday and I love and care about him a lot. I’m just not sure if I am physically attracted to his looks, but I know the only way to truly tell is if I meet him in real life.

Anonymous

OP 3w

Well then you can stay the course and wait till you meet to see the vibe or pull the cord now and break things off with him. Really your 2 options

Anonymous

OP 3w

yeah that’s a tough situation

Anonymous

#2 3w

No I don’t have any gut feeling that something is wrong at all. I feel very safe and good with him. I truly like him a lot and I trust him that he’s a genuine person. There’s no doubt in my mind. And I am not going abroad just for him. I’ve been dreaming on going to France for a veryyyy long time.

Anonymous

OP 3w

ok good i’m glad :) just wanted to make sure

Anonymous

#4 3w

at least in my experience lol

Anonymous

#5 3w

Than how it’s meant and messaging you have time to react while in person or via video it’s a more real interaction. Even if you have video messaged I would still say to wait till you meet in person to see how that goes. As for the attraction, I think attraction is important, but if it’s something you really can’t get over even if nothing changes once you meet in person, you need to decide if physical attraction is important to you. There would be nothing wrong if it is it would be hard to have a

Anonymous

#5 3w

Relationship with someone you can’t find yourself physically attracted to for some people, especially when it comes to the physical aspect of relationships, but there are other people that can ignore the physical and can just be content with the other aspects whether they find them attractive or not, but you have to decide that for yourself. Because if you’re always going to have in the back of your mind that you don’t find him attractive, you’re never going to be truly happy. So if that’s going

Anonymous

#5 3w

To happen why make both of you waste time ya know so just figure out if you looks is important to you and proceed depending on that. I would say the physical attraction does matter to you as it’s already causing you doubts, but maybe meeting in person changes that so that’s why you should wait to meet him in person.

Anonymous

#5 3w

Yeah I agree. I’m really thinking the only way to truly know is to meet him in person. I appreciate your feedback