Ask Anything on Sidechat | my boyfriend ghosted me for a night while he went drinking with friends and said he shouldn’t have to text or keep me updated unless there’s an emergency. am i overreacting or is this normal

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Ask Anything 1d

my boyfriend ghosted me for a night while he went drinking with friends and said he shouldn’t have to text or keep me updated unless there’s an emergency. am i overreacting or is this normal

Anonymous 1d

I think we might need more info to know if is normal. I think if he is just going out with his buddies, it is healthy for y’all to have separate lives. Needing to text your partner all the time to feel secure is not a sign of a healthy relationship imo. But if you have a real reason to believe he is being dishonest, that has less to do with whether or not it is “normal” and more of a question of if figuring out the truth.

Anonymous 1d

I don’t think you’re overreacting, he shouldn’t feel like you’re a burden

Anonymous 1d

normal depends on you guys, but from the sounds of it this isn't normal for him

Anonymous 14h

Not normal

Anonymous

#2 14h

for reference, he used to cheat on me all the time online (he is a recovering porn addict). he has been better recently, but gets in the mood when he drinks and has cheated when drinking before. because of this, i get a lot of anxiety when he drinks. we’ve set a boundary that we’d only drink together until trust is rebuilt. When he was talking to me about going out and his feelings about wanting to change the boundaries because he feels like he can keep himself accountable, I sent him (1/2)

Anonymous

OP 14h

a message basically responding that he’s already made his mind to go against the boundaries that were set and that i wished that he’d talked to me before his military trip across the world (14hr difference) if he knew he wanted to change a boundary. I also mentioned we could have a talk about how to have clear communication when he gets back. he left that message on delivered until the next day when he said he shouldn’t have to text me or think of me when he does stuff.

Anonymous

OP 14h

he also said a bunch of other stuff

Anonymous

OP 14h

i’m just confused about everything right now. i feel like stuck i guess because breaking up was never an option for me, but i fear just stopping communicating mid convo is so disrespectful and i’ve already spent almost 3 years trying to grow something. he also said some stuff that makes me think he wants to move backwards. his friends say slurs and stuff and he said I “take it more seriously” thank he does. like i thought we both thought that wasn’t okay. makes me think he isn’t who i thought yk

Anonymous

OP 13h

dude... what are you doing? get the hell out of this relationship. if you're saying stuff like "breaking up isn't an option" then you've give up all your own agency in the relationship because he can be as bad of a boyfriend as he wants

Anonymous

OP 13h

Are you considering masturbating cheating? Or was this like live with other people online?

Anonymous

#2 12h

online sex chat rooms

Anonymous

OP 10h

girl leave tf

Anonymous

OP 37m

Yeah I think that online chat rooms with other people is enough to cross a line with me too. It could just be a kink for him, and less about talking to other people, but all the same, it bothers you. Sorry, three years is a lot to give but it sounds like resolving it has also been tricky. Consider that there are people you could be WAY happier with, just naturally. I hope you find that!